Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Hope4us struggle, part 7

Good morning peeps.

Thought I'd post an update. Not much communication at work Friday, but W was busy so it wasn't unexpected. W also told me yesterday afternoon that one of her friends at work (not the enabler gf) stopped by her office and they talked for about an hour. This is good. I don't know if W would share anything about our sitch with this woman, but I do know that this friend had some problems with her H but DIDN'T pull anything like W did and is either working on their marriage or have worked things out. She is closer to our age and WAY more mature than EGF, so it was good to hear. This lady works in another area of the plant W works at so she stops by about once a month to talk with W. I can only see good things from their friendship.

So shortly after we got home from work Friday I took off for hometown. We talked for a few minutes before I left and when I was walking out the door I told W I'd see her Saturday and she said "ok, have a good time". So I'm driving to hometown and thought to myself, I wonder how long it will be before W TM's me? Took about an hour, but right on que, I get a text from her. She had seen something on the news about airlines cutting flights and raising their prices and wanted to know if we already have our flights for our Oct trip. I replied that we did and the conversation went on for a while. Her last reply to me too about 10 minutes after I sent my last one and when I got home yesterday she made a point to tell me she was sorry that the last reply too so long but she couldn't get the message to send and she had to turn her phone off and then back on to get it to send. I thought that was good that she made the point of telling me why it took so long to get the last reply. And when she sent the first TM she started it with "sorry to bother you". Another good thing. Ok, so that was long about some simple TM's but it just shows me she's still making progress. And the other thing is, she KNOWS we have our airline tickets. We've talked about it a number of times, when I made the reservations, when we were driving by the airport (first time we've flown out of the airport near our home since we relocated) and one other time when we discussed how nice that will be only being 20 minutes from the airport.....so I saw her TMing me to ask about that as a way to get a conversation started because she wanted to talk to me and this was the way to do it.

So I got to our friends house and had a great evening. They'd ordered pizza from our favorite local pizza shop and had it waiting when I got there. We ate while enjoying a couple of adult beverages and then got in their pool and stayed there till about 10 pm. Went inside and continued the evening. It was a GOOD time.

Sat morning went to my golf outing and played REALLY WELL. It was a scrambles and not to brag, but I carried our team. We ended up in second place in our flight and won $10 bucks for that! And then I won the putting contest and won another $105 bucks for that! WooHoo!

So I start heading home and TM W and tell her I won the money and that started a long TM exchange. She was telling me how awesome I was playing golf and what had gone on the night before and what she was doing during the day etc. I stopped in town before leaving and picked up a supply of our favorites from there. Ice Cream, Chinese food and Potato chips, all of our favorites that you can't get anywhere but our hometown. So when I walked in the house, W got a big smile on her face. She was giving me a hard time about how she'd just finished losing the weight she'd put on the last time I brought these things home 3 weeks ago, but then said "what the he11" and grabbed one of the chinese take outs. She then checked the freezer to make sure I bought her favorite flavor of Ice Cream and I nailed it so she complimented me on that too.

I went out on the deck where she was sitting in the sun and she got up to go inside, so I followed her in and asked if she was going back outside and she said she wasn't going to and I said ok and she asked why and I said I was just going to sit outside for a while and she said Ok, she'd go back out with me and then we talked and talked and talked.

All in all another very good weekend so far. Good GAL activity, W initiating contact with me, W comes outside with me when she was done sitting out because she obviously wanted to talk to me. Just good. Really good.

And she was sitting out with me in her teenie tiny bikini and man oh man, it was killing me. She kept swinging her chair around so I was getting full displays of her sexy body, she'd lean over so the girls were hanging out of her top. It's almost time for a cold shower just thinking about it.

Ok, I know this is long, but I was just in a mood to write. Thanks for checking in on me.

I am so glad that you had a good weekend. You deserved it. Things sound like they are going well at home. Keep it up my friend.

kat

h4us..

wow.. that's so great!!!

I will email on fb

Great, just F'ING GREAT.

I got an email from OMW today. She is going to subpoena me to testify at her divorce trial if I won't give a deposition.

Just when things seem to be really making progress at home and now this. If OM isn't in contact with W he will be after this.

I'm sitting here about ready to puke.

H4U

WOW. Try to step back and take a deep breath. Need to try to calm youself before anything else. Vent here and we will listen, even us relatively new folks - but you know that!

Oh, I'm taking lots of breaths.

This timing couldn't be worse. Just couldn't be F'ing worse.

Boy won't this be a fun conversation at home tonight?

I'm missing something. This ONLY is an issue in YOUR family because YOUR wife decided to have an affair with this woman's husband. Correct?

If she tries to push this off on you, I suggest you push it right back. In fact, I'd suggest you then play OFFENSE, and get upset with HER for being dragged into these people's lives, and into court!

"Never rescue an infidel from the consequences of their infidelity."

Really . . . you have this backwards.

Puppy

Oh man, h4u. You are probably feeling bad because you are trying to get RID of the OM and thoughts and talks of the OM and now you have to deal with it. It's not good, and as Puppy said, it is her mess, but she is coming back to you so don't forget where you guys are at.

I will be interested to hear how your talk goes tonight. Are you worried she may want to go back to the OM because he is divorcing for sure? Or, did she know this already?

Anyway, let us know how it goes.

Thanks guys. Puppy, I think maybe I didn't express my thoughts clearly enough. I wasn't going to let her off the hook in any way. I am more concerned about OM getting mad at me because I give the deposition and even though I'm pretty sure the affair is over, him starting to contact W again and filling her head with all the crap that he already did to get what he wanted and she believing it again and off the affair goes.

So here's the scoop from last night.

I got home and told W we needed to talk. I asked her if she got an email at work today and she didn't. I told her about the email from OMW and what was going to happen. W asked why she wasn't the one to get the subpoena? I told her that I didn't know, but maybe that was coming. She told me she hasn't talked to OM in a long time (Not sure I believe that, but given her interaction etc with me lately, it seems it could be true) as she thinks OM has moved on to someone else. I just stood there and shook my head yes. I told her OMW is pretty sure he had another girlfriend as early as last Oct. W just looked at me. I told her about the phone call OMW got from a woman in that area back in Jan/Feb and how worried OM was about that call and OMW thinks by how he was acting he already had a new one lined up.

I then told W, "do you remember the weekend in late Oct when OM told you he was going home to talk to OMW about a divorce so you could then divorce me and you guys could be together"? W looked at me and then looked away quick and said, "I remember him going home in late Oct". And I said back, "W, he never went home that weekend. He was just telling you that". You should have seen the look on her face when I told her that. She looked away quickly and started to get tears in her eyes.

She then started talking to me about the deposition and how would it be done etc. She never once told me she was sorry I had to go through this, etc. She never once gave me any indication that she felt bad about the affair or what I'm going through. She did say, "just go to the deposition and tell them we were screwing around".

And that was about it. She started talking about an email she had sent me with some funny pictures on it, etc, but that was about all we said to each other the whole night.

I'm just not sure I even care if our marriage makes it or not. I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is so self absorbed that they have no feelings for ANYONE but themselves. She doesn't seem to care how this is affecting me, our kids, OM's wife and family, nobody but herself, and she seems to be just fine with what's happened. She gets to have hot monkey sex with OM for 9 months, he get's divorced, we're headed that way and all she does is say "that deposition/divorce stuff is between him and her" and that's the end of it.

I'm still going to give her some more time to see if she comes around, but in reality, I'm not very confident that our marriage has a chance. And in a strange way, I'm ok with that. I'm just ready to move on with my life. I think I'd like it to be with her, but I'm just not sure. A big part of me thinks I'd really rather it just be me and my boys. I guess the next couple months will determine if I'm going to give her a chance, not the other way around.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

She is being selfish now. She doesn't realize it. She is trying to forget the OM so talking about him and the affair is something she wants to avoid. If you are looking for a "I'm sorry" you will get it, but she is not there yet. You need to give it time. She is worried your marriage will be the way it was. She needs to trust you, too. She is really trying...really, really trying. It is hard for her. It doesn't seem fair that the "cheater" is struggling, but she is.

You eventually will need to talk about this and tell her your feelings about how she is acting. Now is probably not the time. She needs more time. You will get what you want, h4u. You just need to be patient. Yes, it is work. Would it be easier to leave? Perhaps so. Every marriage will take work. Love is a decision. You can decide to love or you can decide not to. If you decide to love her, you guys will get through this. I just know it. Reread the progress of your previous posts.

I can't say enough for Retrovaille. If you guys can go, you will be months ahead in this progress you are looking for ....I Can PROMISE YOU THAT! You know my situation. I have more hope for my marriage than I have ever had. We are touching and I like it. I am looking to the future now. I know you said she thinks it's hokey or something, but convey it to her as a weekend away in a hotel where she doesnt' have to cook or clean. It's only ONE weekend. How can you go wrong?