Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives toruble on the the lake erie shore...#4!

Neil, how about a one paragraph summary of where things are at. Pretty please ? Rate the relationship on a scale of 1-10. Ten being everything you've always wanted. Then rate how it was 6 months ago, & 3 months ago.

No 2 x 4's here. You're doing the best you can.
If there's something specific, I'll try my best to answer.

Peace.

one paragraph? how about a word limit? LOL


at this point, things are ever so slooooowly improving. In the past week or so, we've talked much more than we have in quite awhile. She's vented to me about stuff at work and about a mutual friend couple. I've validated the best that I can during this period. We've also had a "where do we stand" talk..sorta. She's come out of her shell around me a bit. I can tell she's missed the kids (she's blantantly come out and said that), but she enjoys the hands free time. She aso has said she's happier now, and that we are better parents because we do more now with them...QT indeed. SHe's sent me pix messages of the kids the other day, and things are much friendlier

Rating 6 months ago? 6.... but that's because i didn't understand how much pain she was in

Rating 3 months ago? Can you go negative? if not, 0.

Rating now? 1....maybe....

bridgestone and cookie...i'd like to find a way to talk about some of the self discoveries i've made my C without it seeming to be self-centeredness or excusing my behavior during our R. i'm just not sure how to do that......

i also have a good understanding of what it's like to not be listened to.,.......really listened to. LOL.....the very parents i learned it from, are doing it to me...LOL....

Well, I hope that the talk about negative posters was not directed toward me......at least I didn't think I was being "negative" about using the LL. I was just expressing how I felt when I was an almost WAW and I do agree that if you rush her or pursue her before she is ready, it could backfire on you easily. Now, maybe that is seen as being negative and I am not trying to pull you down and discourage you, but I have seen a lot of H's get in too much of a hurry b/c they could not stand the slooooooow process and would do as you said and start trying to get back together before the time was right.

As I told you in my last post, I have lost a little time and when I start trying catch-up is the pits...lol. But, I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to be "negative".....but I am being realistic. If you can use what anyone else has suggested with the LL, I hope it works.

No, not you sandi. other threads on here that i look at. I appreciate oyur input and i'm afraid of going too fast because i want this to last....

so no, it's not you, nor anyone on my thread...

crying is a great release...good for you. it lets out the pain.
i really like the rating scale...it is a good progress- meter...ill try on mine later.
now you said you wanted to open up to yor C about what? you can talk about an anything you'd like with that person...that is for you and your growth- you get to tackles whatever issues you are facing...and the parents thing- OH BOY- lessons are everywhere arent they! learning how to manage that is a major thing that can be worked on right now- bc that will affect you when things get back on track with your W...nothing can be the same- almost all R's will change as a result of this....so you feel they arent hearing you? how can you tell them what you need?

no, i want to figure out a way to tell my W about the discoveries i've made with my C without it making it seem as if i'm excusing my behavior or making the convo self centered.

No, my parents never have really heard me. For example They used to mispronounce my W's name all the time...after me telling them for years the right way to pronounce it. It's very complicated, and very very deep stuff. I don't understand it all yet myself. But the seeds of my self-doubt (which are evident on here alot) come from my R with my parents. I know i've gotten alot of good traits from my parents; however, i also picked up several very very bad ones which were poison to my M. HOwever, they are easily fixable. Just gotta do it.

once i figure it all out, i'll post it. it will probably make more sense as to why i doubt myself and my sitch all the time.. :-)

i have the same sitch w my fam and it was poisonous to my M as well...it is not easy to figure it all out- but just start with one piece of the puzzle and go from there...
if you get a chance you can bring up a little - maybe things you've learned about how to stand up to them or how it affected your wife...do you think she would like ot hear about that?

i'm not entirely sure where to start. I really want the whole puzzle myself before i start hinting at things. Some pretty big revelations that, for lack of a better term, explain many of my behaviors..... and her reactions to them. It's really cyclical too. Upsetting to me because i hurt the woman i love more than anything...and didn't even realize i was.

but things are ok. i think i might've gone a bit too fast.. LOL... the kids colored pix for her today (i gave her a coffee yesterday, and we've exchanged text pix of the kids the last two days)....i don't want to push her away again. She hasn't really talked too much about things. I've validated and listened more intently when talking with her.
Did a little words of affirmation with her...fit in with the conversation...think it went over ok. She was like "yeah right okay" in her "you're nutso whatever dude" voice. I might back off a little..don't want to do too much too soon. will think some more.

really looking for some ways to tell my W some of the things i've figured out to not make it sound self-centered and like i'm excusing the behavior....WAW's? little help? :-)