if you are able to get him to agree that he'd pay for college in writing, then great, but legally you can't make him, I tried to do that but both his and my Ls said that once kids are over 18, college tuition is not mandatory for the dad to pay. Fighting him for it might not get you anywhere. It'd be good if these men would agree to be decent fathers, but, whatcha going do..
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
if you are able to get him to agree that he'd pay for college in writing, then great, but legally you can't make him, I tried to do that but both his and my Ls said that once kids are over 18, college tuition is not mandatory for the dad to pay. Fighting him for it might not get you anywhere. It'd be good if these men would agree to be decent fathers, but, whatcha going do..
I think it depends on what State you live in, I have known people who have gotten that done in Court based on the agreements signed in the Divorce Decree. Its a legally binding contract. If he refuses, take the balance of the tuition out of his ass. I'm a big fan of the Godfather btw..... LOL
You guys are great. I come home from work to find all your great responses. Bethie, long time no hear. And some new guys responded too! How awesome. Welcome back Bridget.
He did agree in writing, but has changed his mind because, as he put it, he needs the money that's been put aside for years for their education, to "maintain my lifestyle". Amazing isn't it? This reminds me of his mindset during the D process. Me Me Me. I I I.
My State doesn't require a parent to help pay for college and X will take me to court to prevent himself from doing so. After all, he has the money! This is one of those times where I do not believe it's in my best interest to fight. I certainly can pay for Jake's right now because he's in a bridge program and is living at home. But it's really strange because XH picked out Jack's college and he (Jack) does not want to go there. It's a very expensive private school. X told me last night that he paid $1,800 for a laptop the school is requiring.
With the state lottery money paying part, Jake's tuition and books for the first semester don't even equal $1,800. I guess it's just hitting the cheap SOB now what it would have taken if he did pay. He's so very jealous that I've made a pretty good leap career-wise, but I was hoping to start putting away some for retirement. That's OK, I will pay for Jake to go to school and save up for when he transfers over to Carolina. I will not fight X on this. But how can he pay for one son and not the other? How can a parent do that?
Anyway, I'll never understand him and I don't want to. I did tell him last night he wasn't a man. Am glad I did, and when he started to go off, I told him I didn't wish to talk to him any longer. I've gone over it a few times in my head today and I KNOW what this is all about. X would not stop bringing up his retirement. He's getting close and he does not want me to have my share (which, by the way, he kept referring to as his last night). He said it too many times for me to think there is any other motive.
It's blackmail. I will not allow him to do that to me.
Geez, getting my X to pay for ANYTHING is like squeezing blood out of a turnip - if you've ever heard that expression.
Thanks again all of you for your responses. It helps so much during these times because we can talk to one another and not say things we'll regret to our kids.
Bethie, I don't know if I can tell Jake the whole story. His heart's already been broken before and I don't think now is the time to do it to him again, regardless of the fair thing.
I am still happy. I have lots to be happy about even if that jerk temporarily caused a blood pressure rise. It was really strange today to see just how he doesn't rile me any longer. As a matter of fact, I expect bad things from bad people and he's one!
CAT, Braveheart, Trip - you guys are priceless. It occurred to me last night that when you have children, you can never quite shake off the X permanently. They're like funguses.
OK, kudos to Donna, Queenie (you're in my prayers) and Karen.
Queenie, you and Bridget know what I'm talking about re the retirement. We made a deal. HE made a deal. I left lots on the table to get that. Now he wants to back out of that deal. I get 30% of a Teamster retirement check whose funds are in the bank. Last time I checked, without accounting for COLA increases, his retirement check total would have been about $3,500 per month. That's about $1,000 per month for me. I think I'm gonna keep it.
yeah I would keep the 12000, a year.Paying for the collage in the long run is the cheaper way out.
My ex didn't want me to get any of his retirement.In the end I got 60 percent of his navy retirement.Thats about 800 a month.So far I paid for one childs school.
If the others go I will find a way.But not if I can't afford it.My kids know the deal.They don't like it.But they love me and don't want me living under a bridge.Our kids are like that.
Well that or they don't want me living with them when I'm old.LOL
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
Glad you're still Happy. Makes me Happy too - LOL!
Seriously, if he agreed in writing, why wouldn't that hold up?
OK, I do know about them paying for one and not the other. Brandon started college the week ex left. I paid all his tuition. Then when we got D'd - found out he had spent all of Ashley's education fund. Guess what? It was HIS lawyer who said in mediation that he was required by law to pay it all back. LOL - look who's laughing now. But when it comes to D and to our kids - nothing is really fair anyway, is it? IT all sucks for them. It is never what we planned.
And yep - Agreed - they're like a fungus. Wish mine would dry up and fall off (the planet). Yep - sounds like a good idea.
Keep smiling, Happy. Keep that blood pressure down. WE don't want anything happening to you.
Happy, have you asked the L if this is a winnable case? If it is in writing, in the decree, it sounds like it must be. If so, he would be required to pay your court/L fees, as well. Essentially, he is in contempt of court.
I'm glad that you've worked all else in your life to remain Happy.
You really hit one of the points from DR and DB. You can NEVR get rid of the XS if you've had kids together. I looked at when you began to post, and it was 5 years ago, and yet, this shi& still goes on. It would be one thing if your H had NO money, but it's so wrong not to invest in your own kid's education. Even if you only give what you can. Also, the residual effects on the kids NEVER stop either!
FLTC: You know, I remember reading this when my H first left. And I said to him "Our kids will never recover from this. How can you do this to them, neer mind me?" His glib response: "The kids will bounce back. Kids are resilient". Hmmm...
It never got better. Like so many walkaway spouses here - mine concentrated on his own happiness and his own selfish pursuits. His kids took a backseat to all of it.
Yes, I read in DB and DR that we are connected to them always when we have children together. That we will become grandparents on the same day. As much as we wish they would disappear - it is not likely going to happen. If I had to go back and do it over again - I would try to co-parent in a less destructive manner. I did not cause this problem, but I do realize that I could have done better to minimize the damage.
Your point is well taken. Newbies could take notes here.
