Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? All settled in 250 miles apart

oh yes! I don't believe any of what I hear and only 50% of what i see. however if she says it, then in that moment there is some truth to it in her mind, even if its misguided. Trying to understand what that is helps me to be understanding rather then angry.

I have said before that I will support her chasing her dreams even at the cost of our M, but I think you may be right it may be the only thing that saves it.

One note on the sharing the Puppy thing. The friendly email I sent her a week ago and the recent one about the wedding both asked how our pets were doing and if they needed anything. she has not replied a single thing about the pets. I know that in the real world they are not really children and i can not demand the same sort of treatment, but to us they always have been. it killed me that during her 7 week communication break she never inquired about them, but it is angering me that when I do show I care about them I get no response.

JWS,

The not responding to the pets things is pretty normal. She may be hesitant about engaging in dialog with you, possibly not wanting to mislead you or something along those lines. I sometimes don't get responses to questions about how my kids are doing and things are going well with my sitch. Try not to get angry about it......it will only come off as controlling. In fact if you typically don't get responses using that method then don't use it....it is all part of the cheese-less tunnels theory. You can't keep trying the same thing and expecting different results. You can't force her to respond to something....even if you feel she should from a "moral standpoint". It is very easy to get self righteous in these situations (been there done that).....it doesn't help

You are so right about the cheesless tunnel. I am just frustrated because she was finally talking to me and we seemed to make some progress, but now she is right back to ignoring me. Its not as if i am even really trying to talk to her just three simple inquiries about my pets in two weeks and always tacked on to some sort of "business" related email or text.


Trust me I know that being self righteous will get me no where. I have been very good about this and tried hard not to judge. Maybe it my job or just me, but I have no problem righting someone off who I don't feel is up to my moral standards. If I applied the same standard to her as I do everyone else I would be screwed. I know that she measured up to this standard and felt the same way about others for the last 12 years.

I will try to keep my moral pointing as it always has, and no that I can not extend that on to anyone else, most definitely not her. Thanks for your thoughts, I feel like you give me a good kick in the right direction every time I wonder off course.

JWS,

Just letting you into what I feel some of my mistakes have been throughout the years. I agree the being ignored part is very difficult to deal with. To me it often seems purely disrespectful. Perhaps, making the e-mail/contact about her might be a better approach....i.e. how is your school going, what classes do you have...that type of thing...show an interest in her life like a friend would.

When does she start school, does she have any summer plans?

JWS

The being ignored part is really difficult. I don't really understand why they do it other than maybe to 'not give us hope'. TD's idea is a really good one about keeping emails and stuff just about her, she may well volunteer some information on the pets if you don't ask her directly and it is good if your life is a bit mysterious, it'll make her wonder. You have every right to be upset though, they are your pets too but I think you may have to just think about the greater good.

You guys are right and I am going to work on that. Right now i think i am just really down. I love my new place but i am adjusting to living alone and all that. Does not help that I cannot stop dreaming about her. good or bad dreams does not really matter it still makes waking up without her really hard. It is strange how this stuff goes in phases. a few weeks ago this it felt as if I did not miss her at all, now its back to as if she left yesterday. Even though the ups and downs are not as big its still a rollercoaster. I guess that won't really end until this is all over one way or another.

I'm right there with you. After spending 2 weeks surrounded morning till night with my family, I'm now back to living alone. It's very hard. We humans aren't really built for solitary living, I don't think. I try to spend as much time as I can with friends, but it's just not the same. And I spent all night last night dreaming about my H, too. Just goes to show how many feelings are there, unconsciously, I guess.

I have to believe they can say anything they want to during the day, but there is no way possible to spend that may years with someone and not have the say dreams at night. Hopefully those get to them too, even if they would never tell us. I know it’s not easy for them but that is all she shows.

Hi JWS

How are you today? Got any plans for the weekend?

Julia

I am having a pretty hard few days and today is no different. I think adjusting to living alone, and a missing her mood, is making for a bad combination. very sad and lots of crying. Weird how it can feel just as sharp as when she first left, but it does not last as long.

I have wanted to go camping and explore this river near me for a while now, but no one has wanted to go. I just realized that I don't need anyone to do go exploring. when i get off work i am throwing a sleeping bag and tent into the car and headed off for the night. I am going to grab a fishing pole too and see what happens.

I am not much of a fisher in fact my W enjoys it much more then i do because she use to go with her grandfather. she always talked about doing it. we bought a bunch of gear and hardly use it, so maybe I can get good at it and have something to show her someday. that’s not why i am doing it but it is a plus.

then Sunday I have to clean up the house we moved out of a bit so I can get my entire security deposit back. I want to just get it and get it done, I hate going over there, we only lived there together for 4 months but even that is enough memories to hate the place.

How about your weekend plans??