hi gang! I dont know if I am worthy of being in this group yet but I dont really feel like a newcomer anymore! 2 years of DBing puts me somewhere else right?? Basic rehash: M 17 years, D13, D11, D6 and H in MLC, lack of communication, H had PA and we MC for a year. H is staying at his sister's place only to sleep since October!!! Sick of this! anyway....mostly I continue to work on myself and get happier. I have changed alot but as H mentioned to MC last week (acc. to H), he doesnt know if the changes will last. H was disappointed in his session with MC because he asked him what he should do and MC had no suggestions!??!! H is afriad to move back in and feel trapped or anxious. He uses his sleeping at his sister's as "down" time. I said he needed a new way to get down time. Recap of significant events. We went for a drink together on Friday night and ended up discussing OP and that sitch from last year. I asked if it was over and he nodded. I asked if she called and he said sometimes but not in a while. I asked why she keeps calling and he said they used to be friends and it was why she probably called (BS). He said he usually ended the conversation quickly. He said it was not the person but the way that person made you feel. He said he would always love me. I said that sounds pretty final- he said he didnt mean it that way. He said I have been amazingly mature through everything. H went to the lake alone to do a quick payment and said he thought about me down there in a loving way. Then I ask him to stay rather than drive to sis' and he says I am glad you want me to but not ready. Maybe I will come back. So he has decided that if he sleeps at our house it may spark anxiety about OR. He says he is working on things and getting better. He would love it if I found another therapist so i will work on that. This would be for him. While giving me a back rub last night he says "do you hate me sometimes". NOooooo i said I dont ever feel that way. I am trying to be a little more confident around him and continue to have more fun. Goals: go to the lake this weekend with or without him, talk a little more. Hope I am in the right place and can keep up with my newest friends from newcomers- man, i was on page 11!!!! Shay
Maybe talk to H about easing back over to the house. See if he will sleep there just once a week for a while then twice and so on so forth so that he can get back, to sleeping there. If he is anxious about sleeping with you have him sleep in a different bed or somthing like that. That way there is not as much pressure.
I miss you over on newcomers! But, you have worked hard and you belong in piecing. I need your help and advise. I am letting the jealousy monster get me. How can I stop? I did it again yesterday in "overhearing" a phone conversation and then mentionting to him.
I want this to work so badly......I am just killing myself and my self esteem over this. What can I do...I hate feeling this way. Do I need to give the impression that I am dating? He knows I love him to death.....maybe that is the problem.
Shay..glad to have you here...been lots of new people here...that is a good sign.
My h is not at home..but we don things and we talk..not r talk. I am jeolous of the back rub..I would just like to be held or hugged..anything. As far as him staying over..if he does not feel ready..I sure would not push it.My h needed his space..to think about things..to figure out what he needs..I am patiently respecting that.
Hi Shay! Good to see you here. I must say, your sitch is so strange with H still sleeping at sister's. Maybe he would benefit from your being a little busier with your own life, starting to not be home some evenings, a little mysterious about your whereabouts? Have you read that thread on 180's by CarolK yet? If not, you'll find the link in a posting I made on Mal's thread a few days ago - required reading for you, I think. This woman brought her H home after 16 mos. separation by giving him the (false) impression she was dating!
Wow! I like it here already! I am confused myself about the sister sleepover concept. I think in some way this is an anxiety control mechanism- he has maybe taken his anxiety and channeled into this part of our R. We are still intimate and everything else is semi and I do mean semi- normal. Last night H is getting ready to leave and says I like you. He says ILU lots but this was kind of fun to hear and I said I like you too, he disagreed kind of joking. So....hmmmm. He called when he got there and told me how great I looked at the swim meet last night. H is really sick and even stayed home from work with some sort of virus/flu thing! He is usually a workaholic so I told him I was proud of him for that, . This morning, because he is not there I am having trouble getting the kids to swimteam practice on my workin days. This stresses me out but I have done a good job of dealing with my stress about it. He called after I dropped them off and we were talking and I told him my stomach was nervous. He asked what I was anxious about and said I was not communicating when I say "I dont know". I told him finally lots of things, trying not to unload, I brought up the kids today, and whether we were going to the lake this weekend and that he hasnt had a sleepover with me. He said he could easily fix the last one tonight if he wasnt too sick!!! He may have to leave first and then return How do I get him to get over this? He seems to be trying a little harder even which I really do love. He wants a new therapist so I offered to help and he siad that would be great. He did ask our doctor friend for some meds but never got them- maybe I should call him to remind the doctor friend. Anyway, that's it for now. I would love to check in on everyone else today. Thanks Ellie for the referral and I will look for that. and Shiny, you are amazing! Maybe you will remember your wise words- I hate it when I get locked out of my thread! Lee and Hoping - thanks too - I will look you all up again! Shay
Shay, congrats on being here! I know how frustrating it is being in limbo but never forget slowlee, slowlee. Your H sounds drawn to you but also so very scared of things going badly again. It also sounds like he is not liking himself a lot. Only he can deal with that part of it. But things are moving forward!
Remember, MLCs last years. Hang in there, sweetie.
Good to see you make the move here! I hope this means a bit of mental shift for you as well. As Ellie was mentioning, how about a little more for Shay and Shay alone? What is one thing you could do today that would be just for you? Not for kids, not for H, just for YOU! Search your feelings, find something that is just you. It is OK to take a break from everything else and just enjoy yourself.
H is afriad to move back in and feel trapped or anxious. He uses his sleeping at his sister's as "down" time. I said he needed a new way to get down time. Recap of significant events. We went for a drink together on Friday night and ended up discussing OP and that sitch from last year. I asked if it was over and he nodded. I asked if she called and he said sometimes but not in a while. I asked why she keeps calling and he said they used to be friends and it was why she probably called (BS). He said he usually ended the conversation quickly. He said it was not the person but the way that person made you feel. He said he would always love me. I said that sounds pretty final- he said he didnt mean it that way. He said I have been amazingly mature through everything. 
. Of course now all of that wisdom has fled my mind!
He says ILU lots but this was kind of fun to hear and I said I like you too, he disagreed 
kind of joking. So....hmmmm. He called when he got there and told me how great I looked at the swim meet last night. H is really sick and even stayed home from work with some sort of virus/flu thing! He is usually a workaholic so I told him I was proud of him for that, 
