Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis 3 Yrs with H in MLC - Feeling Powerless Now

S,
I have to agree w/the DB Coach and the posters--turn him down. I understand your fear of losing him, but you know what? He's a lost soul and this bouncing back and forth for sex is a dangerous game he's playing w/you. I do hope that you are using protection and getting checked out periodically. S, your h is using one last trump card to keep you dangling on a string. He knows you don't want to lose him, so what does he do? He's tossing you tidbits every now and then just to keep you dangling. The world he's living in right now, he doesn't have any respect for you or for himself. You are going to have to be the one to get the respect back for yourself.

As for the description of you and the ow, it's the normal mirror image...opposite of what he once was theory. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about his attraction to her right now because the affair has to die a slow death w/o any iterruptions by you or anyone else. Eventually he may tire of her and the lifestyle, but that's going to be a while down the road. In the mean time, you have to take care of yourself and do what you can to make each day count.

BTW, the comment about his behavior after you do things, i.e., NASCAR race, etc., he's using passive-aggressive behavior and is punishing you for going out and having fun. Yes, it's a sick way of being, but they aren't happy and they sure do not want us to be happy either. If he's in crisis, he expects you to be right where he left you. In his mind, you will not change or move from where he left you when he walked out the door. They tend to forget that time continues to march on and people change while they are out participating in the Mother Ship activities. Please do not halt your "fun" activities. Live your life and if he has a tantrum or goes off and sulks for a few days, so be it. He's the one that left and wanted his freedom, so now let him have it w/lots of time to think about what he's done. While he's doing that, live your life to the fullest.

peacetoday

Thank you first of all for your advice, WILL YOU PLEASE READ MY OTHER POSTS FOR THE STORY.

I do belive that my visits with my H continue the process for me because I see hope with each encounter.

Is it also true that "it can't be a bed of roses" in OW land if he still wants to be with me? If OW is so wonderful why "cheat" on her. Men wander when things aren't to their satisfaction at home, Right? or Wrong?

In the past 3 years I have gotten so much stronger. I practice GAL all the time, I admit though I am still very fragile. I can becaome very sad and teary without warning. I have this on my mind 24/7. As long as we are in this limbo land I can't focus easily on other things.

YOU SAID YOU STOPPED INITIATING CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR H, AND THAT WAS THE ONLY CONNECTION YOU HAD.....

How long has it been now without contact? How come you and H are not D'ing? You said you moved away, Is H happy with the distance? Are you happy with the distance? Do either of you have new romantic relationships? What do you see happening with your M at this point? For you it has been 1.5 years in this state. I would love to hear what your plans are if any.

I am not in a frame of mind to give any advice...My sitch is very raw to me still and I feel I have made a mess of my M (it's in my posts), If I can't bring him back after all these years, something is definately very wrong between us...I can't seem to figure it out. I have tried everything, maybe the thing to do now is nothing and "let the cards fall where they may". Everyone says "if it is meant to be it will be".

Thank you so much...

Sanderika