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Somebody anybody needs to take a lesson from HopefulltotheENd her. I can't handle all of you how am I going to hangle her..


Cudossssss... lift me HFTTE!

I just want to be wanted just like you!

No its the fact that she has completely shut me out of her life, and she comes to our home and pretty much acts like she still lives here.

She comes to the house when I'm at work. She doesn't bother to talk to me about anything. I get little tidbits of conversation with her.

Then I think things are improving and then she starts acting noncommunicative again. It's like she hates me. Says she doesn't. Then she doesn't even want to talk to me on the phone.

You know I think she is afraid to talk to me, because she wants to run still. I'm thinking that she doesn't want to change her mind yet.

I was reading Bworl post to someone and he said he couldn't believe the woman he loved did a complete 180. Loving devoted mother who would never mention the words divorce. To a completly different personality.

Phil, we all want to be wanted. That is just no in the cards right now.You have to get your mind around the fact this will take a long time.I have seen what you have written to a few of the others on the bb. Good advice,you are listening.


Get beyond the blame. these are the cards we have been dealt.leave your wife alone. You say you are not pursuing, but everything you write shows the opposite.If you keep pushing her, she will eventually get tired of it and move on .

craig,

No the real idiotic thing I did was last night. At 4 AM I woke up and I texted her. I woke up. I just want you home now.
Then I went in our living room and balled my eyes out, until I feel asleep again.

Now if that isn't needy, clingy, and prusuing I don't know what is.

Maybe, but who hasn't done it.

Begin again. That's what we all do.

phil... i've been watching your sitch for awhile, and i have a suggestion..unsolicited...

what if you change the locks on the house? You don't want her doing laundry there...she left...change the locks. She'll get the hint when she can't get in.

just a thought

Thanks SG.

I'm sitting here only a little anxious because I have no idea what she is going to pull next. I was waiting for her to pick up the kids after work. She is running a little behind and that makes my mind worse. She does show up in a timely manner, and she is ringing the door bell off the hook and banging on the door.

I let the kids get it. Then she comes into the great room and I just sit there and look at her. She says she wants to go out later so she wonders what my son is going to do later if he is going to sleep over with me or not. She says she knows our daughter will not. I said ok, well what are you going to do with her. She says she doesn't know. I said ok.

I walk them to the door and I kiss my kiss. My son says that he wants to stay with her tonight. Then she gets all mad and says God forbid I have a life.

I just let her walk out and I kiss the kids again. I open the door and I don't follow I just stand there and say goodbye kids.

Then i walk away and leave the main door open.

That's my night so far. Oh and I left those little panties with her other stuff that she forgot.

I'm thinking, God forbid I have a life. Ummmmm duh you had one, but you don't want that now.

It's just funny because she never would go out with me. Hated drinking, but she'll sit with her friend that drinks like a fish.

Well at least it wasn't a fight or nothing. I did not persue her out to the vehicle.

I wonder when the BS will start....?

Change the locks, that doesn't sound like being a lighthouse. We have been over this before.

It is still her home, she just doesn't live her anymore.

Phil, forget the lock changing thing, in fact in many states it is against the law and in your case serves no purpose.

I think the issue is more you finding a way to get comfortable with it instead and figuring out a way to turn it from a negative to a positive for you.


IMO, looking at it as her still feeling safe in your home may be the way to go. Reality is Phil, I would be more upset if she stopped doing it at your house.

4am text, been there done that. Heck I had a whole convo on text with the wife one night while very intoxicated....oops....it happens my friend, let it go and try not to do it anymore, thats all you can do.

One last thing Phil, they all want a life, it's part of the whole finding out what not being married would be like. Meaning, don't let it stress you, it's perfectly normal for her to say that. I know it's crazy and stupid, but it's what they all do.

Ian

Well you knew this was going to happen right and so did I.

She starts the texting crap. Daughter doesn't want to stay with your tonight. 10 mintues later. Son wants to be with you.

Then she starts the phone marathon. Cell, home, cell. Cell.... Then she leaves a voice mail. She is screaming. You better watch your kids tongight.

I call her back. I said I was sleeping. I do not appreciate your tone of voice and do not talk to me that way. More screaming. I said if you don't calm down I'm not going to speak with you.

I said did you ask me to take the kids so you could go out. She said I would blow. I said no I wouldn't I don't care if you blow up right now. I just woke up. They are my kids and I want them here in their home. Stop saying I'm a bad mom. I'm not calling you a bad mom. People deserve to go out. When you work your a$$ off all week you need a night out. However you never wanted me to go out.

You never wanted me to go out. I said that is bullsh|t. I would tell you all the time to get out of the house and go do something. Go out with your girlfriends. But you never would. You would just talk on the phone all night. I would say rather than talk on the phone with whomever go to their house. Well I never trusted you with the kids when they were young. Yes, that's right because I was incompetant in your eyes.

I was a good wife. Yes you were a great wife even now. No I'm not a good wife now. You are still a great wife.

Well why didn't you even call to see how the kids where when I had them all day. I said I know they are with you and in good hands. I told those kids to call me anytime and I would do anything for them. Call me just to say Hi. I'm not going to communicate with you to find out how the kids are. When they are with you I know they are in good hands.

I leave you alone. I don't call you. I don't text. You only call me or text me when you need something. It usually is just about the kids and what you need at the moment to relief your schedule. You shut me out of your life.

I said how did you know I would be home today so that you could drop the kids off and go to work. Did you ask? She said I gave you my schedule. So that doesn't assume that I'll be available to your beckon calls. Did you discuss with me if I would be here?

Then she starts the crap that I was always drunk and I hit her. I said yes that is right I was drunk everyday and I beat you up. You were a saint. You are not responsible for anything in this marriage. She says I was a good wife. Right you were a good wife. You never hit me? Wrong, you hit me all the time. You screamed at me about everything. I couldn't even walk right. If anybody should have gotten fed up it should have been me. Most of the time I let it go, but then you just kept pushing me and pushing me. Then I pushed back.

Now you hated me drinking even one. But you are going to go out with your girlfriend and sit with her and she could drink me under the table. Well I didn't have to live with her. Well you never wanted to go out with me, and I was not permitted to go to the establishments that you go too.

I said look. The only thing I care about is getting you back home. I don't know how to do that right now. I'm your husband. I messed up some things, but I'm willing to work it out. I think I know how to do that. You never gave me that chance.

I said I don't know who you are right now. You were a devoted mother and wife. Now you can't wait to get away from these kids.

You are not accepting any responsibility for failure. She says oh we are back on that. No we never left it, because it is the same argument. You were a saint. No you have double standards, and you always did.

Ok, I gotta go... I'll drop them off to you soon. 11 PM dropping the kids off. Yeah, this is normal.

When she gets here she beeps the horn. I go outside. I said I'm not a dog. Don't beep the horn for me to get the kids. I said stop treating me like crap. She says she is not.

She is dressed like a sex kitten wearing a black dress. I tried to give her some money about 8 ones. I said buy your first round on me. I don't want you money she says. Ok. Well then have a nice time. I kiss her on the check.

This is just a vicious, vicious... cycle. The good thing is I think I got some truth pills in there. I didn't react to her in a mean spirited way. I did raise my voice, but then I checked that out. I kept monitoring that.

Now my wife is out somewhere acting like a tease... A stage she missed in her life because we were married young.

Here is something I need to evalute. I still think that some how she is going to act different and snap out of it.

The old me would be calling her right now fighting with her calling her a slut and B. So at least I'm not doing that.

"So at least I'm not doing that. "

Well, that's progress then.


The faster you progress, the faster you are likely to get the results you want.


Your drama is tiring though.