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All this over a little tooth pick.

Do something, step back, observe the results, if nothing changes then do something different.

Do you guys have any fun at all?? any lighthearted moments?



she's got a huge wall up. It's going to take a long time for you to knock it down. It's a brick by brick thing. She took forever to build it..deconstution goes a lot slower than construction..hell, a falling brick can kill a DAM.



Continue what you're doing. Work with what you have.
Small talk?? then small talk her assss off. (just don't fix anything) let her figure that out.

sorry for the toothpick Hijack..I have to get him when I can..

230# and bench press 300..he's a lightweight..Cornhuskers are soft anyway.

D - Mike is right, you seem to understand this process and are making headway. Unfortunately, you are in the frustrating period where you W seems scared to accept you are what she always wanted, that if she lowers that wall a little to much things will revert to normal so I guess you just gotta keep going and keep that patience. If you hit a low and find yourself struggling, take a break, go for a run, just get away from the sitch as any explosion will push you back further.

GL buddy, friendship would do for me with my W right now !!!

I guess that is where I am stuck. What to do different. I kind of am out of ideas right now. I feel I have changed myself for the better and just need to keep improving on what I have done but can't do much more.




We sit outside together, go shopping, to dinner, take walks, I took her to a play a couple of weeks ago but it is all stuff that she likes. I prefer to do activities but she does not golf or play tennis. If we go to an amusment park it is with the kids and she rides with one and I go with the other.

I am hoping that once swimming for the kids is over we can do something on a weekend but will have to play that by ear. We are going to NY with the kids this weekend to see "Wicked" than off to my dad and the beach in New Jersey.




Yes, I know. I try and tell myself this everyday and pray for patience everynight.




This is what I am doing. The other day we were sitting out back and she brought us out some drinks. Its nice on our deck, nothing but farm land behind us.




Hijack all you want. I have read some of Racefans sitch but between work and home life I cant keep up with all of them. He seems to be where I am just that they are not living together. Not sure which is better or worse.

I agree. Friendship is what she need and my wants and needs are secondary. I tell myself she put her needs last for years and built a wall to protect herself now its time to put them first and put mine on the back burner until she lets her guard down and lets me in.

D - You are in such a good place, just got to believe it yourself. I think you think it and maybe want reassuring, maybe SC could be the person to offer you that ?

Hang in there buddy, if you happy in yourself, the changes you've made, your getting there. I'm real happy for you and hope your W starts to show she has noticed soon too.

Enjoy the breaks. They are a good time to show W how much you've changed as she will then witness it for 24 hrs a day for a few days.

All I have asked my W for is friendship, yet she seems unable to even do that right now, so I envy you big time !!!

That is it excatly what I want reassurances. I know she can not and will not give them to me but that does not stop me from wanting them. I bury these feeling deep but on this board is where I express them, that way when I am home I am happy go lucky.

Again this is her time and I will keep telling myself that. I do enjoy the down time and the trip to NY and the beach should be fun.

I'll tell you what, you just keep doing what your doing. Keep coming her and venting when you want..when you get pissed and upset, come here and my head will be laying upon a platter awaiting your 2x4's...I'd rather you beat my arse up than take it out upon your W and backslide.

let this go for a few days...go have fun with your W and kids.

and DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

Nice work sir. I'll keep giving you all the support you need on here so vent all you like.

It seems to me we both know what to do, but are in slightly different places regarding our frustrations with where we're at in this cycle.

Are you in the 'other place' by the way ?

Thanks for listning, I know that you are having it alot tougher than me and my W is aleast semi open to making the M work so I should not be venting. But its a patience thing and I do know it could be alot worse.




No, I hear you and MFT talk about it but do not know about it.