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Girl,

I have done some independent research, and I have discovered that every man has that same body part. (This came as a surprise to my husband, who said I must be wrong.) Don't despair. You can get it elsewhere, from someone who isn't dead to you otherwise.

That will make the TV news for sure.

I bought one of those life-like stuffed Rottweiler's and brought it home. My dog at the time (German Shepard/Siberian Husky) barked and growled at it when she first saw it. Meanwhile, my male cat calmly walked up to it and sprayed it with urine. I cleaned off the cat pee and to this day that Rottweiler guards my office at work far away from spiteful cats (who I now miss dearly).

I know someone whose neighbor shot her dog with a rifle. Good thing he missed her kids. People are crazy. And pee does not hurt the grass. Throw a little water on it.

Sounds like a job for the Big Dog Robot.

That one is real, but this parody of it is pretty darn funny...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXJZVZFRFJc

Oh yea, ms. imp..

What cookie said!


*hugs*

I agree, I third (?) that!
K

I'm wondering if people who read my thread think, "just move on already. Give up. It's not worth it." Do I seem like the world's biggest idiot?

If we didn't have the added complexity of working together, I would definitely throw in the towel. I know most don't understand why I don't just "get a new job." I don't won't to throw away the last 8 1/2 years of my life... it's complicated.

Edited to add:
I guess I just need to figure out how to work with him and not allow it to affect me. Having to see him move on with his life, with another woman, have children... it seems too much to bear. To have to witness that on a daily basis. I have to figure out how to do it. That's what's holding me back. I might see a lawyer next week... I just cannot go on like this anymore.

Thanks ti all of you for being supportive. It's impossible to convey how much it means to me.

((((((((((((((Sweet Girl))))))))))))))

I often wonder the same, and if anyone thinks you're the world's biggest idiot, then I must be the universe's #1 moron.

You are NOT an idiot. You are a superb individual who, like many of us here, believes in fighting for what/who we love. Even when most of those we love do not deserve all of the time and energy we give them.

Girl, you are amazing. To keep yourself composed while working in the same environment on a daily basis.....WOW. That requires a GREAT deal of strength I know I could never attain. I stand in awe of you.

Please be kind to yourself, and I sincerely hope your H wakes up one day and realizes what he's got before he forever loses the best thing that's ever happened to him - YOU.

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Ms imp..

"I'm wondering if people who read my thread think, "just move on already. Give up. It's not worth it." Do I seem like the world's biggest idiot? "

Here's my perspective, for better or worse.

Seeking out the help of a counselor is great, allowing you to have another frame of reference which is focused solely on your wellbeing. Decisions like this shouldn't be made alone in your head.

From the outside looking in, it's just weird. You live in the same house, work at the same place and have less than 20 words shared on a daily basis. You make his meals, accept him when he wants physical involvement and go grocery shopping buying what he likes. You are being a wife.

You accept his behaviors because you love him. It's okay for him to be withdrawn and silent, moody. It's okay to put his work needs first since you don't want to bother him with your emotional needs and conflicts. It's upsetting that he goes and does hobbies with her that you have no interest in. It's upsetting that they can laugh and talk easily at work and you're left feeling alone.

But all this time, my dear ms. imp... you're fighting this battle alone in your head. You're getting hurt, lost and frustrated, changing and becoming aware of what you need but at the same time you are accomodating everything to his needs... what works for him.

Ms. imp.. what works for YOU?

What is your statement of being?

What do you need (not want) out of a marriage, a relationship?

What are concrete signs that these things are happening?

Have you flat out told him what you need? Or is it easier to accomodate him because of the love and connection you feel toward him.

Ms. imp... I've said this before.. You are me, 20 years ago. Even though spouse didn't have a female friend, his work was (and is) his mistress. I accepted his need to turn inward, why it was right for him to be emotionally withdrawn. When it hurt enough, I was overwhelmed and shut down too.

Two hurt people don't make one complete marriage. At best you learn to coexist and revel when you can both connect. Staying connected involves being open to change, communicating even if its about stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable. It's not about being numb or numbing.

Ask yourself what you deeply truly need. Ask yourself what you expect out of a marriage, a life long commitment, a relationship.

Go from there.

Do rather than fret.

You are not alone.

*love and hugs*

I guess I was trying to DB. It's not like he's outwardly rude... but I know what you're saying. I wish I could let go of this fear that keeps me stuck.

Fear of being alone.
Fear of never finding love again.
Fear of watching him move on with his life...
Fear of 'what if' - what if I supported him enough, gave him enough time, etc. What if we could have the marriage I loved again? It was really, really nice for awhile.

Thanks for your sweet reminder to take care of ME.