something is really really wrong, MIL told me stbx was sobbing histerically and dropped the kids off w/her, she's afraid he's going to hurt himself, I tried talking to him but he wont pick up. I know he isnt' my prob anymore, but I can't ignore this, whatever happens to him will affect the kids. It's prob ow, MIL thinks so too. She just told me stbx was planning on buying a house w/her, but then ow said she didnt' want kids there and stbx then said that that was the point of buying it, then he found the place near me and was bout to close tomorrow but was postponed for next week.
Folks, please pray for him, he needs help bigtime, he might be yet again being yanked by ow but it also might be that he's at the end of his rope mentally.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat, read your note on my thread. Praying for wisdom and guidance for you as I type.
Everhopeful's post says it all. You are responsible for your life and your life with the kids. You can be compasionate and express your concern from a distance but maintaining emotional ties is unhealthy.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Sweetie...I know how much you want to help. But remember that he didn't come to you, and there might be a reason to that, as well. I would suggest to MIL that she contact the crisis intervention hotline (you should be able to call the local hospital for that), and then leave it in their hands. He went to his mother's, and even she will have limited persuasion.
(((((Cat)))))hugs babe. I know you want to help, I am the same way when I know something is going wrong in my H's life. Unfortunately they don't want our help.
I will say a prayer for him, the children and you.
thanks guys, i went into "auto-W-mode" which is not the case anymore. It had to do with ow, MIL thinks she might've tried to kill herself, and of course stbx takes all the blame. You are all right, I need to detach further and stop caring as much. He's a wreck today, wishing he'd die and stuff. I already know that nothing I can say will help, if he doens't want to change his sitch it wont. At least he acknowledged that if someone should be angry about this whole thing is me. Not that I was holding my breath for him to say that.
I dont' want this to happen again, in the future when something is up with him, dont' want to be dragged into his rollercoaster again, this man needs serious professional help, I pray that one day he goes back to God the way he did before.
It;s been crazy here at work, just had a change to pop for a sec, thanks all for your support and for reminding me what I should've remember at the beginning of this mess.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Sounds as if you had an emotional day yesterday. I totally understand the need to want to help H. That's probably been your job all through the marriage, the fixer. You have a big heart so it is only natural that this would be your first instinct even now. I'm so glad that you've snapped to attention and re-thought your involvement.
I'm sure that MIL does not know the whole story. So who knows what's really going on with this in relation to OW. What I do know though is that we are much healthier when we can detach and let things play out according to the plan. If you were to step in and he doesn't want your help, it could get nasty.
he's one sneaky person, he tried to fish to see if MIL had told me (MIL tells me things in confidence and likewise), so if before I used to believe .5 out of 100%, I now believe .01 of what he says. And come to think of it, I dont' want to know anymore, the more I know the more I get mad, MIL told me that at the time I gave him the $ he was going to buy a house with her and she was going to rent her expensive condo (in her dreams in this market) but it fell through as she didnt' want the kids in the house and stbx actually said that was the point of getting the house, for a while they broke up, but now that she "almost died in his car" I'm sure his feelings have woken up for her even more, and also the knowledge that he's screwed up with everyone's lives around him, that's a very sad and sorry way to live.
I must detach detach and detach, I dont' want to know anymore, this man lives day by day on a whim.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Detaching is the ONLY thing that helped me. I kept letting myself get dragged back into his life, and when you can't control a darn thing they do, it would just be hurtful and sad. I fianlly started saying that I didn't want to know. I didn't talk to my MIL about him or anyone who ran into him and seemed to have a story. That seems to work for me.
