M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
One person may be able to affect change in a couple relationship, but it takes each parent being a parent to work together AS parents.
Hi Gypsy,
I am not sure how to work together with W, so I am doing what I think is best for the kids until W is ready to work together. I think it is in our kids best interest for the parents to be a united front, but during this phase of our relationship, we can not depend on our spouses for support and need to do "without" them for a while. I think they will come around, we just need to be patient!
Have a good day!
*HUGS*
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hey Gypsy, what are you making for dinner....?? I'm looking for some hot weather dinner suggestions.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Perhaps I should throw myself a party.. oh oh oh.. wait a second..
I'm making arrangements for the two women I became friends with at a retreat to come to my house in August and watch some chick flicks they say would be great for me.
They told me the names of them in April but I have since forgotten. Anyway, I'm not allowed to see them until they're here!
I'm always a click away. Thanks for dropping by. You have gone from some name it was fun to cannibalize (chomp chomp) to a dear friend whose thoughts and understanding have been a balm to my existence.
My life is changing dramatically, but it's not falling apart. Perhaps the pieces are falling in place. I don't know but having friends who support me allow me to make the transition with grace, dignity and tremendous growth. You are one of those friends.
I rejoice in the joy and wonder you're experiencing now. Your happiness makes me happy. When you're sad I want to be there as a comfort. Being friends who care doesn't mean we have to be the same place in our marriages.. just that we are the same place in our hearts in how we feel about others.
Thank you for NOT stopping by.. was it really 3AM as you zipped through my part of CT? You did me a favor.. and yourself, too. Waking a sleeping gypsy isn't always the best course of action.
Tomorrow I have orientation at the hospital I'm volunteering at. I'm walking in blind. It will be two full days. They told me I get to wear a snazzy vest. Fashionista here I come!
Hope all is well in Maine. Congratulations on the new home!
Actually letting them take care of themselves is probably something we should have done a long time ago. I'd gotten to the point that I'd tell him where the men's room was so he wouldn't have to look. May I say, "Duh?"
Reading "Codependent No More" has been great in showing the ways I overdo things without even realizing. I'm spending quite a bit of time in wonder.. and trying to implement simple things like letting the kids figure out the problem without me jumping in with the solution.
I'm still a jumping bean fixer.. but I'm working on it!
Today my daughter was talking about the puppy that spouse and his girlfriend have... and how sad she was that he had to be in a kennel while they were gone. She hoped that she could puppysit him at our house some time.
Talk about an 'ugh' moment. I initially started saying all the reasons why it wouldn't work (we have an older dog who's an only dog). Then I suggested it was something she talk to her father about first. She thought it was a great idea since she hadn't talked to him in a while.
There I am, filling the Lexus he bought me two years ago as a birthday present as she's talking to him in Europe with his girlfriend beside him on a two week business/pleasure get away.
Why in the hell did he give me such an extravagant gift.. when he wanted me to feel free.. not just a mom driving a minivan box on wheels? Why didn't we travel to Europe together? (Answer: I was too hyper to leave the kids for that long)
Where am I.. pumping gas in a suburbia.. in a place we moved to as newlyweds.. with my children.. which is the greatest gift of all.
I was still in an internal snit for a while which I tried to shake off since I didn't think it was fair for my daughter. I opted to worry instead.. Did I put her in the middle with the dog thing.. or was it appropriate to hand that conundrum off to spouse?
Once the anxiety kicked in, the snit went away. Anxiety I know how to handle. Snits are new.. and I fear the beginnings of bitterness.
I have to remind myself of what I am grateful for... and not compare what I have to a man I no longer know.
I had to break down and buy a wrist support for my tingling pinky. The discomfort was driving me crazy.. and keeping me from typing among other thigns. I'll put that on the list of things to take care of tomorrow!
