The thing is that if he has to have any more operations he would most probably have to have a permanent stoma which is why I don't understand why he isn't looking after himself or going for the check ups.
Julia, I know the frustration you feel and the worry. I'm worried for him, too. A permanent stoma would be a permanent handicap, correct? It's self-destructive what he's doing, IMO. And I think he's trying to protect you from it.
Originally Posted By: JCJ
It doesn't seem to be about the illness anymore though, it has morphed into a battle against me it feels like.
This may have been the problem during your R, but now it seems like denial mixed with S-D. He knows the consequences, but doesn't seem to care. Do you think he could be depressed?
Originally Posted By: JCJ
Do you ever talk about health problems with your h anymore?
My H's problems are mostly psychological vs. physical at this point, but the longer they drag on, the more "permanent" they become. I ask how he feels occasionally, but he doesn't know because he hasn't actually been with anyone sexually. It's been an issue with every woman he's been with since his illness, and it will continue as long as he's in denial and does nothing real to fix it.
Now, he never wants to get married again, so no one will apparently have to be burdened with it. And the acting out he's done with other women so far haven't included having sex, but still made him feel virile or something.
I wonder if your H feels a bit the same way? Acting out to try to feel better?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Did I ever tell you my H's shrink diagnosed him as antisocial?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
He said this once. When he first left I pursuaded him to go for some IC and he found that out. It would be permanent, he would have a bag for the rest of his life.
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Do you think he could be depressed?
I have often wondered this but he doesn't seem depressed at all. When he first left it was very much about the illness, now it just doesn't seem to figure in anything outwardly to me anyway. Who knows what is going on inside?!
I feel the same as what you mentioned. That the longer the denial goes on the more of a permanent fixture it will be and the harder it will be for him to address but I realise that it is something that he has to do in his own time, maybe he has already, and there is nothing I can do. It is also the reason why I don't think he has had a pa.
Actually it is quite nice to talk about it, I have kept it wrapped up tight for so long.
I have often wondered this but he doesn't seem depressed at all.
I don't know how much you've looked into the symptoms of depression, but they can be quite different for men, and sometimes hard to recognize. I had no idea until I started reading up on it:
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Instead of acknowledging their feelings, asking for help, or seeking appropriate treatment, men may turn to alcohol or drugs when they are depressed, or become frustrated, discouraged, angry, irritable and, sometimes, violently abusive. Some men deal with depression by throwing themselves compulsively into their work, attempting to hide their depression from themselves, family, and friends; other men may respond to depression by engaging in reckless behavior, taking risks, and putting themselves in harm's way.
* Anger and frustration * Violent behavior * Losing weight without trying * Taking risks, such as reckless driving and extramarital sex * Loss of concentration * Isolation from family and friends * Avoiding pleasurable activities * Fatigue * Loss of interest in work, hobbies and sex * Alcohol or substance abuse * Misuse of prescription medication * Thoughts of suicide
In addition, men often aren't aware that physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain, can be symptoms of male depression.
Thanks Lost, I have to say that i haven't really ever looked too much at it as he just didn;t seem depressed but he has certainly done these things.
- Some men deal with depression by throwing themselves compulsively into their work, attempting to hide their depression from themselves, family, and friends. - Isolation from family and friends * Avoiding pleasurable activities * Fatigue * Loss of interest in hobbies and sex
He doesn;t take a break from work ever. He keeps his phone on all the time in case they need to get in touch and constantly jumps if it goes off. He also avoids his family. He is easing up on it now though, he has his working hours under better control, according to him, and he sees his family more. He is also doing his band gigs again which he had given up on. Maybe these are positive signs.
* engaging in reckless behavior, taking risks, and putting themselves in harm's way
I did not consider my H's behavior reckless until the friend that he was living with called him "reckless." And then I started to realize more what was going on with him that he wasn't sharing with me anymore.
I am SO glad that there are positive signs in the other areas. Hopefully that signals movement towards taking care of himself a bit more.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I know that my W is very depressed and finally other people are saying it too, but it sure makes things hard. I know that she is not well and she is going through a lot but knowing that only makes it hurt slightly less.
I think that what you described are positive signs and he will pull threw this sometime, we just cant control when. its funny but depression, love and life all have seasons and things come and go, this is just one long ugly winter for you, I promise you will see spring again. to bad there is not a R ground hog that could tell you when.
Do you guys have ground hogs day or does that completely make no sense??
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
