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Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
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See how my brain goes round and round? Have I lost my mind?


If you were in my head you would think your on a carnival ride..the gears turn constantly..

You think you don't make a pretty picture..I disagree..

Hang in there girl.

By the way, like the thread title..


Mikey! Good to see you here. Misery loves company - I'm so relieved I'm not the only one stuck in the continuous thought loop. It's exhausting, isn't it?

I'll have to go see what you're up to. Hope all is well. Thanks for your sweetness. I did catch a couple guys checking me out today, which is always an ego boost. Why do I desperately wish one of those guys was my husband? =(

My feelings of love for him have diminished to almost nothing, but if he could show me the "old" him and show me some tenderness I know those feelings would return in a heartbeat.

And my thread title is curtosy of the brilliant mind of our beloved Gypsy butterfly. Isn't she amazing????!!!!!


M: 37
H: 36
Married: Aug 13, 2004
Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008
Reconciled: September 2008
Current: Ambivalence
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Quote:
My feelings of love for him have diminished to almost nothing, but if he could show me the "old" him and show me some tenderness I know those feelings would return in a heartbeat.


Girl, mine are gone. I feel nothing. I look at her and wonder why I did it? Why I married her.

Quote:
And my thread title is curtosy of the brilliant mind of our beloved Gypsy butterfly. Isn't she amazing????!!!!!


I've thought that a few times....she is pretty amazing.

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Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Girl, mine are gone. I feel nothing. I look at her and wonder why I did it? Why I married her.

You didn't marry "her" - you married someone lovely who morphed into the current version. The trick is to figure out how to avoid this in the future. Perhaps the next marriage should require pre-marital counseling/RETRO, boot camp, shock therapy???


M: 37
H: 36
Married: Aug 13, 2004
Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008
Reconciled: September 2008
Current: Ambivalence
Joined: Mar 2008
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Originally Posted By: girlfromipanema
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Girl, mine are gone. I feel nothing. I look at her and wonder why I did it? Why I married her.

You didn't marry "her" - you married someone lovely who morphed into the current version. The trick is to figure out how to avoid this in the future. Perhaps the next marriage should require pre-marital counseling/RETRO, boot camp, shock therapy???



More serious. Lobotomy maybe..

I don't know that there will be another.

I would not even know where to start, if I ever "start" again.

How a bout a good old smack up side da head with that Kumquat of yours?? instead of lobotomy??

Last edited by M from Tennessee; 07/16/08 11:26 AM.
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You know, I almost typed lobotomy! I'll take a magic kumquat any day.

You'll find someone to love again. Take time to heal from this relationship first. You can focus all your love on your little angel.


M: 37
H: 36
Married: Aug 13, 2004
Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008
Reconciled: September 2008
Current: Ambivalence
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This morning right before I woke (at 3 AM) I dreamt my husband crawled into bed and whispered that he just wanted to hold me and called me "baby". It was so real that I put my arm where I thought he would be... and then realized it was just a dream.


M: 37
H: 36
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Reconciled: September 2008
Current: Ambivalence
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I love those dreams, but I hate waking up from them. It makes the whole day a disappointment. Makes me wish I could go back to sleep and pick up where it left off.


Me45 W35 M6 T8
D16 SD11 D0
Dec 07: Bomb
July 08: Busted!
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She said Twerpled!

(((((((Girl)))))))

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The dream was a painful way to start my day because it was so very real. It must have only lasted a few seconds, but the feeling of joy I felt in that moment was immense beyond words. Then, BAM, reality sinks in.

I'm completely drained and barely functioning today due to the lack of sleep. My husband didn't get home until after 9. I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to face him after my behavior yesterday morning.

This morning I said my usual good morning and goodbye as if nothing had transpired. I would like to act as if it was no big deal about taking the photos down and my message was simply a curtosy to let him know what happened. The tension between us is palpable. I've been waiting for him to drop the other shoe for the past several days since his project, for the most part, is complete.

Today an email was sent to the staff announcing the close of business early Friday afternoon... for a launch celebration. NFW will I be able to act as if in front of the staff with H and OW for an hour and a half. I will have to come up with an excuse. I can't do it. Everyone will see right through me and the rumor mill already in motion.

Why can't he just love me? Why can't he just see that we are both equally to blame? This is so difficult. It would be painful no matter what, but the added complexity of working together makes it so much harder.

Maybe I should schedule daily appointments with my C. I'm such a mess today.


M: 37
H: 36
Married: Aug 13, 2004
Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008
Reconciled: September 2008
Current: Ambivalence
Joined: Jan 2008
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(((((gfi)))))

You are doing really well!! Having to deal with not only H but also OW at work... nobody can act "as if" with that. But you are keeping your head held high, and for good reason. Screw the rumor mill. If the people around you can't see the love and devotion coming from you when H has given you only heartache in return, then they are not seeing the wonderful person we all know you are. You deserve better than what you are getting, but remember most people end up getting what they deserve (H included). We're with you!


Me45 W35 M6 T8
D16 SD11 D0
Dec 07: Bomb
July 08: Busted!
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