Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Alien invasion 3.0

Now you know that these two things that you tried do not work- move on and try something else.

I think your goals sound good, but I would make your personal goals your focus right now. It will bring you to a better place to work on the R goals.

Yep, the peck on the cheek was just an experiment without emotional investment. Learning to detach. The family fireworks evening was H's idea; D decided where she wanted to go, and H decided to join us because D really wanted him there. He was having a bad day and reportedly stayed in bed all day (alone!) because he was depressed due to it being our first separated holiday. So there were probably several factors in play at the same time there.

Yes, trying to focus on personal goals. I really need to find a job, but it's proving very difficult. Lots of experience as a nurse, but I've been doing ministry for >6 years and I love it. It doesn't pay well, tho. That wasn't much of a factor before, but it will be as a single mom. I'm trying to find non-bedside nursing jobs (nothing in ministry is cropping up) but they're not very good single-mom jobs really--can't work evenings or nights, would prefer not working every other weekend, on-calls are very tricky without a good support system for child care. D can stay by herself for an hour or 2, but isn't comfortable beyond that. So I'm trying to find some non-clinical spots, but the economy is a factor there. Oh--and I need decent benefits too. My current job ends after Labor Day. I'll feel much better once I know what I'm doing.

Anyone with experience--when do I stop feeling overwhelmed with stress, grief, anxiety?

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HM,

I saw your post on Phil's thread. While I agree with just about everything you said, I'm not sure there's much to be gained by stirring him up.

I realized after a bit that Phil and I just don't connect. He couldn't or wouldn't receive anything that I wrote to him without taking offense and getting nasty. So I walked away.

I think the two of you don't connect either. He's been nasty to you once before, no reason to ask for more.

Let's let someone that he can handle post to him, at least until there is some sign of positive change.

Blessings,

bill

Hoosier,

I just read your follow-up post to Phil, and came here to tell you I thought it was one of the most beautiful and heartfelt things I've ever read on here. You are a special person.

That being said, Bill's probably right, and I had to leave Phil as well. We spoke our peace, and I just don't think he's ready yet.

Puppy

Wow--Thanks, Bill and Puppy. I appreciate the validation. I agree, it's pearls before swine at this point, but every now and then I wonder if I can cut thru the denial. And wow, that would make me supermama, wouldn't it! I was also hoping he'd see the caring between the lines, but he's a really tough nut.

Sometimes it's good to examine one's motivation, which is what you've made me do. Not really trying to stir him up, just give him access to my wonderfulness and supreme insight. Sigh.

Apparently not quite special enough, however! In one week back in May, I lost both my job and my H. Didn't see either of them coming. Yikes.

Hi Hoosie, re your double post to Phil, I had exactly the same problems (not on Phils thread ) at the same time, I think the website had problems.
I would have posted this on Phils thread but he asked me not to post. I don't think I would have bothered anyway, he thinks he is so perfect and we are all nuts.
"it's pearls before swine" strange I made same comment when he first posted. Unless you agree what a wonderful person he is and how nuts his wife is any advice is a waste of time.
It was a great post non the less.

Thanks, naej. I thought it was my wireless system or where I was sitting, but it might have been the website taking a nap.

Re: Phil--I feel so bad for his kids; they don't have a chance in the world. And I'm truly afraid he's just going to snap one day soon and do something tragic; definitely if the wife starts seeing someone else that's a huge risk. Aside from those concerns--it's kinda like when you can't stop yourself from looking at a car accident as you drive slowly by the scene.

And I don't know--there's always the likelihood that I'm saying things to him that I need to hear myself. That seems to happen a lot!