Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Slow and steady wins the race... hopefully!

You're right Kenny. It is tempting to be petty. I could say

'I am not around tomorrow night so maybe next week would be better. Do you want to let me know what day is best for you as I get booked up pretty quickly. If your money is going in tomorrow night then there are no worries on the bank account.'

Is that any better?? Hopefully my frustration doesn't show through too much!

I'd be tempted to try to get rid of the "if". Say it like you expect he will put the money in, with no question.

Yes, thank you Jeff I feel better and have smiled!!

Remember that time is on your side,
If he drags things out then ok, you want things drug out, you want him to have to do all the ground work here. Ignore the falling house prices because that’s only money and is of little importance. I am sorry that it places you in a strange position as far as not being able to move on to a new place for yourself, but for now just enjoy that house and make the most of it. Your last response with Jeff’s suggestion of leaving out the "if" sounds like a really good one.

Then just go hang out in the beautiful park or somewhere and forget about this for a while. If he was so completely done with you he would be doing everything in his power to make this as quick and clean as he could. I know dragging it out is hard on you but it makes him have to face it too. Selling the house was his idea not yours so you are not being a push over. Just try and always have a back up plan anytime you schedule to meet him like last weekend, that way you always have something better to do and its no loss to you.

(((JCJ))) Keep smiling, its good for the soul!

i wouldn't be so available. if it is a $ issue then that i s important but trust him a bit to follow through. let him realize he didnt and then he will have to pick up the pieces.

let him contact you and you dont need to be available to see him. remember his actions have nothing to do with you. the fact that he has plans that keep coming up is just his confusion distracting him and he is being very forgetful right now.

that does not excuse any money issues - but i would try and trust he will do the right thing...although it sounds like he has not been following through...

lovingly distance...casual friends...my mantra!

Julia,

I think I might even jest with hima little bit, particularly about his absent-mindedness. I seem to recall you being the one that kept him on track.

Maybe some thing like "do I need to look in to hiring a personal assistant....lol. I have plenty I can do this weekend and am booked up the next two. Hope your gigs go well"

I think it is good that his e-mails/texts seem to be a lot more friendly and even considerate (even if he is breaking plans with you). It is contact you were not having beforehand

Hi Julia, My names Mike. I told you I would read and drop in so I am here. I like this Julia it tells me lots about where you are in your head..



This tells me a whole lot about you. See most of the time we feel panic set in and we don't know what to do so we end up all frazzled in our minds. When we are fazzled we tend to act on things which leads to upset which we eventually let loose on someone around us. Your actions of feeling the panic coming on then calming yourself speaks volumes about where your head is..

I also see by your post that you are int he process of detaching. This is the numbe rone thing you need to do in my opinion. I felt I was spinning my wheels and stuck in Limbo until I detached. Detachment is hard to describe and explain. I described detachment on another thread..maybe Kenny's..anyway you may think your detached but when you truly are you will know it..You will feel it..you won't feel the panic coming on simply because you won't have the panic. Once you completely "let it go" then you will be calm and able to attack the sitch from a different position.

I like what your doing and echo evertyone else in I think that your doing great. Keep it up and I see many positives.

It was nice to meet you. I'll watch you from here on out and try to keep up. I'll be around..

Hi Everyone

Thank you so much for posting and for all your support, as I am naturally reactional it is great that I can vent that here and get it out my system so that I don't project it on h.

I'm definitely handling this better than last week. I feel I have detached a little more as last week I felt let down and disappointed whereas my reaction this time was more of frustration that I just want to get on with things really and am tired of making half plans on the off chance. It is really important that I fill my weekends as they are my danger time.

JWS - Thank you for reminding me that time is a good thing. The only thing is that I worry because house prices are dropping so dramatically and I really would be stuck if they go down much more so if this is going to happen I'd really rather it was sooner than later. But that is of definite secondary importance to my marriage and if I come out with hardly anything I'll just take myself off traveling if we stay split. Luckily I have my birthday pedicure to fall to look forward to this weekend. I've never had one before!

Wifey - thank you, you made me smile again

Pisces - the only reason I don't leave the money thing is we would get almighty bank charges as they rip you off hugely. I wish I could just trust that he would put the money in automatically but it has never happened and we have been charged so much in the past. Thank you for reminding me that his actions aren't to do with me though, I always take it personally and it isn't at the moment.

TwinDad - you know I might try and inject some humour into the next interaction. That is very old me and something I haven't tried before. You are also right that he obviously let me know as soon as he knew he had goofed which is a huge step in the grand scheme considering his behaviour and how previously he has been known to let me know about 2 hours after he was supposed to turn up!! Maybe why that is why I get so instantly incensed now! I need to let that go.

Mike - thank you so much for reading through and posting. I am trying really hard to detach but it seems to be taking me a long time. I really tend to beat myself up which doesn't help, even if it's about taking too much time in detaching I can't seem to accept failure in any shape or form even if it's just my own perception of failure! I hope that I have self-awareness though and usually know when I am reacting not detaching so it helps me in a taking a step back - even if it's a few hours/ days later

Jeff and Kenny - thank you for stopping me sending a reactional terse message, it wouldn't have helped the situation in any way.

Hugs everyone! Wow, this really is the most difficult thing I've done.

Hello!

I really need to catch up on what's going on, but wanted to stop in say Hi, and that I hope you had a chance to enjoy the summer this week. Wasn't it glorious? Bring on the rain now, I guess.

Good job on not sending a terse text, BTW!! You sound great in your post- very together

L. xx