I know that my X told his OW that our marriage "had been over for years, but that we were still together for the kids." He said all kinds of things like that to her so that he could pursue her, but she knew the truth and didn't want to face her role in it.
Wow. Did our H's have the same OW??? But yes, the OW in my situation knew the truth as well.
And yes, I would be done too if I had found out that lie as well.
Enlightened was a good word to use. I couldn't figure out how to say it, but even though I never would have cheated or been with a married man before this mess, I admit I wouldn't have thought much about the role of the betrayed spouse. Until now.
There is no way I would ever date or even have the least bit of interest in someone who was married or even in a R with someone. I have alwasy felt this way.
Originally Posted By: BarbieDoll
I asked her how she can do it. Her response "All my life I did everything I was supposed to do and did it for others. Look where it got me. Now I want to do what I want to do".
Thats just sad, especially if this is something that has been done to her. So now she is getting even w/OW by becoming one? Scary logic.
Originally Posted By: bright_new_day
He said all kinds of things like that to her so that he could pursue her, but she knew the truth and didn't want to face her role in it.
When I asked the OW in my sitch (via text) if she knew she was "dating" a married man and how that was ok, she said, yes she knew, but he was nice to her...makes sense to me!
It makes me sick. I wonder how these people are able to look themselves in the mirror? Sad, sad, sad...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Our stories are very similar. While H wanted to "renew our vows" and looked forward to our next 25 years - he was telling her a different story. And she was telling her H a different one too. Everyone kept saying "we're just friends". RIGHT!
I wonder how my friend feels about cheating H she is with. I told her to remember he is no better than her ex and she is no better than OW. She didn't like that.
Yes, I believe we have all been enlightened by a horrible experience. One that no one who hasn't experienced it could imagine.
But to have experienced it and still be able to justify it to yourself is beyond comprehension.
Some people cannot face the truth.
I, too, emailed OW in the beginning. Asked her how she could do it to me. To my children.
The response came from my H. "Leave her out of this". HMMMM... what? How about she should move out of your apt - after all, you left only 2 weeks ago. HMMM???? And what she did was contact the police to try to get a restraining order on the kids and I so we would not "disturb their little love nest". That is fact. Police laughed.
I find it fascinating that OW/OM do not realize that in their R's with these M people, they are being shown what that person is capable of. What they do with you, they will do to you.
I have a friend that was OW for 8 years. Her justification? She wasn't the one cheating, he was. We have remained friends (she and OM are married now) but throughout her affair, she knew my opinion on the situation based on my experiences and that I was not sympathetic at all.
I seen no point in dating M men. OW/OM have to be getting something out of it and it baffles me what that might be. Is it the challenge? The 'excitement' of sneaking around? I wonder if OM/OW leaves their spouse, is it everything they thought it would be?
For my friend, she believed they absolutely should be together. Time will tell (they've been married 1 year).
Here is the phrase that I hear as I read your post....
Quote:
What he will do with you, he will do to you.
I guess I need to be frank and use some "adult terms"...... I personally have NEVER been one looking to "get laid"...... Even as a young adult, I was always in a committed relationship.... I ALWAYS just wanted to have that one special woman..... It was very frustrating at times... That is a story for another day...
Back to your post, if you friend is simply looking to "get laid".... Why bother with this married guy? She can find another single man somewhere.... If she is looking for a committed R, she needs to really sit down and analyze the type of man she wants..... I can see the personals ad now for her married lover.....
Quote:
Married Man
I cheated on my wife before Looking for a playmate when my wife is not around I am only interested in my own pleasure I have no character I do not value my wife I do not value my marriage I will probably cheat on you as well
Please call the dirt bag married man at 555-000-0000. If my wife answers, please hang up and call back later.
Would many women respond to her married lover's personal ad?
I guess this is my long way of asking if she would really want to be in a serious R with a man like this.
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
