"i can't/won't let a pool, that can be replaced, be a deal breaker. i think he was starting to feel safe, called...and the sh&t hit the fan....so now i have to make "me" a safe place all over again...i will try to fix the pool first, if he's set on getting rid of the pool...so be it...do i want to be right, or do i want to be happy...so many times before i wanted to be right...those days are long gone....now it's time to be happy!"
Alright.. sounds like a plan.
"FG~ i hope you had a good day off!"
Its funny how days off.. make you more tired than when you are working.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Good morning FG.....hope your "work day" isn't as tiresome as your day off!!
i am planning to shoot off a text regarding the pool today.
this is my draft idea....
I want to help with the pool situation, i have a couple of ideas, and am open to yours as well....let me know what you are thinking.
I am ok to talk on the phone...if he calls...I will not go "there" lesson learned....and I have an out...gotta pee! or cooking dinner...i can set a timer and make it beep...if the conversation would get out of hand....this is just if he would call
off to work i go...this is my easy week...we have a teen week that I help with...let high school kids come to the hospital and see what nursing is all about. I am co-"pilot" of the camp....it takes me back to my "roots"...why i am a nurse...it's fun!! easy week ahead...which is good...may need it if any "drama" arises over this dang pool!!! LOL
(((FG))) you rock for putting up with me and my drama!!!
christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Said i would help him with the pool, whatever he needed from me, having a pool company come out and assess the problem, or renting the bulldozer...whatever you need let me know
text it an hour ago...so far no response...so guess it will be a waiting game...
I'm still worried he meant the things he said last week. Wanting to talk about the D, it's time to go forward, "we" are over....He knows where my weak spots are...dang it...and knows how to kick me while i'm down....dang it....he sucks!!! (sarcasm noted there!)I feel like a dog that has been beat so much, I cower around him....I hate that feeling.
so where to maneuver the mission from here?
It took him a few texts last time before he felt "safe" I wonder how many it will take now?
I'm still scared he was serious about having a discussion with me about dividing assets, finances etc. to prepare for D...the thought of that makes me ill.
hope you had a good day at work
christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"Said i would help him with the pool, whatever he needed from me, having a pool company come out and assess the problem, or renting the bulldozer...whatever you need let me know"
OK.. that sounds good.
"text it an hour ago...so far no response...so guess it will be a waiting game..."
How long did it take you to respond? Give this 24 hours.. then ask again. He brought it up.. there was some drama.. still he brought it up.
"I'm still worried he meant the things he said last week. Wanting to talk about the D, it's time to go forward, "we" are over....He knows where my weak spots are...dang it...and knows how to kick me while i'm down....dang it....he sucks!!! (sarcasm noted there!)I feel like a dog that has been beat so much, I cower around him....I hate that feeling."
You have to understand this is a possibility. Let him lead on this. We don't want to push him to the point he acts on it.. but he may be ready. Thats a question I can't answer.. only he can. The simple fact remains.. your not getting any more results waiting on him to come to you. I am being really cautious here.. it is your life.. I am not trying to lead you astray.
"I'm still scared he was serious about having a discussion with me about dividing assets, finances etc. to prepare for D...the thought of that makes me ill."
I understand.
"hope you had a good day at work"
I am still working.. yes while I am posting here.
Long day. It happens.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
He likes tit-for-tat...this has been established, it took me a week to get back with him; who knows he may wait a week to get back with me! I know physically he is 32, but sometimes I swear emotionally he's 15...still in high school.
I have no problems giving him 24 or so hours...should i push the pool issue or just send a casual text out in a couple days?
You're not leading me astray...helping me think outside of the box!
OMG...you are putting in one heck of a long day....maybe tomorrow should be your mental health day!!!
thanks FG christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
On the fence about texting, I know your theory, when I'm out of my comfort zone, it usually means something....FG....after the heated conversation last week....my guard is way up.....scared of getting a text back that says "leave me the hell alone" or something to that effect. I know doing nothing gets me nowhere; I just know how easily agitated the H can get....and as you had said in a previous post it's a fine line to walk....I guess I'm still the cowering dog....what's your take?
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Well.. he can't really say.. leave me alone. That would push us into the Divorce Zone. Splitting everything up.. and talking to the lawyers.
The salesman in me says follow the rule of 3. You need 3 "objections" before you respond. Once you hear "leave me alone" 3 times.. you listen.
Really to me.. we are tying to generate a response from him. Its a temperature check. He is gonna fight.. cause he is not buying what you are selling. I gotta expect his life will change with the D too.
You gave him the options... You overcame his objections. He has to decide what is best. Hopefully we meet in the middle. Realistically.. we are going to bulldoze the pool.
Look.. you are driving. I am the little voice in your ear. If something says stop.. let me know. Understand I am going to follow the rule of 3.
The Advanced DAM/DB poster would say....
I think you are doing great Christa.. keep up the good work.
_____________________________________
You have got to grab hold of this stuff in your mind. Once you get it.. it will be easy to hold onto. I can feed ideas.. for a long time.
Example..
I say show up with the pool guy/girl when you know he is going to be there. Whatever that person says is the best way.. do it.
Show up with a bulldozer in tow.. and knock all that stuff down.
Disregard all the pool talk.. and keep sending texts.
Call him up and say we need to sit down and talk about the pool. You tell me where and when.. I am there.
Call the lawyer and tell him/her get this going. It's time to move on.
Have a appraiser come out and appraise the house with the pool. Don't be there for that. Make sure the appraiser gets a good tip.
You lead.. I will help you do it.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
