Hi Eagle, I had been looking for your new thread after your last one locked up. Glad I finally found you. Wow, your W is still deep in her tunnel to be so willing to give you extra custody for financial gain. I cannot imagine a mother doing that. Will your W be buying a place or renting? Eventhough the D is moving along quickly, you seem to be handling things very well under the circumstances. I'm sure things will be less tense for you once she does move out and she may get a real dose of reality.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Glad that you found me. She is renting and moving out 8/1/08. She asked me to pay the deposit, first months rent and wants me to help buy furniture for the kids rooms at her place. I said yes to all but it gets deducted from her settlement check.
She has now realized that after rent utilities, car costs, food and gas she will be broke every month. She has alreday started her campaign on the kids that "your father is and #@#%#^ and that is why I am broke". After she spend 3 days with them last weekend (she was with them not dropping them off at a sitter), she came back saying "those damn kids were in my face for 3 days" and said that will not be able to handle 50/50 custody and wants less time.
She is on the phone with OM 4 plus hours a day. I have no idea what they could talk about so long. She now has the deal to sign - it should be formal soon.
She told me that she now thinks that we will get back together in a few years.... after she has time and space to explore and sort things out. Why does she say things like that?
She wants her safety net.
Originally Posted By: Eagle 2
If it wasn't for the OM, I think that there would still be hope for us.
There's always hope. Just don't count on it (but I think you already know that and are there).
Definitely go for as much custody as possible. Make sure you present this as something you are doing to help her out or make her life easier (so she'll have more time for herself, get her life together, etc...).
It's interesting how her mom is encouraging the D. Why do you think that is?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes, she sees me as her security. She does not want the kids, only the $$$. She does not want me, only the $$$, she told me during one her angry rants that she has looked at me as just a paycheck for some time.
I am fully detached and moving on. Still DBing (to no impact on her).
Well, that probably makes detaching much easier. Perhaps you can throw $$$ her way to get more custody. Then, once you have it all secure through the courts start reducing those $$$.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
She is on the phone with OM 4 plus hours a day. I have no idea what they could talk about so long.
They're behaving like teenagers. No wonder W gets upset when she has the kids. She can't spend as much time on the phone with OM without constant interruptions. I'm sure they'll soon get sick of each other. Eagle, your strength throughout all of this is admirable.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I have 24 days until she moves out. I won't go by very fast with all of the anger. I have to keep saying no on many boundary issues from paying her bills to helping her with "personal" issues. She wants to tell me about her relationship problems with the OM. I have to walk away to get her to stop.
Yesterday I said 3 times that I did not want to argue. She followed me out the door and into the driverway trying to tell me how she needed me to pay her bills. She wants me to pay her rent, phone bill, etc. She really thinks that I am going to support her financially above the alimony and child support. Every time that I say no she gets more and more angry.
Yikes! Any way that OM can help her out with her bills? Any way that you can avoid being around her???
Be careful about the money issue. Be sure to ask your lawyer about how much you should be giving her, and if you might be better off only giving her cash so there is no record. She may try and push the alimony amount up to a particular standard of living. You want to try and keep that low.
Don't say "No" just tell her, "I'm sorry, but I have no extra money." Then when she asks you what you are spending it all on say your girlfriend. Hee hee!!!! Only kidding!!! Do not say that last part!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
We have a formal agreement. I have signed and she said she will ASAP. I am not paying anything beyong the agreement. She keeps telling me that she needs my help and fully expects me to rescue her. The problem is that she will be telling my kids what an a$$ I am for the next 20 years because she will be broke. Even though I have done everything correct legally amd ethically,
