I'm beginning to see self doubt as a major case of gas.
It rumbles around, not quite sh*t, but causes all sorts of discomfort until it is melodiously or silently released. And when it does, it stinks.. big time. But at least it's out and you feel better. Granted.. it may take quite a few passes to rid yourself of it, and there might be another one around the corner. But you expel it and keep moving on.
In fact, moving really helps bring relief. So perhaps, Mike.. just perhaps, all this wondering is really your gas of self doubt moving through.. processing.
Journaling, Today the coaster came around. I was on for a bit but after a couple of phone calls to friends I got off. Lots of self doubt today. I wonder if I'm normal. I wonder if I'm F'd up.
The thought of starting over again, financially, in a new house...any new relationship scares me. The thoughts of attempting to make new friends in a hometown that I left in 1999 intimidates me. All my single friends that were there are now married and I am a third wheel. I really know no one but family, my coworkers are all married..I'm intimidated by all this newness. While drywalling my new place today I felt lonely, my mom was there but still I was lonely. My thoughts drifted to how and why I git here and it made me sad. I wondered how I had true love in the palm of my hand and pissed it away. I wonder if it was really true love.
I wondered if I would ever be loved again?
I wondered if I was ever truly loved in either my 1st or 2nd M?
I wonder if I really know how love feels..relationship love?
The only love I've ever truly felt is the love of my D..It is pure love. It's a love that's not f'ed up yet.
It's all coulda, woulda, shoulda and it sucks out the arse.
So as you can see, lots of questions. Lots of self doubt.
I've been here before and it sucked. I can remember it, the loneliness still haunts me..
I know where I'm going, just don't know when I'll get there.
It's hard for me to believe in me right now. I wish I had more self confidence, I wish I was a better communicator. I wish I was outgoing and able to just start up a conversation.
I wish, I wish, I wish..
It is what it is..and it sucks.
Mike you must be reading my mind. These are alot of the same questions I have asked myself many times. Your Ws did love you or they would never have M you in the first place. You will find someone again your a great guy with alot to offer plus look how much you have learned and how much you have to offer someone.
Keep the faith Mike and stay off that rollercoaster. All this is new and changes like this are scary and I understand that loneliness feeling but you have lots of friends in the real world and on this board. I know it does not make up for your loss but we are here for you.
Hug that D of yours she will get you through this. Take care today Mike you are just tired and these feelings will pass.
I see you mentally beating yourself up. Stop!!! You are a great guy, with so much to offer a woman. Look, you can even get her blind on moonshine!
When the time is right, the Lord will put the right woman in your path. The sad thing is, either of your W's could have been, but neither one was willing to make things work. Actually, for now, the right woman is in your life, she just really small and her hormones do not rage yet. Enjoy your precious D. You have said you made mistakes raisig your son--make up for it now.
Things always work out, that is God's promise. The thing is, we expect it to work out the way that we want, not the way HE wants.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
It's hard for me to believe in me right now. I wish I had more self confidence,
All of this can take a toll huh? I would be worried if you were NOT feeling this way.
I think, that when this way of thinking waves over us, we may need to take stock, of what we do have and give thanks. Just for a minute even.
I think you have mentioned you have a D. I am sorry I have not read your situation.
Here is a little trick, that works for me, and it is pretty silly really.
When I feel like UGH. I look at my kids while they are sleeping, and I sniff them. I try not to bite them Lord knows It is hard. But I take a long sniff. It is like I suck out their super powers for my self, but what they won't know won't hurt them right? And they always regenerate super powers, just so you know.
I say God give me another day of confidence b/c I have 2 kids to raise.
I know guys and chicks are different but the gist is pretty much the same.
The deal is not letting that toll get a hold of your ballz and anchor you down. (I'm from Jersey the land of the Sopranos)
But if you did not have days like these, how can you see how far you have come?
It is all par for the course lovey. Just be careful during those lonely times. I have heard about some regrets people have made during that time, and I wouldn't want to see that for you.
You are learning every day, and sometimes we have to stop and look around us, and FEEL the hurt the joy, the whatever, to be able go and learn some more.
Quote:
I wish, I wish, I wish..
I will have again, I will have again, I will have again.
Quote:
It is what it is..and it sucks.
Thank goodness only for now.
Last edited by Lissie; 07/31/0812:11 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Keep the faith Mike and stay off that rollercoaster
I know Tim, it pisses me off. I know it's coming, I can feel it approaching. I'm good at fighting it off most days but seem to just give in to it on some days..
and it sucks when I do.
I appreciate the support. Thanks for that. You continue to do well by the way. I hope you saw my explaination on why I moved. It's best for me at the moment. Getting caught up over here is daunting but I'll manage. Slowly but surly making new friends over here.
Keep the drinks flowing and they spill their guts or I spill mine, that's both literally and figuratively. LOL
I'm beginning to see self doubt as a major case of gas.
It rumbles around, not quite sh*t, but causes all sorts of discomfort until it is melodiously or silently released. And when it does, it stinks.. big time. But at least it's out and you feel better. Granted.. it may take quite a few passes to rid yourself of it, and there might be another one around the corner. But you expel it and keep moving on.
In fact, moving really helps bring relief. So perhaps, Mike.. just perhaps, all this wondering is really your gas of self doubt moving through.. processing.
Find that smile and keep the laughter.
*hugs*
good analogy Gypsy..I'll hold onto that. I like it.
It's hard for me to believe in me right now. I wish I had more self confidence,
All of this can take a toll huh? I would be worried if you were NOT feeling this way.
I think, that when this way of thinking waves over us, we may need to take stock, of what we do have and give thanks. Just for a minute even.
I think you have mentioned you have a D. I am sorry I have not read your situation.
Here is a little trick, that works for me, and it is pretty silly really.
When I feel like UGH. I look at my kids while they are sleeping, and I sniff them. I try not to bite them Lord knows It is hard. But I take a long sniff. It is like I suck out their super powers for my self, but what they won't know won't hurt them right? And they always regenerate super powers, just so you know.
I say God give me another day of confidence b/c I have 2 kids to raise.
I know guys and chicks are different but the gist is pretty much the same.
The deal is not letting that toll get a hold of your ballz and anchor you down. (I'm from Jersey the land of the Sopranos)
But if you did not have days like these, how can you see how far you have come?
It is all par for the course lovey. Just be careful during those lonely times. I have heard about some regrets people have made during that time, and I wouldn't want to see that for you.
You are learning every day, and sometimes we have to stop and look around us, and FEEL the hurt the joy, the whatever, to be able go and learn some more.
Quote:
I wish, I wish, I wish..
I will have again, I will have again, I will have again.
Quote:
It is what it is..and it sucks.
Thank goodness only for now.
Hey Lissie, I apprecaite you stopping by and I apprecaite the words of encouragment.
By the way, you don't have to read up on my sitch. It's pages and pages of blood and guts and crap. I'm sure you've seen it all before. They are all the same basically anyway.
Yes, I have a D, she is 2. I have a son from a previous M, 24..
I've been in this spot once before so I know basically what will happen. I have a lot going on at the moment and get overwhelmed at times. I am sure things will get better once I get in the house I'm working on.
Thanks for stopping by. I'll go my best to get over and visit you.
Having trouble to sleep AND beating yourself up? Great combination...
Mike, I am with Lissie, it's all part of he process. Everytime WE (I do too often) feel like this, we take another step towards our new "happy" life. People need to feel loved and the fear of being alone makes everything look...dark.
I love the advice that everyone has given. If I were you I would read it over and over.
Mike I think you're doing great! I see you giving support to others and also trying to make the best of a very sad situation. We all have our moments but I also think that as we go through this the bounce back time becomes quicker and easier. I know that I still have little episodes of regret & sadness but those moments now make way for laughter and so much happiness. It's almost as if the downtimes make the happy times so much sweeter. Hey we're only human right? (well I am anyway!)
And they always regenerate super powers, just so you know.