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tmarie,

You are so right - it is the drinking water! :-) I swear in many of these sitch's that I read, I think they are talking about my W the similarities are so uncanny.

I think you have a very good perspective going regarding the OW. You are right, he is there with you and you are showing him a whole new different side of you and he is responding to that. Keep it up. You will clearly have some days ahead of you that are not great, but don't let those get you down and realize that the progress you are making is real.

My day was good in that out of the blue and completely unexpected, my W called me in the middle of the day to say hello. I was quite surprised, but didn't show it. Just talked positively about common life stuff, i.e. the girls, work, etc. We talked for about 20 minutes and then I ended it by saying I had to get back to work. We both ended with "love you's" so all in all a good convo.

Like you, I will be a better person after all of this is done, regardless of how it turns out. For that alone I am thankful. Here's to more "great" days!

S4H

I am irritated today... I noticed lastnight that H has taken off his wedding band... I didn't think that would hurt the way it has... I have not said anything and I do not think it is wise to do so.. but I am still annoyed and trying very hard not to show it.. though there is a coolness in the air when I speak to him... cordial but distant.... I am thinking I need to go a little dark for awhile...things have been good but this is really bothering me... he has pulled away a little bit..

any thoughts?? ANYONE???

t

The rings are trivial...a lot of people don't wear their rings. This is going to eat you alive if you don't get it out of your head....your mind will start running around scenarios of WHY he has it off...take yours off! Set it up somewhere where he might see it. But, going dark a little...good plan. My EX was cordial with me before we got D'd.....bothered the hell out of me....but I let it go.....ya have to! It will drive you bonkers!

t,

I completely understand why you are irritated about this, but you really can't show it. As hard as it is, don't stress over it and continue to act "as if". Further detaching is probably a good idea - if nothing else for your sanity in this.

I would not retaliate by taking off your rings - it comes off a bit as "tit for tat". I think you are reacting very smartly, cordial but distant. Hang in there - I know it is tough.

S4H

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this board to blab too....

I have been a little short with him.... He even asked if there was something wrong (caring?) I told him I was writing checks and its hard to let the money go...irritated... I have been working with him for 2 weeks (good stuff but) I have my own business too and since the bomb, my stuff has fallen by the waist side... I have a great assistant but she is young and inexperienced.. She does what she can but its mine ya know... my responsibility, and I have neglected it with all the emotional upheaval that has happen... Focusing is difficult unless it has to do with the H or M... Its getting better but still, just one more thing to worry about...

I think I am going out tonight.. anyone wanna join me???

t

Tina...

You have had some AWESOME days with your H, this is so elating to me you have done so well with the hurdles. I was beaming ear to ear about the day at the office it does feel good to be close again. I am proud of you keep up the good work.

I can oh so understand your feelings on this, W took hers off 10 months ago I was crushed, besides the words spoken at the altar the rings are the symbol to show the world. I have that as one of my goals is to see her with them back on. I still wear mine and will till the end if that be the case, I have chosen to once again not let her control what I do. I don't think about it much unless I see her & then it's been so long it really doesn't put me in a tail spin it's not like I can make her wear them.

I am not a bit surprised that H has pulled back some that is pretty much par for the course especially with how good things have been going. Step back and observe as you told me the other day be patient your are doing good be proud of yourself.

Brian

Brian...

I have been thinking about you!! So glad you wrote..

Things have been good.. Michele is awesome..

Its just those everday little things that seem to bother me.. H went to lunch and I felt the urger to snoop.... I resisted... its just not worth the heartache.. and the whole ring thing I know is somewhat silly, but its just one more thing...

And I have not heard from my son in 2 weeks... thats killing me...

t,

You called it exactly right - the ring thing is silly and really right now not worth stressing over, although I know it is hard to see someone you care so much about not wearing a symbol of your love for him. I wouldn't like it if my W did the same - for all I know she isn't wearing her rings over there, but I have not way of knowing - nor do I want to (hmmm...a little bit of ostrich head in the sand perhaps).

As for going out...count me in...if nothing else I'll be there in spirit. A good fun night out would do me wonders! Enjoy yourself.

S4H

Tina...

Being able to actually meet and have a session with Michele was probably the best step you could have taken and to get H to go along speaks volumes IMO.

Ah yes the day to day little snags and episodes, the thoughts that just POP into our heads, that is why I have become happy to go to bed LOL. Seriously I agree we can't let it get to us or we lose track of our path it's like being an addict having to remind yourself to stay away from the triggers.

The ring thing again is a personal thing. I finally found away to cope with it, if it gives my W that ultimate feeling of independence and gets us that much closure to being together then so be it. In their mind it is just another reminder of what they are unable to give so if it frees her from that and allows her to make decisions in the right direction who am I to throw a fit. But yes it does still hurt.

I can only imagine what that must feel like, to be in the midst of all of this and not hearing from your son only adds to the mounting pressure. I for one will say thanks to you and your family for the decision of your son to serve this country and help keep us safe and protected and to all of the other family members on this board thank-you for your sacrifices in giving of your loved ones to protect us.

Keep your path Tina, keep working on yourself and D14, I see good things coming your way.

Brian

Well I made it through another day... A huge upside was that I got 2 letters from my son... That was SUCH A BLESSING. He sound so good. Its comforting to know that he is doing well...

I try not to read too much into things, but I think I caught H trying to spend time with me... He came into our room while I was listening to Michele's KLA program (I had ear phones on, but he knew what I was listening to...just sat on the bed playing with the puppy.. chatted... re-read sons letter.. I distance myself today, I am thinking that had something to do with it...

H even cooked dinner for himself and D14.. I wasn't hungry and he insisted (he knew I wasn't feeling well)..The funny thing is....I went to the grocery store (he forgot I was going) and so did he ... we both picked up dinner... I picked up Burgers and Turkey Bugers... So did he... we have enough for a party now....

I haven't told him yet but I made plans to go out with my sister tomorrow (she is single). Being that she lives in the city, 45 miles away, I will spend the night there..

distancing, GAL..creating that aura of mystery...things are changing, I can see this happening, but I think it is important that I don't get comfortable, things are not ok..

You know through all of this.. the Dbing, Its like we start out on this quest, making these changes to "get back" the one we have lost, at times, it seems insincere.. but I noticed that as I do these things to show him that I have bettered myself, I have enjoyed not only the outcome of those changes, but the feeling I get by fulfilling the needs and desired of my H....

t