Crying is good, she doesn't do that and she needs to you are right it does help heal and releases the fear...
Tough love hurts as much as I want to catch her I know I can't damn I hate this...
Yes it does hurt, but at the moment that is all she has to draw from, cause she doesn't trust me and I do respect that I haven't earned that trust back yet...
Once I took the focus off of me and put it back on her she did calm down, I am happy she actually said she needs to see a C.
The other good thing is she mentioned NOTHING about divorce in all of that so at this point will keep hanging on...
Brian, she is right. She need sto see a counselor without you. Read the words to the song again Brian. She knows in her heart that she needs to fix her if there is ever going to be an US again for you two. That is a huge step for her and you should be very proud of her for recognizing that.
She "knows" what this is doing, she is trying in her own way to fix it. Be patient brian, be compassionate, and be lovingly detached.
In teh long run, your integrity and loving way that you are helping her through this is going to pay huge dividends for you. When she comes back, y'all are going to be so much better prepared to be in a marriage because of all that you are learning.
Stay strong Brian, I know you are having a hard time seeing the calm waters beyond the crashing waves, you just have to have faith in God to see you through the storm.
Yeah, you probably could have handled some of that a bit differently, but look what came of it... She said she needs counseling. Now actually going might take some work, but she at least said it!
She needs to bottom out. I've got a few friends that are recovering alcoholics/adicts and the one thing that is a recurring thing in AA/NA is that most people have to hit rock bottom before they are really willing to make changes. For many people here, it took their S walking out or cheating. For her, it just might need to be everything falling apart around her. As much as it pains you to see her hurting, it's a necessary step.
Hang in there, you are doing good!
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
I do understand and you are right, there may be time later for the other.
I know that tough love is just that 'tough' for everyone involved if she does go I respect that and am more proud than I can put into words for her courage to attempt this.
It's what we all hope and pray for and if in the end it does not include me I will find a way through the pain knowing that she is better.
I pray every night and I wonder if he hears me, I have doubts and that weakens my faith I have to work on shoring up the walls I must learn how to ask for help and be willing to accept the answer...
Brian, she is right. She need sto see a counselor without you. Read the words to the song again Brian. She knows in her heart that she needs to fix her if there is ever going to be an US again for you two. That is a huge step for her and you should be very proud of her for recognizing that.
She "knows" what this is doing, she is trying in her own way to fix it. Be patient brian, be compassionate, and be lovingly detached.
In teh long run, your integrity and loving way that you are helping her through this is going to pay huge dividends for you. When she comes back, y'all are going to be so much better prepared to be in a marriage because of all that you are learning.
Stay strong Brian, I know you are having a hard time seeing the calm waters beyond the crashing waves, you just have to have faith in God to see you through the storm.
Ian
Brian, You read this post and you keep it close.
For now, you be still. YOU be as still as a church mouse. I know you want to run in. You don't do it. You let her crash.
She is coming to you time after time. It's now time to get your head together.
Do you know how big her saying she is seeing a C is?? THAT"S SO HUGE.
You be humble. You do not let old Brian back out in any way.
You hang in there. You pick up the phone and dial either one of those 2 numbers you have if you need to vent.
I'm with ya brother. God's with you Brian. Stay your course. I know your tired, you stay on the track.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 08/01/0805:54 PM.
Yes be still, I am no hero I am in a world that I have no control over and am learning to respect it as much as it hurts...
My head is not as tight as it should be, I can do better...
I had a feeling this could happen, with the kids being gone, her being alone, and the financial sitch it was going to bring her crashing down, but there was nothing I could to to stop it...
I have nothing but humility this is a place I have never been too and am seeing a side of me that I didn't really know existed...
I appreciate that thank you
No more tired than the rest of you I/we must keep going until the last whistle blows...
I need to cut through the last remaining strings I am working towards having the strength to do this.
Yes she likes control and that is what she has total control somehow I think she is tired of it. She has said in the past the only way I can survive is if I have control, I said to her total control isn't always a good thing.
Now actually going might take some work, but she at least said it!