Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Left the Rollercoaster - Now what???

he's talking to you because he is miserable and has no where to turn, you are the closest person he's had and... it's payback time, what goes around (him cheating) comes around, the A's magic has dissolved.

It does make sense to talk about stuff before going to the mediator, that's what we did, the stuff we couldn't agree/figured out we left for the mediator. As long as you've talked to a L and know what you should get it's ok to negotiate with him before hand. Just don't give anything away unless he's giving something in return, think very well how it can affect you in any way.

You're doing great.

Thanks Cat. Part of me wonders that now that he is admitting that he life is no longer rosey and he is having remorse for the A, is he starting to come out of the fog? I know it is not healthy to hold onto this hope because it then keeps me waiting. He has said that he wants the D. I told him that if he changes his mind he knows where I am. He also said that he still feels so much anger towards me (for what I have no idea. never shared anything with me).

I am still trying to detach and live my own life. I think that by moving on I have the best possible chance of keeping peace in my life. If he comes to a place of understanding then he can come back to me. I really hate that I still look for these nuggets of hope. It keeps me in limbo instead of allowing me to move into exceptance. Wish my heart would just let him go like my head has. One day at a time......

Today was not so good. I think seeing him and talking with him sent me reeling again. I keep going over conversations that we had in hopes of finding him starting to de-fog. I know this is not healthy for me, too much energy spent on him instead of my life. I still miss him though. The best thing I can do is GAL and stop obsessing about if he is coming back. Most of the time I do this pretty well, and I can see how when NC is broken it hurts ME.

I had such a convo with stbx once, after the LS was in the works, how he felt bad and low and the mistakes he made... I actually thought that it was a prelude to him halting the LS, boy he got mad when i suggested to postpone the LS meeting! he was just venting about his feelings, nothing to do with not wanting the LS. He's made up his mind that the M was a mistake, and ow or no ow he didnt' want back.

The best thing is, not to have this kind of talks anymore, he has no clue how damaging this talks are, how they give you a bit of hope, he's selfish and doen'st understand the magnitude of how much this whole thing hurts you.


I went though that too hon, I bet all in this board at some point went though every convo, trying to extract something to which we can hang on, something they said that might, just might, mean more than what really meant at the time.

Keep the NC hon, it's the best way to heal))))))))))))))))))))))