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The rest of the day was kind up and down. I think I am just more tired than anything right now.

Had to send a text to W that I would could watch D11 this coming Mon, Tue. I included other dates when I would be with the guard unit. W called later because she did not understand what I was saying. Explained that I was available Mon, Tues to watch D11. Talked a little bit and called it good.

W called later in the day because D11 was did not want to spend the weekend at my parent's house, she wanted to stay with me. I am working and W is going to a softball tournament. Though D11 will be here tomorrow night for a few hours. Talked to D11 a little and got her heading in the right direction. Talked to W again for a little bit about some other stuff and told her to call if D11 was still not cooperating. Said ok and left it at that.

During these calls I could tell from her voice that she was going from friendly to somewhat cold. Figure now to back off and not talk to her this weekend. Should not be to hard, I usually only call her if it is something important. Just see her Mon morning when I pick up D11.

IMP you said earlier to watch for anger. That I can recognize, accept and let go. Today my mind went down the path of maybe we are not right for each. Make better friends, don't like some of the things about her, ect. Just kind of crept in and went on for awhile.

Was not really expecting that.

Y
This is all very normal
our WAS are hot and cold
they dont want to give false hope
but I think they enjoy us fighting foi them and in the beginning they know we are trying
they see the changes in us
the way we are suddenly caring for them that we may not have in the M
I believe our MLCers are serious about their leave
they plan on never returning
but then for some of them..it is hard to go
msybee b/c we the LBS have become something they always wanted
but now there is the crises
the OP
and the pull away seems to be very powerful
they have to go and follow it it seems real to them
some return(I personally know 4 couples who reconciled)
but the spouse never moved out in these cases all had affairs and threatened move but didnt
many dont return as well
it is a gamble
probably one we must take
many ups and downs
find ways to take care of yourself
workout, eat right , find something fun and new friends
peace

Well D11 just left to go back to my parents house. I gave her the phone to call W, but did not talk to W today. Good and bad I suppose, I just keep the bigger picture in mind.

The one thing I have not wrote on here is about an EA affair. W told me that she was starting to have feelings for someone else. They used to date and he broke her heart. It started because W started to confide in him and seek his advice. I thought it was a done issue since he had not called the house. Started to again this week.



I can see the truth with this. She has pulled back from me more since W told me about it. That is kind of hard to fight. Although I fight for myself therefore my marriage.

I did have what an alcoholic would call an awakening this morning. Seems like a lot of things that have been mulling around in my head came together.

When she said she could not see the changes that I started to do eight months ago, I can see why. I think that they were more superficial then the ones I have been making the last couple months. I thought I was changing, but not really. I just fooled myself into thinking so. Although I "did" some things it was not me that really changed all that much.

I have found more inner peace now and I think it does show. That is probably the biggest. The little things are also helping.

I do think that I do need to have a talk with W. Not so much about the R, but what was going on with me for a long time. Longer then I thought until today. I have written her a couple letters and have got good responses from them. Now talking about my emotions some is a huge step. It is a complete 180 for me since I had shut her out emotionally. That is one of those things that depends on her mood. This is something I need to do to move forward in my own life.

Yenko
You can try to share your feelings with her
but be prepared she may not listen
she may not validate them
she may be indifferent
woman like to share feelings so she may also emjoy the shift
I know my H hates to talk feelings and he is definitely not interested in mine on this MLC journey
so maybe test the water with something small say one sentence and see the response
most mlcers are very self focused
peace

It is hard telling what she will be like. I think I will wait until she brings up the R. She has wanted to talk for a while, but has not initiated it again.

Went by the house today while at work and saw OM truck in the driveway. I had the urge to do something stupid, but resisted them. I was either going to walk in say hello and get something and walk out or text her hello and tell OM hello for me or even worse. It took a bit but I put it out of my head. I can't do anything about it anyway and why let my imagination get the better of me.

Later this afternoon she called. I ignored it the first time. Twenty minutes later she called again asking if I could pick up D11 from my parents and take her home. I asked if she was feeling ok? She said she was tired from the softball tournemant.

I asked how it went and she did not have a good experience. She is not the most athletic and some other women on the team were giving her a hard time, being b@tches, ect. Just validated her and then told her I was losing service and would talk to her later.

She seemed happy to talk with me today. I guess since I have not talked to her for a couple days, but who really knows. I gave up trying to figure out what is going on in her head. Messes up my head to much, I have my own problems to fix.

I think I will just drop of D11 and tell W I am tired and see her tomorrow. I am tired and the day caught up with me. I don't mind picking up D11, at least I can see her for a little bit today.

Right now I don't have the energy or mental whereabouts to talk with W about much. If she tries I will tell her tomorrow will work better. I hate to walk into a conversation without being fully prepared and on my game.

Picked up D11 from my parents and took her back to the house. W unlocked the door and W looked really tired. W thanked me for bringing D11 home, I just told her you are welcome.

I said I am sorry you had such a bad weekend. W said oh well, sh*t happens. I told her I was tired and would see her in the morning. She said that was fine and bye. I told her bye and she thanked me again for picking up D11. No real mood, just her "tired" mood.

After seeing her again after a few days, I think I am pretty well detached. Now that I am moving forward I see her in a different light. I am not to impressed right now what I see.

But, I do love her and leave a door open if she wants to come back and try to work things out.

Hi yenko.

Just read over your past couple of days. Nothing here is out of the ordinary. But then again, I have seen pretty much everything.

You mentioned detached. Detachment comes and goes. You have good days and bad days. You move forward. You fall back. The key is to keep trying to be the best you can. You will screw up from time to time. When you feel a screw up coming on, try to catch yourself. It is a process of healing you are going through and that is how it should be,

And if you need to see someone get their butt kicked, watch Miller's Crossing.

Have a good night.

IMP

I have realized that detachment does come and go. It can come down to moment to moment.

I really wonder about the OG. Since they do have a history together I think that the EA is going to be harder to break. I am disappointed in him, thought he was a friend. I also don't know how far that relationship is or what is going on with it. D@mn imagination.

My W is almost always polite when she talks with me. I suppose I think to much though.

I have come to realize a few things over the last few days. When I saw OM truck at the house. Even though it is her choice, I do see my part in driving her to find someone to give her the attention that she needs. Still hurts, but understanding and accepting helps some.

I look at my W as two different people now. I see her as an individual and the other part as my W. My real concern is the individual part of her. The W part I try to stay detached and separated from.

I guess in this journey I have found what unconditional love is. My real concern is that she does go and find her inner happiness that she has never really had. It hurts to let her go, but it is for the best. I do believe my W deserves to find the inner peace and happiness that she deserves. I am not sure she is going about it the right way, but she has to choose her own path and live with her decisions.

I have also found out what real pain is. Losing her hurts. The real hurt comes from the way that I treated her and walked out on her emotionally. I thought of it on a sympathetic level before, now I feel it on an empathetic level. This is hard to come to terms with. I have broken down on and off over the last few days about it. That is what really hurts and why I don't have any expectations of her coming back.

I still do stand by choice. If not I would not be true to myself. I really don't have any expectations that she will return, but leave a door open if she finds her way back. Sooner or later it will close, but it is a natural process that needs to run it's course.

I did go over there yesterday to watch D11. Wife was still sleeping when I got there so I went out and did some yard work. W came out after awhile and looked at me kind of puzzled. Talked a bit and she left for work.

After I got done, I went into the house and picked up a few things. W came home early sick. She said that when I came over to watch D11 I did not need to clean, I told her I know. She asked if D11 told her I called and I said no. She was going to stop by the store and had called to know if I needed anything.

She did ask if I could go to the store later and pick up some things she forgot, not really a problem. I was going to pickup my niece and nephew from the babysitters and bring them back until my SIL or BIl picked them up.

When I got back, watched neice/ nephew until my BIL picked them up. I had D11 start to get some things ready and my got up. We talked for a little bit and told her I was going to take D11 overnight and to call if she needed anything. She started talking about her cell messing up on her and wanted to know when we could change our contract. Maybe go with a new service provider. W talked about doing this together and being on the same plan.

Then she said that she is not confused. That she wanted me to have a happy life but it was not going to be with her. I told her I know that and understood. She said that was a first and a complete 360 (180) for me. She also said that counselor advised we not be friends after this since C thinks it would be to hard on me. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I told her I had some things to talk about with her also. She asked if I had come to some conclusions and I said yes and we could talk tomorrow when she feels better. W said that she may be making the biggest mistake of her life, but needed to move on and find herself.

When I got back her she called and said she tried to reach me earlier (my cell died). She said I could have taken her car since she was not going anywhere. Made more small talk. She asked if I could call before I came back and maybe pick her up something if she still felt bad. I told her that would be fine. She said thank you and I told her bye and talk to her tomorrow.

I still am thankful that we are both mature enough to be friendly, respectful and polite with each other. We have been getting along a lot better then we have for quite a while. I do wonder if we would be just better off as friends than as a married couple.