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Well i am going to a movie tonight with my W. it will be a pretty brief encounter and i think that is best right now. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now. my plan is a bit of friendly chit chat before the movie then afterwards a brief talk about the movie then i have to go quickly because it will be prety late.

I know that i will be strong and not let it out, but there is mistrust and anger in my heart right now and that part of me does not even want to go see her. I guess this is normal and i will deal with my own feelings and not take them out on her. could help to detach a bit.

I wish i could skip over the next two to three months of my life. I know that all of her eggs and in the Law School basket and she is so consumed with worry and stress about that, she can not really think of anything else. I know things won't change over night but i don't think they even have the potential to change until she is fully in the swing of things there.

I was looking for something in my office when i found a note from her, written about 6 years ago. "just a reminder I love you and always will, love her" it really lifted my sprits. there was a momentary sadnees but over all it lifted me up. we all said for ever, and thats a very long time. in the terms of the big picture these few years of termoil are short and the good memories will last forever.

That's great you are going to a movie together. You spend time with each other but no pressure to talk. When I was extra cross with my h once I suggested going to see a film with him to stop myself saying anything I might regret later. Maybe you may want to act AS IF.

That's great you found that note, it's nice when that stuff happens. I hope you have a great time and let us know how it goes.

Have you got any other plans this weekend?

Better get that out here or somewhere else before going there...it will come through in body language and awkwardness. They are normal feelings, just do your best to be upbeat and "fun" to be around...ie. be yourself.



Excellent!!! I am glad to hear that. How did it come about...did you initiate it? What are you going to see?

We are going to see batman, we both love these movies. weeks ago when seperating our DVDs she grabed our copy of the last movie and said she wanted it. I told her i would only give it up if we saw the new one together jokinly. the other day when she asked about the dog I told her I was driving through there this weekend to see other friends and was she still up for the movie? she said she was and was up beat. yesterday i emailed to confirm and i got "thats fine see you then" just a side note i really hate the word fine.

either way should be a good time. after the movie i am driving down to San Diego. my old scuba buddy lives there now, we are going to dive saturday, then i am out to dinner with other friends, sunday I am joining them at their church then on my drive back north I am stopping at her house to take my puppy (maybe her) on a play date.

should be a full weekend. I offered for her to dive to but she said proably not like she had better things to do, so her loss. hope you guys have a great weekend.

TD i just read about you wifes blog. that is so fantastic, I am really happy for you!!!!!!

JWS,

Sounds like a great weekend for you. She was upbeat! that is great. You are showing GAL that is excellent as well. Remember no R talks....enjoy the movie, talk about things that interest her (school, etc)

I hope it goes off great...I want to see that movie as well

JWS, I agree with TD, although I don't want to see the movie as I am a complete wuss! Let me know if it is too psycho!! I'm going to see Mamma Mia instead

I'm really excited that you're going diving. It sounds like a really exciting weekend and I'm pleased you get to see your puppy!!

Have fun at the movie! casual friends is the name of the game- good job! that is very positive...

I'm gonna try to see Batman this weekend, too. Have a great time at the movie, with your W, and in SD. Full weekends are good for that PMA.

Sorry this turned into a bit of venting and a bit of pity party

I think that we made some very good progress yesterday. It was strange but good. First off the movie was great it lived up to every bit of its hype. Timing worked out pretty good, I got there with enough time to get some dinner. I had a list of small talk friendly items, such as what our friends are up to and what not. Then SHE asked me about work and I told her a few great stories that she loved. She really loves my job and was truly excited to hear the stories.

She told me things that she has been up too, mostly staying at home due to the price of gas. She did join a gym and has been working out a lot. She looks fricken fantastic and that was killing me quietly all night. After the movie we went back to her house to play with the puppy for a few mins. She was excited to show me new tricks and seemed to really light up as he and I were playing. When I was leaving she acted as if it was strange that I was going to drive another two hours south since it was already after mid night, but she did not go as far as to offer a alternative. (not that I would have stayed)

Overall. No R, M or L talk, we both really enjoyed each other as friends. I will see her on Sunday to play with the dog and we kind of mapped out a few meetings in Aug around exchanging the puppy.

Heres the strange part when I got in the car I cried for almost a hour of my drive. It was so hard to see her looking so incredible, and nice to me. It completely broke down my detaching and made me want her so bad. I also felt crazy jealous. I don’t know of what or whom but of anything. Last time she got in this kind of shape it was to impress someone else.

She is giving me enough things to be suspious about but it is just rope to hang myself. I know that if she is fooling around then she is the fool and not me, and it really wont change my resolve to save my marriage, but it does hurt. Deep down I am pretty sure she is not doing anything more hen flirting so why am I letting this kill me. I know this but I can’t release it from my head and it is like poison.

Mostly I cried because she looked so good, and seemed so happy, is her life really better off without me?? Why could she not find it in herself to make these changes while with me? They are great changes and I am not overlooking the fantastic baby steps made by us both, I am just sad. Overall everything is falling into place with our original plan for her going to school, I just hope she can fall in love with me too.

Well enough I have a great day planned and need to get to it. There will be plenty of time to imagine how great she looked later, for now time to get my head in the game.

JWS- the movie and time you spent with your W went very well- i hope you can see that- you did GREAT at DB'ing...no R talk, left early, etc...thats why michelle said this will be like asking you not to breathe- it is a howe new set of behviors to learn...

the pain you feel is normal and a part of detaching..if you didnt feel it, you wouldn't be human. i am sorry you are hurting so much right now-

PLease try to think the best- maybe she is in shape bc working out helps her clear her mind...remember to not think the worst- think the opposite.

you are doing well - what will you do for yourself in the next few days? sounds like you have plan s so that is great.

((((JWS)))))