Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Patience is a virtue.....

hi everyone...im back in my house with my dog...ahhhhhh..much better

thanks for the input TD....he hasnt shied away at all...my mom and i came home a day early and he was away on a guys mountain bike trip this weekend...so i feel weird that we havent had any communication for 5 days...

i guess i could text him to see how his trip was...i was just hoping he would contact me first...

i texted him last night just to say im was home and had a good time...he replied right away and said happy i had fun asked a few questions and told me about his race...
he also said he was sad and he almost cried saying goodbye to our cabin we are selling...i said here are plenty of new places to adventure to....

then he didnt reply bc he was on graveyard shift last night....

so im feeling very down today still...lonely and sad. i just hope he says he wants to come home...i was so happy after our connection last week that i wanted it all to be fixed ASAP..i know it doesnt and shouldn't happen that way....

i need good PMA....focus on all the baby steps and good things...

im sure he misses me a lot and he just needs to sort through whatever is in his head...

Pisces....it's the week. i think its full moon week...i am too. let's cheer each other on today, ok?

you're doing great....really are....

thanks Neil- it gets so hard even with all the positive changes that i would have only dreamed of..they actually happened- yet i am still scred that something bad will happen....i love what our minds can do to us...

thanks for making me feel better...

ill check in on you

Pisces,

Some very positive things in the text exchange.....it is great that he continued a dialog through it. Keep moving forward....slowly but surely. You are doing great even if you don't feel it right now.

ok- thanks TD...that makes me feel better...is this what happened w your wife? did she get close then pull away then just say come home already? how long did this go on? i cant belive you went through this with teeny little babies....you are so strong and so is your wife...

i cant wait for that to happen

i cant see it very clearly right now but i think i know why this weekend was/is tough for everyone...

it is mid summer and the usual activities without our spouses are starting to get to us...also a full moon someone pointed out....ugh!

Hi poop

How are you? Hang tight hun you can do this. Your H sent some very honest texts and that's good because it shows he's not as DAM as you think

you made me laugh Jen! thanks- i wasnt expecting that today!

yes- he said he was sad and almost cried about the house...he has said that he is sad about selling it every time we interact about i t...i just listen...but if we werent separated we probably wouldn't have sold it- DUH...the process started before the bomb but the market sucks and it we took a hit on it..oh well..had to be done.
i also look at it like a fresh start...we have talked a bit about how we can travel anywhere now and not be tied to the cabin...i said we...hoping for an invite somewhere/ anywhere soon!!

Pisces,

In my sitch...it seemed more like a steady coming together with periods of not making any headway, not really any real pull aways aside from one minor one when I messed up in my DB. I think the closest thing to a pull away was the first time we ML...I think we were both pretty nervous (I was actually shaking) and afterwards she kind of rolled over and went to sleep.....I could almost feel her tension coming off her. Then I just reached over and gently scratched her back for a little while and she seemed to relax and gave me a very nice hug in the morning.

How did your H interact with the "We talk" about vacations, did he use the "we" word as well?

As far as the babies go, I almost think it is kind of a wash. It is horrible to put them through it, but it does givemore opportunities for DBing (and messing up) and contact that might not ordinarily be there....they are also a potential source of disagreements. Fortunately they didn't have to go through it for long. It is interesting because they still talk about "Da-Da's house". I do think they helped quite a bit in accelerating the whole process and putting things in perspective....not that I would ever use them in any way.

thats sort of how i feel- steady coming together and then the LULL phase with nothing....i guess that better then the other way...i think starting to ML really was hard on him ..he is very sensitive with that and never uses it is any way...so he wasnt ready for some reason....

as for the "we" reference regarding vacations:

at dinner a few weeks ago i said you can plan costa rica (which i didnt want to do before bc i was scared to go) he stuck his out at me and laughed...in a good way...bc i said ill let you plan the whole thing.

i said it in the text the other night as more like there are a lot of places to adventure to...not referencing us or we....

so one of my main goals is to have him ask me on a vacation or adventure of some sort- even a weekend /midweek getaway...he hasnt done that yet...lots of local stuff and hit tubbing which is fine by me- but i really want to go somehwere with him...

i am going to shasta area to see my BF (her H is friends with my H too) at the end of this month- i mentioned it to him in passing a few dates ago and he started to check his phone for his days off then quickly realized what he was doing and didnt continue...do i invite him?

my DB coach said casual friends a few weeks ago before the hike and anny- and now i get confused if its time to move beyond that ?