I find it fascinating that OW/OM do not realize that in their R's with these M people, they are being shown what that person is capable of. What they do with you, they will do to you.
except that in my case I think it is my H who is the naive one. Equally blameworthy, to be sure, but naive as to the true character of OW.....
As for me; nope, especially now, I wouldn't care what story i was spun, my BS meter has become so sensitized that i'd go running the other direction at the first whiff of attachment to someone else...
I told her to remember he is no better than her ex and she is no better than OW. She didn't like that.
Barb,
I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My exW's sister had an A and blazed out of her M...... My exW said over and over how wrong she was.... As she was taking her sorry a$$ out the door, I told my exW she was no better than her cheating sister....... She hated that! I guess it is okay in her mind to say something is wrong... Then, do it yourself........
The question that really burns in my mind is the following:
Quote:
If they think it is okay to just leave a M.... Do they then actually realize they are setting the bar for future Rs/Ms... Do they then think when they are in an R/M the OTHER person can leave for any reason like they did?
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Our stories are very similar. While H wanted to "renew our vows" and looked forward to our next 25 years - he was telling her a different story. And she was telling her H a different one too. Everyone kept saying "we're just friends". RIGHT!
My X now says our M was over for years and he was saying he was just friends with her the whole time we were seperated...then he married her 14 days after the divorce was final Like no one was smart enough to know what was going on. And I am sue he never told her that we also spoke to a priest about getting married in the Catholic church in the year before he met her....guess that wouldn't work with the story that our marriage had been over for years. Oh, and the new Mrs. X's first marriage ended when her H cheated on her....so how she could do what she did dumbfounds me!!! But then again, she is apparently as selfish and self-serving as the X, so they belong together.
Last edited by bright_new_day; 07/23/0802:23 PM.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I think she is totally living in a Fantasy World. She will not allow herself to think about or even ask him about his wife. I guess that makes her not exist in the fantasy. We all know that fantasy and reality are quite different. But she can't pull herself out of it so I think she let's him think she's just in it for the sex. I think she is addicted to him and the fantasy.
I have suggested the best thing for her is to go back to her counselor. I doubt she will because those who have the most serious problems rarely can admit it.
I would hope that I would never be the OM. Have always considered infidelity wrong and believe strongly, now more than ever, that I would never stoop that low.
I have talked to guys who have done that and their typical justification is the standard: "if it was not me it would be someone else", "her marriage is basically over anyway", "I couldn't help it, and she came on to me". In one case the wife went back to her husband, causing one guy to tell me that he wished she had more of a backbone!
Sadly, my sister has been the OW several times throughout her life. I hope she is now over that type of behavior. She knows it is wrong, and knows that she suffers from low self-esteem (being the only daughter of my mother, I can understand why). Of course, I am half joking and have never condoned her behavior. In fact, my judgmental side has reared its ugly head on one too many holidays, causing anguish for my stbxW.
Quote:
But if they had not availed themselves - it is not likely we would be where we are today.
Personally, I feel that if my W were not with her current loser, it would simply be another loser.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
I have talked to guys who have done that and their typical justification is the standard: "if it was not me it would be someone else", "her marriage is basically over anyway", "I couldn't help it, and she came on to me". In one case the wife went back to her husband, causing one guy to tell me that he wished she had more of a backbone!
JMC,
The aspect I really do not get is how a guy can "be with a woman" knowing she is married to another man and probably having sex with him from time to time as well..... I know some people will say it is "exciting" because it is "forbidden".... Yet, that seems so childish....
I guess I am one of the rare guys who sees the emotional side of this.... I would never want to be "involved" with a woman who is tied to another man.....
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I was so grossed out when I found out that x was sleeping with gf, same time he was sleeping with me. AND SHE KNEW HE DID!!! I went and got tested for STDs after taking a 3 hour bath. Yuck. What kind of person is ok with that?
I found that out as well. Ex did it with both of us on the same day on more than one occasion. I had a bad infection on the day he left. You can imagine what I thought. I also went to be tested for EVERYTHING. Fortunately it was just my body reacting to the maggots I guess.
I found that out as well. Ex did it with both of us on the same day on more than one occasion. I had a bad infection on the day he left. You can imagine what I thought. I also went to be tested for EVERYTHING. Fortunately it was just my body reacting to the maggots I guess.
GROSS ME OUT!
Barb
Barb,
That is gross........ IMAGINE... These people think they are getting some kind of prize, a desirable person? WTH?
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 07/23/0803:13 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
NMD and Donna - I hear you both! My guess is that it is very likely that married spouses tell the OP that they no longer have intimate relations with their spouse.
To make matters worse in my case, my stbx knew the OM had a serious gf! When I confronted my ex on this and asked 'how could you be the OW?!?!?!?" Her reply was that she did it because she knew there would be no strings attached!!! She is now living with this guy, so he evidently dumped his gf.
This is all so surreal. Never thought I would be in this kind of sitch with this woman!
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
