Kelly Jo, I wrote on your new thread, but since you were talking about it here, and the other thread is off the beaten track, I'll copy what I wrote here:
Quote:
(((((Kelly Jo)))))
Hmmm, before I write, remember that this comes from the point of view of someone who doesn't have your problem!
This one is really tricky for me. On the one hand, since he bombed you, I could really see how this could feel like pursuing to him. It could be putting pressure on him. On the other hand, it might be helping to maintain a connection with him, and serve to remind him that he is your H, and you are his W.
So, you seem pretty clear that you don't feel bad about it at all. So, from your point of view it seems safe enough. She feeling are you getting from him? I'd be tempted to back off just a bit. Be obviously available, but see if he'll actually initiate. What do you think about that?
Jeff. I am definitely open to that. I did at one point back off and he initiated.
I promised him a night off LOL and will just try standing pat until something happens.
See the thing is that I readily admit that I had my focus away from our marriage much of the time and this is one of my ways of focusing on giving to him. I am offering love without expectations.
I have things I would like to see happen, but I don't expect them any time soon. I am still early in the DB process and just have to be patient.
Good thing you don't mind hijacking. : )
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
(((((Kelly Jo))))) I think you have it right. You don't have to back off completely, just a bit. In fact, at this point completely would probably be a mistake.
(((((Jen))))) Do you think I should ask her? It doesn't seem like a good idea to me!
Jeff. Maybe you don't have to ask her verbally. Maybe just use eye contact, a soft touch, a gently hug, a light kiss and go from there.
I got the message and I'm backing off. I won't make any secret of wanting him (not sure I could keep it a secret at this point) but I will hold off on initiating.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
