He called last night with the whole "I love you. I don't want a divorce" thing. I swear, he's got to have mutiple personalities, because in the same sentance he'll ask if I've chosen an attorney yet. He dropped the 50% custody thing on me last night too. HOW can I give him 50% custody when he's NOT ONCE made an effort to take the kids since he's been gone. He's NEVER once called to see if he can take the kids for the evening, or pick them up early from day care. They are in day care ALL DAY when he has 4 days off in a row, and NOT ONCE has he suggested that he take them. NOW he wants them 50%?? My son has NEVER been away from me overnight! Oh, and he wants to start this Sunday. He wants the kids Sun thru Wed!! I lost it! I was crying. I told him he CANNOT have them overnight. I can't be without my kids like that!! They'd have to sleep on the couch at his parents house where he's living. I CAN'T DO THIS!!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
i think you need a mediator to protect yourself right now- even if this doesnt go through- your children's best interest must be kept #1. you need to ask for what you want and it needs to be reasonable...for both sides. do you think that would help? i cant imagine trying to figure this out on your own and i dont think its safe for you to try on your own either... it will be ok.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Please forgive the intrusion.. Sara, was trying to see where I could find you and looks like you post to Ms. Ladybug often. If you have a minute could you stop by Trixi's thread in Separated? She's looking for some info on Retro and on how to approach her H about it, and I thought you might be able to offer some insight (or steer me to a good thread).
------ ((((Ms. Ladybug)))) I haven't posted to you before but read your threads sometimes. Good luck to you. I agree on the mediator.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Can anyone explain to me what a "legal separation" entails and what the purpose of that would be? In CA there is no amount of time you have to be sep to file for divorce, so that's not it. H brought this up last night asking if I'd want a legal sep. What's the purpose?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Ladybug, I believe a legal separation would sever joint financial obligations once the LS was in place. In other words, if you're still married and want to purchase a home, both spouses would need to sign the documentation, etc. When you're legally sep. you no longer have the financial ties. Gosh, that's a terrible explanation. I bet if you google it, you'll get something much more helpful!
I tend to agree with cat and Sara on the way your husband treats you. Not cool. NOT Christ like. I'm not a die hard Christian, but I know what it means to do unto others and your h hasn't been treating you with kindness, respect or civility. Blech. None of us are perfect, but you've done a great deal to try to keep your family intact. If your husband is too pig-headed to see his role in the demise of your marriage, then his huuuuuge loss. And, your children's huuuuuge loss, but you should feel good about your efforts.
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there, kiddo.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I believe he is pushing all your buttons now. He sure knows how to get to you. He doesn't want a divorce? What's he willing to do about it? Retrouvaille? counseling? Or just pushing you around?
He doesn't want the kids 50% of the time. He wants to upset you 100% of the time.
I agree with Sara! If he is pushing for 50% custody it is because he doesn't want to pay as much child support! I can't imagine someone as obsessive compulsive as he is would actually want the kids messing up his house!
Legal separation is not a step in the divorce process. It deals solely with financial issues. It is usually used where one person needs to keep medical coverage (because they would still be legally married that way) or one person has an issue such as gambling (because it splits up the finances so you aren't jointly liable). It's a remnant of the days when D wasn't an option.
Either person can file a legal separation and it goes into effect the day it is signed by the court.
It can resolve additional issues such as child custody, visitation, child support, spousal support, asset and debt division, former name restoration, and even restraining orders.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
