LL, I have enjoyed reading your sitch. Were you really as bad off as I am? I find it hard to find hope on some days. Any suggestions for those really low days? My sitch in in MLC.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: LL, Dahling, you never did respond to a much earlier post I made about the whole ring issue...you aren't avoiding that are you???
shiny
I don't excatly remember what you said about it...I'm not avoiding it...
I would never have taken it off if he didn't leave!! he knows that...
when I gave him back his ring I waited a few days and then clearly said to him that I wouldn't put mine back on til he asked...
he knows full well that I will not put it back on til he asks..
if he chooses not to ask..and crap all he has to do is say "I want you to put your ring back on" well then a waisted couple of beautiful pieces of jewelry will sit in my cuppord forever...or at least until I die and can pass them on to dd or son.
I have conceided to far to many other things already...look ow IS STILL a friggen customer after all isn't she!!! I don't complain or even make mention (outloud anyway) when he comes home almost an hour later than he said he would even when he gives no explenation or apology at all. I do my best to keep my mouth shut about the pain and humilitation I feel as a result of his stupidity in spending so much damn time with someone else's wife leaving me at home alone neglected and lonely taking care of his house and children catering to him.
the ring stays off till I'm asked to put it back on...end of story.
Well, that DOES make a difference. I didn't know you had an "understanding" about the conditions under which you'd wear your rings again!
Do you think he might possibly be afraid you'd say no??? Or heaven forbid...forgot about that condition? I know my H's memory for stuff when the bombs hit is pretty shaky.
Just trying to figure out why in the world he HASN'T asked you to put them back on yet!!!
Quote: Just trying to figure out why in the world he HASN'T asked you to put them back on yet!!!
because to him it's pressure..it's what I want...
"you want all these things..you want me to propose again and reneiw vows, you just want drama"
I deserve a little drama for christ sake....I was lonely and alone at home...my h was distant and forever denying that he was having an affair...then calls and tells me (only because he was seen with her by someone close to me and feared I'd hear about it) he's given her a ride to a doctors appointment (cancer) then denies being friends with her...then claims aqaintance...then admits to have gone out to lunch with her a few times...then their good frineds...then he may want a divorce...then he stays at parents for a week...then he "tries" but all the while continues to see her weekly while lying to me about it...then up and moves out claiming to never have felt that way about me in the first place...then tells me he wants a divorce...here I am at home alone not working...living far from friends and family raising two babies (mind you dd was 3 months old when I got the call that he had taken ow to doc apt and I was still nursing he moved out just 4 months later) moves from his mothers to his sisters and then to his own appartment...ow asks her h for a d...they are going to live happily ever after...then out of nowhere he decides he's confused and may or may not want to come back to me...changes his mind after expressing so....then drags me around for a few months still not living here but having me at his will when he does...and I don't deserve a little drama...at least send me flowers..I've accepted that aint gonna happen...give me a card that expresses your love for me..accepted that aint comming either...so gee what else is there?? oh I don't know as your wife to put her rings back on and be your wife...even though you didn't directly ask her to take them off...you did make them meaningless to wear when you said you didn't want to be her h anymore..that you loved another and always had.
I don't think I'm asking for much here...
and so...if h never ever asks (wich is probably going to be the case) then they will never be worn.
I'm not feeling very good today...been kinda foolishly allowing myself to wallow in self pitty and sit analysis...I'm plauged by the question still of was it a pa even if not "sexual" was it a ticklely cuddly type of pa...I am not sure if I even want to know at this point but part of me does. when I feel like h and I are close or "connecting" I often feel like he wants to tell me something but doesn't...the last time I felt like that h asked when our next c session is...I don't know.
I was a tad pissy tonight when h did get home...maybe the whole ring topic set me off but I was already feeling down today...h was 45 min later then he said he would be and I got no call or explenation or even acknowledgement of the fact that he was later then he said he would be. then h upon walking in the door said "this floor is a mess" (well no duh h...you've got the area around the pool all dug up and nasty so when the kids come in the house they leave yucky little foot prints I can't do everything can I. (no I didn't say that but I sure as hell felt like it) then while sitting eating dinner son wanted me to go in the other room so he could tell me something...I didn't want to have to get up so I asked him to tell me at the table...he just kept mumbling and I finally said "well it must not be that important" h then called me a grump...that just set me off. I asked h if he had an appointment with a customer at 5:30 and wasn't going to be there till 6:15 would he call them and let them know he'd be late..do they get that courtesy?
all h heard of anything was that the comment about the floor bothered me...eventually he gave a sorry appology that ended with "whatever"
so to h!! whatever right back at ya!
ok I'm done pissin and moaning for today back to possitive me tommorow.
Hey, LL a down day was BOUND to occur, right? Sorry to hear it none-the-less.
No it's not too much to expect a little romance, a grand gesture, a re-proposal...I just don't know if your H is the type of guy to do that without a 2X4 to the head.
He probably assumes you feel your rings are "tainted" and doesn't want to bring them up. Bone head!!!
If you want to get your mind off of your crappy day, there's a new person on this forum...Sandra...can't remember her handle.. Something with an S, who is trying to decide whether to come clean with her H about the fact that her A WAS physical (she's denied it until now). A few of us have chimed in...Guess you can tell where Sage and I came down on that one!
Here's to the positives of tomorrow. Sorry if my ring jab contributed to your mood.
Quote: Sorry if my ring jab contributed to your mood.
it didn't, it's not as if I'm not aware every day..each time h and I go anywhere together (gee him with his ring on me with none don't I feel the looks..look at that married guy with that woman) every morning that I take out the sugar to put in my tea I see my rings.
right now I'm really really irritated with h.
once again h is just now taking son to the shower...h once again is drinking too much beer at least two a night (ya so what if they're lites doesn't matter beer is beer and two a night)
I'm annoyed...I'd like for my kids to be in bed sleeping and out of my hair by 8pm at least for as long as I can reasonably get them to bed by that hour (I know it'll be tough as they get older and aware of others bed times) but because h and son now take their shower together...if when h is off doing stuff in the yard or taking his dump or sitting on the deck drinking a beer and smoking a butt I attempt to take son up to give him a bath I must listen to a little boy cry because he wants to take a shower...either way I'm annoyed and either way it causes friction between h and I....h is thick...truly truly thick!! maybe I should just give him to ow...if she'd even take him back at this point.
Quote: You caught that too? And just when she was doing real good!
Don't worry, she'll be OK!
h continues to dig his grave deeper and deeper...puts son to sleep in our bed..as if it's actually any cooler in our room than his..then h sits at puter...I go out onto farmers porch to sit (ok and smoke a butt) h then gets up from puter and goes out to deck to smoke his butt...
dig dig dig...h dig dig dig...you started this friggen mess...you need to start shovelling...I'm getting tired of being the one doing the work..apeasing you...
whatever!
I suppose now would be a good time for h to let me know that ok he didn't screw ow but he did just about everything else. at this point I really don't care...I just want the world to stop spinning...I want to be free...I don't want to suffocate anymore..I want to feel good in my skin...I don't want to hide my bithcy side...I want to cry...and stomp my feet..I want to be vulnerable and feel somewhat safe knowing that I place my vulnerability in the hands of a man who wont take advantage of it...I want to trust my h...I want my h to ask me to once again wear the rings that he put on my hand the day I became his wife...I want to beat the ow to death with a sledge hammer...ok so I don't actually want to do it I feel bad even thinking of doing it.
I want h to cry and feel bad for the pain he has caused me.
to h!! whatever right back at ya!
