thanks for the encouragement everyone.....We went to the wireless store to split our family plan into 2 individual lines....she knows I watch the phone records for when and how many times she texts the OM. I had every right.......my name was on the account. she had no right going behind my back. until this happened I never looked at it. but that's over with....we're still getting along very well.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
stopped by the in laws today for more words of encouragement. i've always had anxiety and didn't like being around a lot of people i didn't really know, especially in laws but I am opening myself to God's will and feel freed from my emotional bottling up over the years. They say the new me is truly incredible and wished I had been around this whole time
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
going out with friends again .....check no drugs .......check spending more time with family and son ..... check praying (first time in over 15 years).....check detaching and letting W do whatever while still supporting our son and her interests.....check
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
ok so I just left our house......W wants me to keep our son overnight on my day off next weekend while she goes to Atlantic City for the day/night. Pretty sure she wouldn't be going if OM wasn't going......question is do I keep him or purposely make her keep him so she can't go ? she will ask her parents to watch him, and of course they won't approve either. Also she asked me how much I was planning on giving her ($$$) for the next 2 weeks for our son's health insurance + daycare. Also told me that child support will be X number of dollars every week or 2 weeks. she must be really set in her ways .......:( Can we turn this around or is child support talk the end of the line ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
1. Buy AND READ Divorce Remedy AND for you I would also suggest Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over. She has lost hope, YOU have to find it for her and be hopeful for BOTH of you. Think about it as her being sick and you having to do 100% of the housework and child care until she gets better.
3. Never mind all the legal stuff, this is just an emotional wall she's putting up to dig her heels in and demonstrate to the OM that she's not having second thoughts. This is her attempting to protect herself from doubt!
4. Stop focusing on her and do everything you can to out-mature the OM. Show her that the OM is a child in comparison to what you care capable of.
5. Checklists aren't going to get you through this, you need to understand it. Those books will get you there, this won't happen overnight. So get to work!
I would also start going to a marriage counsellor, get her parents involved and your church if you can. A huge myth married couples in trouble have is they think that BOTH spouses need to be present in order for MC to work or take place. MOST counsellors will see individuals with a wayward spouse and can help tremendously.
If you start going to MC, after a few sessions, invite her along in front of her parents and church members.
Ask her parents to throw this line at her :
"If you love your child at all you will at least see a marriage counsellor before you do something like this."
My guess is you two never went to counselling at all.
Its time to play the MC card.
Note, don't pressure her into MC directly. Just start going and let her parents and church pressure her. YOU just stand back and play the mature adult the whole time while the community pressures her to grow up.
As long as you stay cool, and have the support of your community, she will have a huge battle on her hands and inviting her to MC casually will just put the nail on her coffin of immaturity - assuming she refuses, which is likley.
Don't expect her to say yes, the ploy is for her to see YOU as mature and the OM as an interloper. You calmly and compassionately attending marriage counselling and church while she runs around with OM. This will eventually start to eat away at her conscience and plant a seed of doubt in her mind about OM.
tried to go to 2 different counselors......one i chose, one her parents have gone to who is really good.....they just taught us how to "divorce well" for the sake of everyone. so yes we tried counseling. but selfish W tells herself its over. still.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
going to talk to our pastor tomorrow morning. see what he thinks. W always tries her damndest to make me miserable and to see its completely over with no hope. very immature (she's 22 anyway)
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
but I am opening myself to God's will and feel freed from my emotional bottling up over the years. They say the new me is truly incredible and wished I had been around this whole time