Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy 2008 = Crazy Year (3)

Ok - now what? Carry on?

WW been very non-communicative last few days. Didn't respond to my "good morning". Brought home muffins and stuff for everyone. K's very appreciative. Went outside to cut grass and get deck ready for staining.

S13 wants to go get new golf clubs - he needs them. We browsed last night so he wants to go get today. Being the good H, I ask WW if she is ok with S spending $700 on clubs. W response - "whatever" and walks away.

So me and D10 and S13 go shopping...

Testing my patience!

Suggestions?

Im sorry LIS!

Is there anyway you can go dark? It sounds like she's living at home still? Maybe it would help, maybe not. I hope someone comes up with more sage advice than mine...

Well WW still wrapped up in her own little world. Wow, she is totally ticked at me today. Not sure what in particular. Oh well, me and S13 and D10 just went to hit golf balls at the range. Felt good.

Getting a little tired of the cr@p at home with WW though. Must remember this may be a LONG process.

Update...

Overheard WW and an EGF tonight. WW still absolutely pissed that I contacted OMW. Says I was just so vindictive (EGF says "of course it was"). Lost all respect for me.

How long does this anger last???

It depends on if she's still in contact with him. If she is, then she's still all full of fog and entitlement. But even then, only from a few days to a few weeks.

Puppy and all else - any screw ups on my part based on my last few posts??

Family is so important and its so sad to see the WS be so self-centered. Half of first marriages end in divorce. The scary part is that 60% of second marriages end in divorce. I remember a friend of mine telling me. We never fight, well they divorced two years later. Only way I see success is don't avoid conflict, Validate, and also really bad fights.

It seems we have to learn how to fight fair? All the articles and books say fighting does help the marriage it just depends on how that is done. The make up sex isn't that bad either.

Lost, Just detach from it. I'll repeat what myself and others have told you. You are the one that is making things difficult for your wife to get her drug of choice. And she's angry. So what? Just continue as you have been. You can try to engage her in conversations, but if she ignores you, just move on and don't worry about it. I got to the point where it was almost funny. I mean, she's done this, right? So if she's in a F'd up place right now, who's fault is it? Let her have her anger.

I'd also say that the anger could last for a while. I don't know if my wife was still in contact with OM after I exposed to the kids for a while, but her anger lasted all of a month, and maybe more, before she started being civil to me again. Just stick to your guns. If she says anything to you about telling OMW, just repeat this phrase "she deserved to know what was going on in her marriage". And then walk away. Continue to ask her about family things (like the golf clubs), if she says "whatever" say, "ok, just wanted to know your opinion" and then walk away.

It is a MARATHON. This isn't going to blow over quick. And a lot of times exposure doesn't end the affair right away, but it puts enough pressure on it that it starts to crumble. Think your wife and OM's conversations are going to be all rosy now? NOPE. And don't worry one bit about the "lost respect" comment. That is laughable. She's lost respect for you because you stood up to her? Give me a break. Just ignore it. In fact, you have to ignore EVERYTHING she says and does right now.

Just detach. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know. But the more you detach and GAL and don't base your moods on how she is feeling or reacting to you, the better chances your marriage has.

There's no guarantees, but you've got to do it. Heck, I think one of the things that helped my sitch was if I really didn't have anything to say to my wife, I'd go a couple of days without saying a word to her. But then she'd start to try to pull me back in. Even if she's pulling you back in with anger, it's still there. Just ignore it because you KNOW where that anger is coming from.

Keep your chin up. PATIENCE.....

H4U

Thanks for the kick in the a$$ (gentle as it was). Needed that. I can deal with her anger and the communication is in fact LAUGHABLE lately. I will keep reminding myself of the marathon. ANd really, if WW does push D, unless I consent, we need to be separated for a year - and I am not leaving - which makes this all the more BIZARRE. Will be interesting when OMW gets back from vacation.

Peaches, thanks for your comment. I agree 100% that family is the most important, yet WS don't see that. "Oh the K's will be fine if we D". WHATEVER!!!!! I told my WW that I gave up my right to just walk away from the M without trying absolutely EVERYTHING the minute D16 was born. The W of the family friends I referred to in my post you quoted actually warned WW that if she pushes D, she could easily lose D16 and S13 WHEN they find out about the A because they can choose where they want to live. Still not sure if that has sunk in.

bluerain, yes WW is still at home (we still sleep in the same bed). I think she expects me to simply leave so she can carry on with life as she has it now. No chance of that in my books.

Lost, they all think that even when studies have been done showing otherwise. Its the babble/alien in them talking.




Sorry Lost I would have EXPOSED it already to the kids. Kids KNOW even if you think they don't. They live with you and know you better than anyone else. Let her see the choices she has made and how it effects all her family. It will sink right in. Is there a specific reason you haven't?




what are they thinking of. So amazing and emotionally exhausting to deal with this and work and kids. They have no clue it just knocks the family on its butt! Good Luck lost

Peaches