Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE We are on a Flat Spiral (?)

Bagheera,

You read my mind - I was just about to ask NTE the very same thing!

IMO both NMMNG and Deida are vastly underread books and could probably have done with (from a marketing perspective) different titles. They should be compulsory reading for all men.

However, one (perhaps predictable) side-effect of reading NMMNG is that I absolutely cannot now bear being called "nice" by anyone!

Sorry for the hijack NTE - do let us know how you're getting on.

S&A

To be honest, I have done precious little for NTE lately! My work and financial situation has taken a drastic turn for the worse and it has been an "all hands on deck" situation for the last couple of weeks. This has really frustrated me because it screwed up my vacation. Instead of coming back refreshed from our fist vacation not to a relative's house in more years than I can remember, I came back frustrated and angry - root cause fear.

Since then I have had to travel and try and fix the issues. Constant stress with threats of losing my job and law suits and even physical violence flying around from all sides of the situation. Now I am not sleeping well etc.

I realize the upside of this is a chance to man up in front of my wife and kids, but most of all for my own self respect and the health of my soul. Failing this test a couple of years ago cost me a great deal of my self respect and confidence.

I have been having trouble finding NMMNG in bookstores. I am believing this may be a Amazon purchase. Not sure how the wife would take to me reading a book of that title...

NTE

NTE - Hang in there. We are rooting for you. Maybe somehow all this work drama will take your mind off your SSM, even though it is not a fun thing.

I hope it all turns around for you soon...any chance you can just cut and run now and get another job before a shoe drops?

DQ

NTE,

You may balk at what I say, but...Every hour of Every day is a chance for you to man up, to be strong, and to let your true soul shine out.

Order NMMNG on Amazon - NOW.

"Not sure how the wife would take to me reading a book of that title."

So don't tell her dammit! Do you have to ask her permission for everything? I'm NOT trying to wind you up NTE - I'm simply pointing out that what "the wife" thinks should never be your first concern in making important decisions in your life. For now at any rate, you definitely don't tell her. Read the book at work. Keep it out of sight. You will be doing this for you, period. Its not going to be yet something else she can criticise you for. Got it?!?

Incidentally, specifically what kind of work issues have you been dealing with? If you were prepared to go into more detail, I might be able to give you some ideas. I'm going through some big upheavals myself at the moment.

You probably feel like the whole fricking world is against you right now - but its not. There are people on this board and elsewhere that know what you're dealing with and can help. So feel free to ask.

A final suggestion to you is to try and work some kind of meditation into you schedule - it really will help.

All the best,

S&A

DQ, I am working on another one as fast as I can! This one is a dead end anyway, taken out of deperation.

S&A, It is not that I need her permission, and I have the ability to read it without her knowing, I will just need to be more creative in how I order it as the transaction shows on our computer as we use Amazon fairly routinely.

The work situation involves a construction management issue between some subs who did not perform to spec, but claimed they did to contract etc etc etc. Also mixed in is boundary dispute by a very adversarial owner "just cross this line".

It really isn't that the situation is that untenable, it is my personality to feel responsible for projects that are mine as if it were my business or my money. It makes it hard to compartmentalize and walk away at the end of the day.

NTE

NTE,

"I will just need to be more creative in how I order it as the transaction shows on our computer as we use Amazon fairly routinely."

I see. I apologise for the 2x4! Maybe get your local bookshop to order it for you? Get a friend to order it for you? But do it.

Does your wife know you come on this site?

So you're in the construction business? The "new" me finds the whole industry archetypally masculine and fascinating. That is very cool.

"It really isn't that the situation is that untenable, it is my personality to feel responsible for projects that are mine as if it were my business or my money. It makes it hard to compartmentalize and walk away at the end of the day."

I understand. That part of your personality is actually a fantastic tool that can drive you to all kinds of things. But it is just a tool. You have to know when to put it down, otherwise it carries on cutting through all the rest of your life?

You are already good enough. You just don't know it yet.

S&A

From my point of view, I would recommend ordering it openly, regardless of what she thinks. If she asks about the title, then tell her "It's a self-help book about taking responsibility for my life, and improving my self esteem and confidence." If she sees you reading it or sees it lying around, then let her look it over.

My own wife snorted at the title, but agrees with much of what the book recommends --> she's applauded my efforts to 'man up,' and finds me a much more attractive and sexier guy for it.

Just my 2 cents.

-- B.

I agree with Baggy. If nothing else, it will cause a bit of mystery about you if she sees it. "Why would he order that, what does it mean?" And then she can either ask you or just simply wonder to herself.

DQ

I believe I will just order it. She and I both know that I have become too accomodating in life. Too many years of cancer issues, financial issues have weakened my spine a bit.

NTE

Two weeks, no sex. One week doesn't count, "wrong time". Still it is interesting to see how fast we can drift apart. Small fights escelating into larger ones, slept alone last night.

This weeks no sex is being brought on by a continuos series of headaches etc. She at least did go to see the doc as some of the issues look to be sinus/ ear related. At the risk of sounding shallow, it is interesting to note how low of a priority sex is with her. Anything can disrupt the flow. If it was more important, I imagine there would be more effort to work through stuff.

For myself, I must admit I am falling back into not realy wanting to be around my wife very much. I am sure she can tell and that does not help things either...

NTE