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I know this is a bit late to post to this, but I've been reading your sitch today and wanted to comment.

Something that made a big difference for how I felt I was treated & was like a 2x4 for my H was for him reading the 5 Love Languages (there's one for men).

If her Love Lang. is words of appreciation making a big deal out of it is great. Thanks is always nice, be specific about what it is you appreciate about her.

Her thoughtfulness no one sees what others need as quickly as you do and you are so willing to go the extra mile to make sure they get it.. that is so great about you!.

her time management I am always amazed at how effortlessly you get so much done in a day, like picking up my cellphone accessories, and make it look so easy), etc, etc.

finding her LL and speaking it almost like having a secret weapon. Don't force the 'love' part, keep it 'friendly'.

It made a big difference for me when H started speaking mine, got me back into him enough to see his change as meaningful, not just a game to get me back.

I'll keep reading your posts.

Thank you Bridgestone for pointing that out. I say thank you but I do not go to the extent that you have suggested. I will have to look for that book.

Thanks again and any advice you can give me is really appriciated. I like hearing from a womans POV. Its so different from mine.

I too have found the womans POV really helpful in understanding what my w is thinking. You just dont realise how different we are until this sitch hits you.

You seem to be much further on your personal journey than me at the moment and any tiny step forward is great. I too am trying to be more appreciative but fear I sound a bit false.

I say I have come to terms with my part in this but maybe I dont believe it yet. You sound as if you are truly there.

All the best

It took a long time to stop blaming all our problems on her. I was angry that she was not meeting my needs while the whole time I was not meeting hers. Its a two way street and once I stopped blaming her for my unhappiness and started to control my anger I could see things more clearly. I have taken responsibility for all my actions and inactions and that is the key.

I also read "How to improve your relationship without talking" and that gave me some great insites into my sitch.

Good luck with yours, it is a long journey but if all works out the rewards could be great for both of you.

Just journaling.

Not much has been happening around here. W and I have been getting along, talking and watching tv.

We went out last night to get some more plants for our landscaping so I can plant this weekend. One of the ones I had planted died and they were not going to take it back. But I felt that with it not lasting two weeks that I got sold a lemon. I did finally get them to give me a new one. W was impressed because normally she does the B**ching so it was a change for me to do it.

Tonight W got home late from work. We ate dinner and talked about her day and mine. She is off to play Texas-Holdem with her sister and dad and asked me what I was planning on doing. Don't think she wants to know I am on a web site talking about our R to anybody but without all the support I would not have made it this far.

I will take the peace in my house as a nice repreave from last weekend anyday.

Nice 180 and way to be the alpha male We do notice those things.

BTW. Can you be more specific about what you learned reading the book you mentioned above?

Hope you the peace in the household continues through the week-end!

The book is based on the fact that men and women speak two totally different languages and it is difficult for us to get our point across by talking. Even though each might mean the same thing when we are talking it is said usuing different words that not only confuses the other person but usually makes matters worse.

How many times have you tried to talk to you H about something and he takes it the totally wrong way. So you try again and it makes it worse, so you try one more time. Now your both upset and arguing over an issue that wasn't even what you started out wanting to talk about. It was just how you said it.

It is about how to make your actions do the talking. It is alot like DB and DR but gives it to you from a different POV. I actually read this book before DB and it helped me with dealing with my W. I said the whole way thru it thats me.

We react to what the person is saying because that is not how we would have said it. We are miscommunicating not because of what we are saying but how we say it.

Now that I think about I should go back and reread it, it has been over a year and I probably need to refresh my memory.

I am hopeing the peace last also. Ever since Friday I have had no desire to snoop or worry about what she is doing. It seems odd you would think I would be on pins and needles but the guy's reaction to me and what was happening made me belive it was mostly innocent. Most likely a EA but not a PA. Not that an EA is good but I can see why and how it happened and my part in it.

Have a great 4th and a great weekend.

Not much happening in my sitch.

Friday the 4th did some landscaping, W and I when to a picnic at a friends house than W and I watch tv together before I went to bed. She came up later.

Saturday W and I bought more plants to finish our landscaping, picked up son from boyscout camp, D went to friends house for picnic and S went also to a friends house. W and I went to dinner D called was at home with her Grandfather. They came out to dinner with us. W and I went to pick up S stayed had a few drinks watch fireworks and went home.

Sunday W snuggled early in morning, went to breakfast with D and S, wife stayed home. She had an upset stomach from picnic food. Finished my landscaping and made dinner for inlaws. W and I went for a walk and then watched tv till her Lifetime show came on at 10:00.

Monday got home late, W had made dinner. I cleaned up and we sat outside for a couple of hours and talked. We watched tv and I went to bed.

Nothing exciting just trying to be her friend and work on the house. I feel like I am in a holding pattern just hanging out and trying to take it slow and be patient. Enjoying my time with her and the inner peace I have right now.

This is very good, it's exactly what you need to be doing right now..

That is perfect !!! Keep doing that.