Quoting lostlove: guess I really need to get back to letting go of the past...I have taken to litterally those who don't understand history are condemed to repeat it...
More important than understanding history is how the "butterfly" effect can change history. It only takes one person to change something different at any point along the path to alter history. So more important than what did happen is what can be done differently at any juncture to prevent the cycle repeating itself and by realizing the infinite amount of choices along the course that can change the cycle ... then the need to know about every aspect of the past becomes irrelevant ... so that's why you should to let it go. Give yourself some peace knowing you are on a different path than before and you understand enough of what has happened to empower you to alter the course to prevent history from repeating itself.
Quote: . Give yourself some peace knowing you are on a different path than before and you understand enough of what has happened to empower you to alter the course to prevent history from repeating itself.
I hope (ok so I know) that h is on the same course as well. in other words..I hope the lessons learned will not be forgotten.
well something worked...
ok I'll share..part of what kept me pissy last night was that I just wanted a hug...but I never bothered to ask for or initate one I simply expected h to just know.
after all the arguing last night...h eventually said...why didn't you just ask for a hug..I would have gladly given you a hug...if I just come home and give you a hug all the time it would start to not mean as much.
my response..."cause I'm stupid" (I was feeling foolish for not just going for the hug as soon as he showed up)
h replied "you are not stupid or any of the other things you said I think you are"
so any who back to the fact that things are still ok.
1. despite the fact that the kids and I had already called h and spoke to him a few times he just called again to say hello.
2. he plans to be home at 6 to start extending the sprinkler system down to the new area (where all the trees were taken down and the "pool" now is, that yucky mucky area that causes the floor to get so dirty wich btw I moped this morning (not that'll stay clean for long)) so there'll be grass there soon!!
2. really really looking forward to sun nights concert..(ok ok I'll let you know what concert...james taylor) and actually h is looking forward to it too "time alone to relax and enjoy" is how he put it.
3. I've already got a sunburn wich means I'll be tan pretty soon!!
4. was able to do some review for quiz tonight while dd took a short nap. (all medical terms tonight! ugh...all of human anatomy in one chapter)
5. I've got you guys to remind me I'm not nuts and also to let me know when I'm doing good.
I also see some great communication going on with you and your H. And for heaven's sake when you need a hug from now on you WILL ask or initiate one, right???
For what it's worth, I am 100% with you on NOT bearing any responisibility for your H's A. Yes we all contributed to the lousy state of our M's but the decision of what to DO with the unhappiness, discontent etc. is the responsibility of each individual!!! My H has fully owned that.
Quote: For what it's worth, I am 100% with you on NOT bearing any responisibility for your H's A. Yes we all contributed to the lousy state of our M's but the decision of what to DO with the unhappiness, discontent etc. is the responsibility of each individual!!! My H has fully owned that.
I hope that my h will come to this understanding eventually too...right now he's heard me explain it as such and gives the "fine...it wasn't your fault" but that's just words...perhaps it is something we can deal with in c as at home it is simply my thoughts against his. I do understand his "reasoning"...if I hadn't of let things get to the place they were by my actions/reactions then he wouldn't have left...but that really doesn't fly...I do pose it back to him...gee h if I decide that I would like more sex and more socializing but you are just to busy or tired to accomodate that and so I find someone else to fullfill those needs is my a your fault?? indirectly yes but I must take responsibility for my actions and not try to have you shoulder the blame. but most of you here already understand that right?
so I'm feeling a little confused right now...
I think things are going well...
I still get lost sometimes in the fact that although things are different and there is more of h talking and sharing his day etc. it's hard for me to note any other significant changes...why I'm still trying to check and see I don't know...suppose I should just trust that h is being honest about his lack of interaction with ow.
the weather is getting to me...it's just too hot..sleeping at night has become difficult and I find that I'm more easily awoken in the am by h getting ready to leave for work. I think we'll get the ac's in this weekend...wish we could just put in central air but things take time and money..maybe next year.
emt class is going well...I got an 85 on last nights quiz...then learned how to take blood pressure...I'll have to eventually take everyone in the class.
sometimes I'm a little uncomfortable in class..it is after all 95% male...and they aren't just male they are testosterone ooozing men...firefighters, police...
I guess what I'm still missing here is passion...sure it's here on occassion but not with much regularity..but then I suppose if it were regular it would become stale and old and boring...I'm not just talking about sex either..I'm talking about h walking up behind me and putting his arms around me...or h just pushing me up against the wall and really kissing me...I don't know why I want these things I just do.
h plans to be home (or at least try to) earlier tonight..but he will work out in the yard...he's really looking forward to things slowing down with work and with stuff here...after this week he plans to start taking it easy..the big stuff is almost out of the way.
I feel bad for him working outside in this heat all day to then only come home to work somemore...
Putting his arms around me, a friendly/sexy caress in passing, being pushed up against a wall and KISSED...I HEAR you LL...I think maybe that's what my H doesn't get. He seems to think that I define sex as "intercourse" (which is important to me given his "difficulties") but feeling desired, desirable can be helped in SO many other ways.
Quote: but feeling desired, desirable can be helped in SO many other ways.
Sigh.
Shiny
P.S. other than that things are great for me!
glad otherwise things are great for you!!!
I have expressed to h that it is not so much acting on the desire but simply having the desire to begin with that I want from him...he is often tired and honestly I don't blame him..he does work hard all day and come home to work hard too. one evening I did suggest some activity and h replied that he wanted to his words "I want to believe me I want to I'm just beat tonight" I replied to him that knowing he wanted to was enough for me sometimes that's all I want.
you'll be proud to know that while talking to h on his way home I let him know that when he gets here I want a hug...he said no problem he's on his way to deliver!
You are not nuts....and you have been doing a terrific job..all the changes that we make..not matter how small, have a huge impact on the r...I have found that some of my changes have helped at work..patience..not judging..not assuming..we have learned some very valuable things around here..so we might all be a little nutty at times.. Enjoy every second you have...
yes I am nuts...I claim it!! it's fun being nuts!!
anywho....
starting to think that maybe I'm off on what my love languages are...it sure isn't as easy to figure out as ya'd think.
I am noticing that I really really like when people compliment me (not simply physically), or ask my opinion (as if it's one they value), or affirm what I think or say or have done. or show pride in me.
hmmmmmmm?
I know we don't just have one or two love languages we have a combination of a few or more...trying to figure out just what goes where in that combination.
I think I've been wrong all along...certainly physical touch is a primary...but I think it ties into words of affirmation (ok ok so the affirmation is given physically) quality time is def still a big one...actually that probably is #1...followed in a close tie by physical touch and words of affirmation...I notice that when I clean the house or do something like paint a room I wait for people to comment and if they don't I point it out to hear their opinion...I do this to h all the time too.
hmmmm...just when you think you know yourself you meet yourself all over again.
