Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives WAW#10 Feather Ruffle

It's hard to let it go phil. It sure does suck but even talking about it with her pushes her away. Let her dress up and act like a slut. My W does that too...and more. I have to deal with OM#1 and OM#2. You can't control what she does, you cant reason with her, I just learned in my thread that you can't teach a WAW and that causing her guilt is not going to help either. I realized that in that case I have "nothing" to say to her.

Hardest thing that I do every day is force myself not to contact her. Don't bite when she fishes for a fight...harder than hell I know but do the best you can.

You are making progress...keep it up.

Yes I know SG. I believe we are never going to rid ourselves of it. I have come to the conclusion. She isn't going to change. Really I hope she finds someone else and she can yell at them about stupidity, at least the focus will be off me.

Well is that a sign of me letting go. Letting go. I don't feel down and out. You want to go out and act like an idiot good luck. It will be ten men chasing after her and she'll shoot them all down. I see it every night I go to the clubs.

You know what I would not put it past her to come home tonight and make love to me. Because that's how insane this entire relationship has been.


Trust me I don't want the drama. She is a drama queen now. It is like she is a 16 year old prom drama queen.

Thanks Hopeful... I realise I said way too much again tonight. Except I told her I didn't care what she did. I said I do not care if you blow up. Just drop the kids off they should be here anyway in their home.

Conservative Catholic church going woman, as a devoted mother and wife. Turn Porn Star... Sheeesh... I thought it was the other way around..

I think I am making progress. I'm not letting this stuff get to me. The old me would have been pacing around the house thinking dreadful dreadful things. Now I just don't care.

What I care about now... it's 12:30 and the kids will not go to bed, and now son is complaining he is hungry.

She created this mess... Always let them stay up late. Fed them late at night. I'm surprised I don't have overweight children.

SG, the drama is tiring. Same old same old. I would like to know how to change that arguement in a different way. I don't think they are going to go away. Maybe I need to look more at her side, her viewpoint. Stop repeating the same insanity expecting different results...

Those poor kids --- being dragged around in the middle of the night! So unfair on them. Perhaps you should just get custody of them, and try and bring some stability into their lives.

Just a thought.

The never ending laundry theme.

You guessed it she was out all night. Lied to the kids. She text at 11. Are kids up. Up going to church. I text D is up, I'm going to this church. She shows up at our at 11:30 with laundry. We don't say a word to one another. I was just finishing up cleaning from breakfast. Kids were dressed. Brushed their teeth. She doesn't like what they are wearing and makes them change. She brought them clothes.

We take seperate vehicles to church. Kids go with her. I try to give her the enevelope but she doesn't want it. I said please take it because if I usher I forget to put it in the basket. She doesn't.

I beat her to church. I go to the side and pew I always go to. She comes in the with the kids. She asks to for me to let her in. I didn't see her come in because I had my eyes closed. She sits five feet down the pew. Why I don't know. But then her Aunt and cousin sat behinds us and were about five minutes late. She doesn't want people to think we are together????? She is trying to make herself look good in the victim mode. From what I hear she is playing the victim going around telling everyone I was abusive.

During mass she laughs at me about something my son did. During mass I can tell she is getting anoyed because the kids hang all over her. I think she gets touched out.

After the homily she looks over at me and says you need a hair cut. I said I was planning on going after church.

Church ends and she talks to her Aunt. I just walk out the door. I don't try and talk with her or intiate conversation. I get out to the door and I talk with the ushers. The usher tells me his son is going to school so the spot is mine. By that time my wife is standing there and she is listening to our conversation. We shake the priest hand.

Then we walk slowly to our cars. She looks at me and says your son wants to go to petsmart so can you do my laundry. I just give her a dumb look and say do your own laundry. I'm going to get a haircut.

I go to the house to change and she had beat me to the house. She says I thought you were going to get a haircut. I am but I want to change first it's ninty degrees out. Then we go in the house. My daughter mouths off to me. Yeah daddy you can keep the house clean but you can't do one little thing like laundry for mommmy. I said daughter do not talk to me like that. I'm your father. Then I hear my wife downstairs stating to leave her alone. I'm thinking yeah because she is repeating what you say and has the same damn smart mouth. I keep my mouth shut.

Then she comes upstairs goes in the bathroom and pulls down her skirt in front of me. Showing me her but. I give her a dirty look like thanks. She starts walking around the house saying it is a mess.

She is ready to leave so I kiss the kids. Then I go and give her a hug, and I accidently pull her hair. I said I'm sorry then I try to give her kiss on the cheek. She says why would you want to kiss me when you flip out on me about the laundry.

I said excuse I did not flip out. I said you are putting things in your head that are not there. Now I'm flipping out a little because you are trying to make me nuts. I'm not a doormat. Do your own laundry, please go somewhere else and do it.

I stop by and talk to her Aunt and Uncle. I hear alot of garbage from what my father in law is saying. My uncle said he wanted to kick him out of the house. He knows what my wife is like.

Well I texted her. Sorry you feel like I flipped out about the laundry. I didn't.

Then I go and get a haircut. I come home and do some things. Fold her laundry, because I'm a DAM. I also put the other load in the in dryer, and I hung up the skimpy little dress on hanger because it is not a dryer item. But I'm the DAM. Turns out the laterns I bought for the living room pirate theme had a missing part. I decide to run to the store where I got them.

As I'm driving down my road. I pass my wife. I stop, but she doesn't.

Then I get home and she took the laundry basket.

This is just insane....

My cousin through marriage is also texting me and said his wife my wifes direct cousing gave him the ultimatem. Go live with Phil or not I'm still calling the attorney tomorrow because I can not live this way no more. So apparently he is packing his bags and coming over here.

I'm a doormat for everyone... Who else wants to come over and do laundry. Please bring your own detergent.

That woman needs a kick right square in the ass.

I am sorry Phil but some days her sense of entitlement really pisses me off.

Here's the deal - you speak and act respectably. You set your limits and enforce them calmly when necessary. CALMLY AND RESPECTFULLY.

YOU can not change this woman.
But you CAN - and HAVE BEEN - changing yourself (albeit at a snail's pace much of the time - whatever - YOU are TRYING - and THAT is good).

This is the part where you will begin to learn the importance of literally placing your family at the foot of the cross.

Then walk away and leave it there, Phil.

Don't worry that it will probably take you many tries before you get it right and really stop trying to "fix" things yourself.

Just keep giving yourself and your family back to God and ask for His help with releasing them into His capable hands. Especially your wife.

Your wife is hardheaded, selfish and just generally nasty right now. Do NOT engage. We all know you have it in you to be just the same. BUT DON'T. Use this time to grow. Not for her sake. But for your sake and the sake of your children, let God complete the good work He has begun in you.

And Phil, her dragging those kids around at all hours of the night has got to stop.

By whatever means necessary.

I hope you have a good and spiritually productive week.



Amy

Amy,

Thank you so much. I'm at the foot of the cross daily. I'm carrying the cross and you came along it carried it for me.

These kids mean everything in the world to me.

Now the rest of the night there has been no contact. I wonder when she is going to throw it in my face that I don't care about the kids I don't even call. Now I told her I told them kids to call me or whatever and I'll be Mary Poppins.

I'm trying to be the sheppard... A sheppard for my children.

You know I thought her being her today and showing up for mass was a lighthouse moment. Looks like it was just a button pusher and right after mass.

Now I guess I could analyze this and say when she asked me to do her laundry switch out I could have said yes. Would that have brought me closer to my goal with her. Who knows.... My goal was for her to at least go to church as a family. Maybe I should have asked for her to sit next to me. LOL...

She is just looking for something anything to push my buttons. I think she is running out.

Is it driving her nuts that I'm leaving her alone. Is it driving her nuts that I'm not letting her get to me. Well I hope so then that means its working.

I'm so glad my mind stopped racing. The pit in my stomach went away. The anxiety went away. I didn't care that she was out acting like an idiot.

I also hope you have a spiritual productive week yourself.

What a rough night. I think I must have woke up a dozen times thinking about my wife. Then I would just say Jesus please help me and fall back to sleep.

Feel this warranted a bump...

There are so many other options.

Like you changing what you do with her. Not just one interaction but all of them. Drama only works when you have someone to work it with. She looks and feels pretty silly when she's going 'off' all alone. Let her. Don't join in.

This will not change unless you make a change yourself....and make it stick.