guess I should update my .signature line. She HAS filed already. served me in Dec 2006. At the time, was full-steam ahead for getting it done. Over time, this has mellowed out. But she still is holding on tightly to a grudge. Too tightly to reconcile with me.
She asked me to buy her out of our house. Previously, it was just because she "wanted out". However, in the present, she says it is only because she "needs the money" to help her parents make payments on loan for their home remodelling(where she lives in the added-on rooms and pays rent), because her father just lost his job.
When I asked her, she said that was the only reason. and while she "thinks about finalizing the divorce sometimes", she says she does not have any specific plans to do so at the moment.
'course, the last time we spoke about her intentions, she wasnt actively dating a guy in the same timezone. So I dont know whether she still has no plans to do so. double-ugh.
Dom, the last line here is something that's been rolling around in my head since I read it. My wife recently told me in an email "I have not asked them to prepare a divorce filing at this time." She's friendly at times but communication has been slowly eroding away. Nor can I really count on her to get things done that she says she'll do or is required to do.
So what gets me about my situation and yours a bit too is why? If it was all so bad that they had to start down this path, why after heading down it is there a seemly uncertainty to walking the path. Along with that then if they aren't certain of this way why are they not certain of the other path called reconciliation?
Its definitely frustrating for both of us because our situations have been going on for so long. Yet we stand and we should be proud of ourselves for holding to our commitments in the face of such uncertainty.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
we had dinner, to talk about me buying her out of her share of our house. unpleasant subject. She haggled about amounts, also. Then we ended up having a long discussion about the past, present, and future(kinda). Not exactly an "R talk", but it was in parts. I also asked her what she wanted for HER future. I tossed up the idea that what she's going through/went through, kinda sounds like an MLC to me.
Was an interesting reaction. a lack of one, mostly. I say interesting, because she could have gone into "That's Riddiculous, how dare you say that about me!" But she didnt get like that at all.
Eh. chatted about lots of things. no real "big things" happened. not sure why i'm even bothering to write this down here, really I dunno.. i guess in some ways, it was the best we've actually "discussed things", for an extended period of time. So... that's a positive thing.
oh well. If she agrees to the amount I suggested, guess I'll be calling back the loan people I talked to last week, with the go ahead to proceed. sigh.
random note: She actually wore a dress. (something I asked if she might do). It was surprising, because it is something that she almost never does, and says she still dislikes. (I used to ask her for years to wear dresses more, then finally gave up). She still doesnt "feel comfortable" wearing them. Which is sad, 'cause she looks really good in it.
meh. some difficult conversation. but I enjoyed being with her, and talking face to face with her alone, just the same. Something I almost never get these days.
Last edited by Dom R; 07/06/0805:32 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
What?! You're NOT a shining saint???! My image of you has been shattered!
The strength it must take to give some you love a massage, knowing that it can't go any further....I would fall apart. When's your birthday?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Dom, interesting stuff here! I know it definitely helps to stand for so long when there does appear to be at least some thin thread left. I'd say y'all have a bit more than a thin thread.
I know what you mean about being able to just listen to her breathe, just feel her presence next to you, feel her heartbeat. Yes you want all those things but remember God gives us what we need. So make sure there aren't some things you still need to work on here too.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
