Quote: It ended with me asking God to bring all these dreams down to earth so I could experience "contentment" here and now...
hey char,
I know you have young kids so this question may not seem all that wacky...do you ever watch sponge bob square pants??
I tend to "get" the hidden messages in a lot of this kid stuff or maybe I just make up my own meaning...
anyway...there is an episode "the magic conch" sponge bob and patrick and of course squigward are lost...sp and p listen to the conch that tells them to do nothing...squigward builds a camp a fire and finds something to eat...then mocks the others...saying you sit there doing nothing listening to this magic conch as if the answer to all your problems is going to fall out of the sky...well ok so a bunch of food and stuff did fall from the sky for them but that's tv...it doesn't work that way...god (or the coch) isn't going to just drop the answer in your lap..sometimes ya just gotta do the work...
you are scared and so is mat...but what is it the two of you are so afraid of...and are you each letting that fear keep you away from what it is you want?
Hi and a hug. Want Charcoal to know she's inspiring.
Love ya, honey -- thanks for being so open and for checking in on so many others, me included. Thanks for aiming at making your M work.
You know what comes to mind to me? That I think might help?
Cheerlead, grrrlll.
Reassure him that he's the one. Slow down, smile, flirt. Unbutton his shirt. Snap his pix, put it in a frame by the front door. Sign it "You Da One, Love Ya, Hon."
Turn off the flashlight that investigates rats in the basement -- hey, it's summer, the rats have gone to their seaside cottages. Heck, maybe they'll never move back and you can re-decorate the downstairs.
Hey, just rambling from one who was walked away from.
My 2 cents. Want to know what are the 3 most important things that my unfaithful W could give me that would most improve our R now?
1. Reassurance, that she wants to stay married to me and is willing to work on the R. 2. Reassurance, that she loves me. 3. Reassurance, that she will never contact the OG again.
Oh, and if that doesn't work, try some REASSURANCE.
OK, maybe I'm overdoing it. The point is that the feelings of insecurity and mistrust are so overwhelming sometimes, that all I want is to feel safe again, to have some peace, and confidence in the future. I'd bet the way I feel is not so different from how the spouse of a WAW feels. The best gift that my W could provide through both her words and her actions is continual reassurance. If you think you're overdoing it on reassurance, you're not.
Quoting Jamesjohn: char, is NOT talking about the R, about SOME of what you're "feeling", a "more of the same" behaviour that got you guys to this point in the first place?
Is this some of where the "disconnected" feeling may have come about? On BOTH of your parts?
awww crud... i thought i wasn't supposed to have R talks
i get yall (btw - thanks to all y'all for your insight...)
Lyrics Open up your mind and let me step inside Rest your weary head and let your heart decide It's so easy when you know the rules It's so easy all you have to do Is fall in love Play the game Everybody play the game of love Ooh yeah
When you're feeling down and your resistance is low Light another cigarette and let yourself go This is your life Don't play hard to get It's a free world All you have to do is fall in love Play the game - yeah Everybody play the game of love Ooh yeah
My game of love has just begun Love runs from my head down to my toes My love is pumping through my veins Play the game Driving me insane Come come come come come play the game Play the game play the game play the game
Play the game Everybody play the game of love This is your life - don't play hard to get It's a free free world All you have to do is fall in love Play the game Yeah play the game of love Your life - don't play hard to get It's a free free world All you have to do is fall in love Play the game yeah everybody play the game of love
and that's all I have to say about that!
oh poo char just let yourself go...let yourself be vulnerable and open to love...let yourself love mat the best way you know how...
what I found is that in sitting waiting for h to show me love I became unloveable...not that he didn't love me but it became difficult to show me love...when I instead just gave in an opened up (ok ok so I'm still working on accepting that it's ok to be vulnerable) I felt h loving me and sheesh I started to feel more loving toward him.
don't know if that helps any but I had to put it out there.
"Liar, Liar, Plants for Hire" - Patrick Star... you know we all love SpongeBob...
okay...
EVERYONE, thanks for stopping by... like I said last night, you are all right.
We talked and talked and talked and talked last night.
H apologized for letting his feelings get the best of him. H says he wants to hear how I'm feeling ~ more. H says he wants to hear how he's doing when we're doing well.
So, what's the deal with packing??? You say you want your R to work more than anything and yet you're packing??? Giving ultimatums. Withhold your own emotions until they're just as powerful a bomb as anything I could drop???
For all the talking, apologizing, and attempting to understand, I think we have made a small step or two in the right direction...
Quote: So, what's the deal with packing??? You say you want your R to work more than anything and yet you're packing??? Giving ultimatums. Withhold your own emotions until they're just as powerful a bomb as anything I could drop???
a hopeless reflex action!! oh the many times I packed up h's stuff in garbage bags practically pushing him out the door after discovering his a despite the fact we were supposedly working on things..did I want him to leave? NO!! but then why did I pack up his stuff and tell him to screw?? a reflex action I assume...same as when your hands go up in the air when you've just had enough...what purpose does throwing your hands in the air serve? none? why does it occur? who the hell knows..a reflex action is all I can say...a hopeless reflex..a cry for help..a please stop me from doing this..tell me you don't want to go or you don't want me to go.
Quote: For all the talking, apologizing, and attempting to understand, I think we have made a small step or two in the right direction...
Quoting lostlove: who the hell knows..a reflex action is all I can say...a hopeless reflex..a cry for help..a please stop me from doing this..
wow... that's powerful ll and it's a powerful amount of control to give someone i think i need to respect the gift, no wait... i do respect the gift and that's why i've been keeping my thoughts to myself, I don't want to hurt H. What I learned yesterday is that If I don't want to hurt H, I need to talk to him, honestly and openly about how I feel. When it's good and when it's bad.
I'd like for H to see me doing that as a gift, a token of me, an offering... bagh...
sometimes a gift wrapped box of poo! uncertainty and self doubt make me keep a lot to myself
Quote: uncertainty and self doubt make me keep a lot to myself
being open about your confusion is still being open...a gift of poo? no certainly not, a gift of you is more like it.
it is ok to feel uncertain at times...admitting that is ok..it can be taken wrong if not presented right and there in lies the trouble.
if the uncertainty is to how to, what to and the like it is easily swallowed if the uncertainty is communicated as to who to..then you can hurt and offend.
