My thanks to both of you. God help me, I don't know which end is up.
I'm engaged in anger management counseling, marriage improvement counseling at church, and direct advanced spiritual counseling based on Stu Weber's Tender Warrior with the church pastor.
I've been trying not to say anything negative about her to her relatives, including in-laws, and her youngest daughter and son-in-law are talking to me, but won't let me in their apartment any more. Although Keri (the daughter) has been civil by her own initialization, I can feel the undercurrent of animosity from her.
But now I'm starting to think I'm chasing something I don't really want. There are some things that are starting to occur to me upon reflection of the entire 26 years we had together. And although it started with hunches, what also stirred it up was one of the things my wife smugly snapped at me the last day before she left: "Remember how you used to say that you're the smartest person you know? Well, you're not!" That, and the tremendous self-confidence she showed that week preparing to go, and her incredible, unprecedented demonstration of vehemence in front of the police officer on her last visit to the apartment all have me putting together some pieces. I'm not really liking where this is taking me, but I think it's looking all too plausible.
When I first met Rose, it was working with her. She was in her first marriage. A year after meeting, I got involved with her, and I know why. She laid the tears on me and started telling me how bad her husband was.
Then once we were involved in a full-fledged affair (abbr. escapes me) for a couple years, she told me she'd had 6 other affairs during her marriage and told me each man's name. But when I brought her admission up during our arguments for the last week we were living together, she denied having them or telling me that and claimed she didn't know any of the names. Yet, I knew 2 of the guys were still living in town.
Stop focusing on her. Stop focusing on what she did. You are in this. You are the one here. It doesn't matter how you met or what happened. Yes it does provide answers, but that is not the focus. Yes I agree meeting in an infidelity situation will create a pattern. She may have continued that pattern. You can't not control that. You can only control you. You also can not focus on the fact that may what she was doing. Who cares if the guys are still in town. If you dwell on that information you are only going to make yourself worse.
Focus on you.
It sounds like it took her two years from what you wrote to plan this out. She was going to push you into the situation by provoking you. Then she can justify her actions. Well he told me to get out of the house. Which was just your anger talking.
Focus on you changing to become the better person. What you are doing is good. Anger management, etc...
What else? A common theme is when you point a finger you have four pointing back at you.
Ouch. Felt that, and true. I KNOW there's plenty wrong with me. No sx during a 4-5 year period with a beautiful woman is a huge clue that something is wrong with me. Plus my getting angry with her in 2000 and deciding to get emotionally involved with OW as revenge, even if the OW was setting me up, is another symptom.
Point taken.
I hear you about the wellbutrin. Was prescribed a generic; not taking it for same reasons you give. Taking a quarter of the sleeping pill dosage, though, and helped a little.
Yes, find out why you yourself sex starved the marriage. Fix that in you. Even if you don't work it out with your wife. Don't take this problem into your future.
The other woman symptom for you as revenge. Does that sound like a loving husband? Something else you never want to take to your future. When you go outside the marriage to someone else for something, this is known as a band aid approach to your problem.
I was taking Wellbutrin to stop a smoking problem. Because I was trying to fix a situation about me that my wife didn't like. I myself most likely didn't give Wellbutrin a chance because after the third day I was worse. I stopped taking it.
Funny I stopped smoking too.
Let me tell you now. I feel incredible and I didn't take a chemical to fix it whether in a medication form or adult beverage form.
You have to do what is healthy for you. If you feel like you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
I dunno. I don't like staying in my apartment alone, but being with other people I hang with or visit -- bless their hearts and my profoundest thanks to all -- doesn't work all that well as a substitute.
Today, feel numb. Just got back from the doctor. She recommended magnesium for the charlie horses I've been having every night for the past week. Forcing myself to eat doesn't work well. I really don't understand what's happening to me. I was never like this when I was on my own. But then, there's not much of that I remember.
As for music, tried to listen to the radio in the car coming home from work. I used to like the radio, but I turned it off when Rose's parakeet died and it just came back on today for the first time. Really didn't appeal to me. So, I know I'd never be able to get back behind an instrument again. Sorta glad I got 'em outta the house. The big black things were just sitting there, accusingly.
Received my copy of DR yesterday when I got home from work. Already in second chapter. What she offers seems beyond my grasp right now. Most of my wife's family and friends have absolutely shunned me, and it appears that she has paid the best attorney in the area to ruin my financial status, quite possibly losing my job.
Saw the page on detachment, LostPhil. Even though I know in my head that a lot of it makes sense, and that it's probably best, it feels like finalizing everything, even more than the decree due in December. and the 3 kids I came to know as "my grandchildren," they're gone. Do you know the grandson is 14 years old, and that boy and I have been best buddies since he was 2? Now, he won't even talk to me and he doesn't want to be in my sight.
I don't see any hope anyway. I've never felt so useless, worthless, and like such a nobody in my whole life. I've never wished I were dead so strongly than what I do now. I pray daily that the Lord deliver me from all this. Besides, if I die naturally, my wife gets close to $100K in life insurance. It would be for the best.
Please, do not give up hope. Instead of praying for God to deliver you from all this, ask him to HELP you THROUGH it.
Last summer, I found out my beautiful then-47 year old wife, and mother of our four children, was having an affair with her 28-year old personal trainer. I was DEVASTATED. I too, felt hopeless. But I asked God for help, and was continually amazed that nearly EVERY DAY, He seemed to equip me with JUST what I needed to get through that day, or He put someone in my life to help me, or allowed me to hear something either encouraging (when I needed it), or that would stir my righteous indignation (when I needed that!) in order to get me off my timid butt.
Lord, please help MC69 see some hope in his situation, and please send him helpers to comfort him.
