Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy You do what you wanna do, I leave it all up to you

So very sad. *sighs*

I know you know this..but don't enable him!

That really is sad, but he made this, and now only he can fix it.

JMHO, but as was pointed out earlier, I do think the Fall ball thing is his way of keeping connected to you guys (his family). Perhaps he's feeling guilty about all that's happened and is aware that he hasn't really been around the kids, so maybe in his mind, he's hoping doing Fall ball will somehow make up for it.

I say when you go to these events, take a friend if you can so that you're not expected to be sitting with just H all the time(something tells me that's what he would expect to happen). I really think H should start feeling and seeing you slip away. You ought to be less available to what he wants.

(((((((Corey)))))))

(((Michelle))) (((GF)))



I know. He did actually buy the Wii and is going to pay for the cake, but its the whining and the expectation that I will just pull the money out of the air that gets me. You created this mess...BooHoo. Eye-roll.



This is already happening. I do sit with him, but there are always other parents around and MIL is often there, H coaches 1st base, etc... There is not a lot of just us sitting there together as we are both involved in the game. As far as him feeling and seeing me slipping away, this is happening in some ways. He has noticed more than once that I do not initiate contact with him for no reason. If I call him, its because I need something from him or its about a game or the kids...I don't call to chat, I don't just text him to chat. He initiates all of that and has commented on it several times. I just remind him that I told him as long as there were 3 in the M, then I would not pursue him in anyway. Most of the time I get off of the phone first. When I get kids at MIL's house instead of hanging out, I get them and we go. It may not sound like much, but for us its huge. We (H, DS and I) had lunch today and I treated him like a friend, nothing more. Its hard, but I'm getting better at detaching.

I have not changed my mind about getting all of the legal stuff done, its too important. I'm waiting for my friend to let me know when she can get it done. Her D is having some scary health issues and we may have to postpone for a day or so. She has even offered to lend me the filing fee. She is adamant about getting this on record.

Thanks guys. I'm trying.

You sound like you are really detaching and getting better about the boundaries.

His expectation that you will help him out with $$ will disappear when you have stopped it for long enough. Just hang in there.

Sorry for your friend's D. That must have her really stressed out. She sounds pretty amazing.

((((((corey)))))))

Corey,

My D has asked for a Wii as well for her bday. MIL asked for a wishlist and we put one up on the Toys R Us website. Then you can give your log-in and password to whomever and they can see what the child wants. H told me today that MIL has bought most of the stuff already. Geez! It's mostly a dollhouse and it's accessories and lots of Lego things plus the Wii. He said she didn't say anything about the Wii though.

I was thinking though....is there a gambling game for the Wii? Maybe just electronic gambling would be enough for your H? Or no?

Your friend sounds wonderful in lending you the filing fee too! You know you've got someone (besides us ) looking out for you for sure!

I hope her D's health issue dissapates soon!

((Michelle)) ((Dar))

Well, the last 2 days have been a party to say the least. Apparently the Troll may or may not have lost her job yesterday. Apparently she is chronically late to work and was on some probabtion that said she could not be late AT ALL for 90 days and guess what? She is 21 days shy of that and was late yesterday morning. So I guess they never said anything to her about it yesterday even though she did bring it to their (her bosses') attention. So H was STRESSED out all day because if she has no job, then she has no insurance. It just goes from bad to worse with these 2.

Anyway, I guess maybe she will find out for sure on Monday, but wouldn't that just put the icing on the cake?

H came through and got DD her Wii and today was the party. H was at the cardroom last night and has almost spent every dime he has (including what we set aside to pay for car insurance.) He is just too out of control. He called me last night and we talked for a long time. He told he how he knows hes sick and needs help, etc... Sounds mean but I've heard it all before. Show me what you are going to do, quit talking about it.

He was actually really nice today and we all had a good time at the party. DD had a great time so thats really all that matters in the end. Him being here though just makes me sad for all of the times we should have shared in the future. He says the strangest stuff though. I asked him if things would be different if OW wasn't pregnant, if they would still be together and he says no. If she wasn't pregnang then he would already be home. So I asked him, why would he say he would be home if she wasn't pregnang, but doesn't know if hes coming home because she is? Does that make a lick of sense to ANYONE?

As far as gambling games goes, he has one for his laptop and I don't think it is as satisfying as the real thing.

One of H's cousins was here and he was asking her about her brother that has been strung out on drugs for a long time and she was saying how he checked himself into rehab and when he went in, he thought his drug use was only recreational, but now he realizes how bad it really was. She also said it made him realize how he wasn't really having any fun anymore. That is something that H has said so many times, how gambling isn't "fun" anymore. He also commented on how maybe he should check himself into something like that. I agree wholeheartedly, but play it as cool as I can and only respond with something like - "I think it would be good if thats what you wanted and are ready for it." I think he maybe getting ready to do something because he really doesn't have any $$ left and his current credit card only has a very small limit (knock on wood.)

We will see....

Corey you sound strong today. But wow! The OW sounds like such a mess. I don't understand why your H would even consider an R with her really. That's an R that is doomed to fail...

I'm glad to hear that your H sounds like he is realizing gambling is a real problem, I guess the 1st step. I do hope he will take action though! (((Corey)))

((Karen)) H is such a strange man, or maybe its part of this process, but he is on one hand ADAMANT about NOT wanting a D, but when I comment about how things can't stay this way, his reply is, "well, make a move then."

He talks out of both sides of his mouth and its really quite tiresome. I think a big problem for us is I have never forced him to "miss me." We talk everyday, sometimes several times a day and he just doesn't have to miss me at all, but I do it to myself. Yesterday he talked about doing all of the stuff for our LS and getting his name off of the house to protect "us" as in the four of us, not just me and the kids. Found it odd....

Corey:

You posted on my thread and I want to post to you. First of all, as you know, I just found out that ow may (or may not be) pregnant. yes, the hits just keep on coming.

I HAD to file for Legal sep. because if you have followed my story, my h basically kidnapped my d5, stole my car and my father had to come to New York and basically "save the day" so to speak. Part of the "saving the day" was to spend to whole days with lawyer and get the legal sep. done so everything would be in writing. Custody, finances, his resp. -- everything. he also fought me on custody, made up bogus crap to social services on me and we had to go to family court 3 times. I even had to take a drug test as h LIED and said I wasa abusing prescrip. drugs (hello, abusing zoloft?), of course everything came back clean and I worked my ass off getting letters from every doctor I ever saw regarding my "mental health" from NYC where we lived and upstate.

IN the end, I got primary custody. the judge saw right through h's antics and basically said, this isn't an issue of neglect, it's a marital issue, I want it out of my courtroom. I also got my car back.

so NOW this legal sep. which I resisted for so long as I was SO desperate to try to save the marriage, even after I found out about the affair actually turned out to be the BEST thing that could have happened under the circumstances.

h already got a taste of the ramifications of the decree. while we were at my lawyers office (to sign the papers), I was alone with my lawyer in his office going over every last detail. while I was in there, a secretary knocked on the door and in this look of unbelievable disbelief told me "your husband is going through your purse (I had left it on a chair out there, stupid me). they were shocked thta I wasn't even surprised as h has serious issues with boundaries and didn't even act embarrased when the 3 secretaries were like, "what are you doing???". well, when I got home, I saw that my car keys were gone AGAIN!!!

But it was different this time. I called lawyer, he called state police and they were at his door asap. guess what? got the keys back and h was TERRIFIED!! so now he knows what happens if he violates ANYTHING in that decree. And all aspects are covered, from the custody arrangement to his financial obligations. if he even violates even a SMALL thing on it, all I have to do is call lawyer or even state police with decree in hand and there will be AT LEAST an emergency court hearing (within 48 hours) and he will be subjected to arrest. he learned this lesson the hard way and hasn't pulled any more antics since.

So the point here, as much as I fought this as I so wanted to keep the marriage together, I no longer have to live in fear of his games and "what if he does this or that". And by the way, I am subjected to the same as well, so I can't play games either.

You will feel SO much better. In fact, it's brought a since of closure for me and EMOTIONALLY I feel better if you can believe it. I couldn't care less that he's sleeping with her, I don't even need the "stop-sign" technique anymore!! BUT the thought of my daughter having a sibling with this person is disgusting to me beyond belief. And my h is actually a very educated guy -- works for the university system in new york!

my father says now, how can I guy who is so smart be so dumb?

get the LS. Do it for your peace of mind. Seriously.

(((sugar & Spice)))... Hey there found you!

Wow you are dealing with a lot of stuff... Im so sorry.. Your H sounds like he doesn't know which way he's going, very confused person.

Its amazing to me that smart person CAN be dumb like Maryangela said, but you know what it is NOT unusual.. very wealthy, intelligent people can NO common sense.

Anyways, You look like you are doing ok, being strong for your r kids, thats great under the circumtances.

and the OW... well he must be a severely sick person to what to have a baby with a married man...

Your H, I don't think I even need to comment.

Hang in there, ((((hugs))) for you.