Thanks, Phil & PDT. I will not push the phone # issue.
I can't get a car. I would be overextended on credit. I'm already close to it. What services I could offer for work are extremely limited, because Uncle Sam owns my labors. Side work would have to be extremely limited; therefore hardly the basis for auto purchase. I simply cannot take other work legitimately if I intend to stay with my job. Can't trade or move any hardware; those are now assets and the court order freezes them. As long as I stay with my job, there's a possibility I can get my head above water and be able to pay alimony, eventually. But now, I'm on the brink.
One more thing: I live in Vermont, so moped even wouldn't work for long. I absolutely need the car, at least until I can liquidate some of my debt.
Now, something else is happening to me. I ate chicken noodle cup o' soup with crackers & peanut butter last night. All through the night, I woke up with explosive, uncontrollable gastrointestinal problems. That part has mostly gone, but my stomach feels like it's tied in knots. Hard to keep something down. Feeling very weak. Also, I'm shaking and I feel chilly. So cold.
This is what we mean by manning up. Make it happen for you. It isn't what she does or doesn't do. She knows you need the car to go to work. That's why she took it.
Now what they mean by changing is that are you going to show her you are a man and she married a man. Don't be the boy and mommy took the car away. MAN UP! This may sound harsh, but it is not meant to be. Look at yourself. You don't need her. Yes she was your life, but you have to realize she isn't your life right now. Stand up for yourself.
Stop making excuses.
I have a truck, if you lived close I would let you use it. However all I'm doing is enabling you.
Go cut grass. Shine shoes. Deliver Newspaper. Collect cans... do what it takes. The busy stuff will get you mind off the situation. While your doing those things the anger will help you detach from her. Don't use the anger against her. Use it as a tool to detach from her.
Do it!
Mycroft... It is most likely normal to have gastro problems after not eating. You must eat in smaller doses. Even if it is a spoonful of peanut butter an hour or something.
Sorry to hear about your sitch. I know how little control you feel right now but things will get better. I have only read a few of the last posts and will read the entire thread here shortly but wanted to run some thoughts.
I'll try to stick to the business end of what's going on and this is not legal advice, by no means...
Vermont is an equitable divison of property state, like my state. Of course the courts have discretion of what is equitable..could be 50/50 or something else. Add up the assets, subtract the debts, split the difference. I can't find anything right now (and will look more later) with regards to Vermont but in SD, the courts do not distinguish the marital assets or debts by whom the accounts are registered to. The only distinguishment is with inherited or pre-marriage property. So in my sitch, my wife and I split everything that is in her name, my name and our name. Debts and assets. If you can find a free lawyer to talk with you can find out more about Vermont or you can search the codified law of Vermont if they have it online and try to make sense of it yourself. Found a link:
I am not sure what you and your wife are currently paying monthly with your $28,000 grand in debt but if you have been with a bank for a number of years, you might want to go talk with them to see if you can't get some type of unsecured/secured line of credit or installment loan to consolidate it into one debt with one payment. That should work out to approx $615/month based upon 28k in principal, 5 year term and a 10% rate. Would that free up cash flow? Also, it will depend on your credit etc...and not sure what implications the sitch will have on this. Just something to think about.
With regards to transportation to work, is there anybody in your town that works near where you do? It might be an inconvenience short-term but would be far better than the alternative provided you can't get your car. Do you have the option to work from home or switch to the 9 day schedule the govt has?
More to come as I read up on what's going on.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
We'll see if this link works but there are 5 firms, according to this site, in VT that offer free initial consultations. Might be worth chatting to all of them with different questions,eh?
Also, again not legal or financial advice but something to chat to lawyers about...if you have a 401k/403b or whatever the govt non-pension (ie you contribut into it and they match etc...) retirement plan, you can (although not highly recommended) withdraw funds from it as either a loan or cash out (loan gets repaid into the account on an after-tax basis and the interest is paid to you; cashout - 10% early withdrawal penalty if you are younger than 59 1/2 and then they withold 20% for taxes). There should be info on this on your plan's website. So, if you need a $2,000 retainer, you could either take the loan option and pay it off with your go forward contributions or withdrawy approximately $3,000 which would net approximately $2,000 after taxes and penalties. Again not advice and not recommending you do it. But if the only assets you have are there and if you need the money and there are no other sources to come up with the retainer other than then I would consider it and discuss it with an attorney.
I also have to agree with LostPhil. The car is gone. Don't make an issue about it. It may work against her if this goes to court if she is not letting you use the "marrital property" as the property has not been awarded by the courts yet, and it impacts your job. What other options are out there for you?
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Ok, I must have read something wrong about the car. I thought that she already took it. Ok, the car thing isn't even an issue right now.
Yes, as part of bargaining she may want half the car or something. That is way to ahead in the future right now. How do you know that she wants the car?
You need to focus on your health right now. It is not about a car. It's just a car. Don't worry if she has a key.
She told me when she was leaving she wanted it. And she is definitely determined about the alimony. Looks like she specifically waited out 15 years for permanency so as to get 50% and then started making me feel uncomfortable, so as to provoke me to leave or tell her to leave. I asked her why she hadn't left if she had been so unhappy with me; she refused to answer me.
LosingSunshine, thanks for the info. I already had to other people recommend looking into a loan on FERS. My supervisor advised me to contact my former supervisor, who is a CPA and tax consultant, and ask him for help.
I'm scheduled to meet with an attoreny by Vermont Bar referral next week at a $25 consultation. But he wants $3,000 for a retainer.
I really don't want to fight with Rose at all. I've done enough of that, and it makes me sick to my stomach.
