Yea we have a visit from the big dogs tomorrow. Me and my boss just spent 3 hours picking up wet cardboard boxes in 90% humidity and it was 96F. Needless to say.. we are sucking up the AC now!!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
FG...visits from big dogs are not fun..hope it goes well! heat and humidity yuck,yuck,yuck!
did you ever see the episode of "being bobby brown" where whitney houston was all high, and kept sayn "crack is whack, crack is whack!!!" it was kinda funny...very funny!!
what are the big dogs looking for? i hope they do not look for how much time you spend on the internet, outside of work/bussiness...ie:this website!!
it's storming here...bad...my 8 yr old pooch hates it! he's crying and shaking...i feel bad for him. he never did this at the farm, i think he misses his daddy!
what do you think he is thinking....in regards to me texting on a daily basis? wanting a mans perspective here.
making brownies...yummy, triple chocolate, with hershys kisses...time to get them out of the oven!
christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Well from a mans perspective.. if I had a woman who was texting me and I did not want her to.. I would either ignore it.. or tell her to stop. Now.. if it was causing a heartache for me.. if I was dating someone.. you can be assured she would get the stop it.. pretty quickly.
Now you gotta understand that we are throwing in there.. you two are married.. and you have been separated. It makes it a little muddy.. but not too much. You gotta go at this with the mind of "No Expectations". Kinda like the first one.. you expected him to do nothing.. and he did. Never assume to know what the other person is thinking.. always know the outcomes of your actions. I have called them "Pointed Positions". You do something that has two out comes.. the person moves closer.. the person moves away.
#1.. You are scared of doing something wrong.
Really.. there is no right or wrong thing to do. You do.. or you do not.. as Yoda says.
Don't be scared that what you do may push him away. Really.. what is the worst that could happen? He could decide to do the paper thing. He can't leave you.. you are already separated.
You gotta take small consistent steps to make a change.
No response.. at this point in the game is ok. Again.. all we are doing is getting a feel for where he is. I actually liked that he texted you had said he was having a bad day.
My group is trying to buy more TV stations. The big bosses are coming in to bring some banker thru. The facility I work in is very unique. So it tends to impress. The big bosses couldn't find out what I was doing if I showed them how.. really they don't care.. I am good at what I do.. and I make sure they are taken care of if they have a problem.. so they love me.
"it's storming here...bad...my 8 yr old pooch hates it! he's crying and shaking...i feel bad for him. he never did this at the farm, i think he misses his daddy!"
We had a pretty good storm today too. Weird weather pattern here.
Sounds like you and the dog have something in common. LOL.
Just keep the txt's light.. and consistent. Nothing to sexy.. just playful banter. All you want to do is steer him to a conversation. He just needs to know you are thinking about him.. let him chase. Delay a response here and there. Do them at off times.. (within the rules I defined in the last thread). Never at the same time everyday.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
FG, he called me...asking, about the pool...it lead into a R/M talk...he said he is done, he was very angry, he said he could never trust me again, i needed to let go of any idea of this working out...i tried to explain some things...he just kept saying if i really loved him i would have never done this to him...he will never be able to forgive me
he wants to be able to talk about a D, and not use atty's....i said no, i still had hope for us...he told me i was nuts. i said if he really wanted a d, he could talk to his atty, he said he couldn't afford it, like i could...i feel as if that was a bs excuse...
he kept saying it was time for us to move on, it's been a year and a half....he could never trust me again...we are never going to be again...
he said we needed to talk more about what we want....i said i don't want a D...so there wasn't really anything to talk about...he just kept saying, there would never be a marriage between us again...i should have thought about that before i walked...i told him i just was trying to give him space to figure this out...he said he had, and there was no way he would take a gamble on me again...i caused him too much pain
oh, FG, i was not expecting this...i'm freaking out....help me! before i go nuts!
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"he said he is done, he was very angry, he said he could never trust me again, i needed to let go of any idea of this working out.."
As long as he is angry.. it won't work out. Are you angry? Why is he angry? He just told you.. you left.. why now?
"i tried to explain some things.."
What did you explain? Really I need eyes on.
"he kept saying it was time for us to move on, it's been a year and a half....he could never trust me again...we are never going to be again..."
Is he still on the phone?
"he said we needed to talk more about what we want....i said i don't want a D...so there wasn't really anything to talk about...he just kept saying, there would never be a marriage between us again...i should have thought about that before i walked...i told him i just was trying to give him space to figure this out...he said he had, and there was no way he would take a gamble on me again...i caused him too much pain"
Well.. I think we know where he is now.
"oh, FG, i was not expecting this...i'm freaking out....help me! before i go nuts!"
I was expecting it on the first text message. Slow down a bit.
Lets sort it out.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
My inheritance paid for the pool...he wants to "bulldoze" the pool as it is growing black mold, and will need a new liner and new pump and filter in order to run properly. he lives on a farm, with a well, so water has to be hauled...he says he sick of maintaining the pool...i said, that must be frustrating, but i hated to see him "bulldoze" the pool, not knowing what was going to happen later down the road with he and I...thus leading into the heated discussion....
am i angry...now? no, i was...now i'm just crying...i didn't even get angry on the phone, even when he said i could use the lessons learned from this R/M and apply them with another man...and i would find someone else to love...
is there anything i can do to help dissipate the anger?
What did I explain....that i was not a mean angry monster bitch anymore, i did not want to go back to the same R/M, but I wanted something better, that I knew all too many times i put my selfish ways first..before our R/M, he said he knew i was sorry, but he was not willing to gamble a third time on me and risk me leaving again...i didn't know how to respond to that one....he asked me if the grass was greener on the other side, i said no, just more to mow, he said i want what i can't have....i said no, i made vows for better or worse, he said our M, is just a piece of paper right now, married people talk and live together...neither of which we do....
angry...he is still so angry....i need to get him to move from this angry stage....the strange thing is, he told one of our friends not to long ago, that i was ignoring him...and didn't know what was up with that....he said he had a bad day yesterday, pool issues today, i didn't address the pool problem...maybe i am the scape goat?
i need to address the pool issue in a fair and balanced way...if we sell it, we will never get what it is worth...33 ft above ground, custom for our house...hate to let it go....would like to offer to help have it shut down for now, until we are at a place to deal with issues...
is he really here...or multiple bad days just stacking up...the conversation started good...we were both laughing, and he initiated the phone call with a text to see if i was working...i think i blundered by stating, something about the R/M...he was not ready nor was i to deal with it
i already had heard multiple times his feelings on what he thought of how i left he has been reminding me all along we would not be in this position, had i not left...and that he would have never done this to me, because you don't do things like that to someone you love. i think, possibly, he still feels as if he has the not good enough mentality...need to get him past that as well....
what is the plan? where do we go from here? no he's off the phone..called around 5:30 we talked for about 40 mins
christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"My inheritance paid for the pool...he wants to "bulldoze" the pool as it is growing black mold, and will need a new liner and new pump and filter in order to run properly. he lives on a farm, with a well, so water has to be hauled...he says he sick of maintaining the pool...i said, that must be frustrating, but i hated to see him "bulldoze" the pool"
Stop!
You need to understand that I can't be there all the time. I am going to help.. but you gotta leave me something to work with. You did good right up until you told him "something" may happen. He can't know it. It is our secret.
"am i angry...now? no, i was...now i'm just crying...i didn't even get angry on the phone, even when he said i could use the lessons learned from this R/M and apply them with another man...and i would find someone else to love..."
Pretty clear signal he is pointing the finger at you. He still has his stuff focused on you leaving. I expected as much. I would be.
"What did I explain....that i was not a mean angry monster bitch anymore, i did not want to go back to the same R/M, but I wanted something better, that I knew all too many times i put my selfish ways first..before our R/M, he said he knew i was sorry, but he was not willing to gamble a third time on me and risk me leaving again...i didn't know how to respond to that one...."
Told you.. you gotta think on your feet. If you can't.. shut the conversation down!! I gotta pee.. will work.
"he asked me if the grass was greener on the other side, i said no, just more to mow, he said i want what i can't have....i said no, i made vows for better or worse, he said our M, is just a piece of paper right now, married people talk and live together...neither of which we do...."
More of the same.. just.. crap.
"angry...he is still so angry....i need to get him to move from this angry stage....the strange thing is, he told one of our friends not to long ago, that i was ignoring him...and didn't know what was up with that."
So it was a test.. all this was a test. Did you change?
"i need to address the pool issue in a fair and balanced way...if we sell it, we will never get what it is worth...33 ft above ground, custom for our house...hate to let it go....would like to offer to help have it shut down for now, until we are at a place to deal with issues..."
Who owns it? He is living with the pool right? Or is this something we need to split up in the papers?
"s he really here...or multiple bad days just stacking up...the conversation started good...we were both laughing, and he initiated the phone call with a text to see if i was working...i think i blundered by stating, something about the R/M...he was not ready nor was i to deal with it"
Christa.. learn from what you just said. Everything I wrote.. you just agreed with. Don't second guess yourself. Shut it down.. don't make it worse. I told you.. don't answer the phone unless you are prepared.
"i think, possibly, he still feels as if he has the not good enough mentality...need to get him past that as well...."
Hmmm.. You think?
"what is the plan? where do we go from here?"
Well we stirred up some drama. I gotta think a sec.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
FG...the pool issue...yes, it is at his house, but mine legally, in the state where i live, anything bought with inherited money, is not included in marital property...since this is where the conversation started, i would (i think) like to be courtious enough to help him with the issue...such as, i can help you pay for the chemicals to shut the pool down and buy a new cover that will remmedy the situation for the time being? i will not beat a dead horse...or get overly excited about a pool...my R/M and keeping him sane, will come first..
drama...yeah, it sucks...
need to work on raising his PMA
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Why do you have this in your signature?
If you are going to put it there.. make sure you abide by it.
You are not doing that.
"i would (i think) like to be courtious enough to help him with the issue...such as, i can help you pay for the chemicals to shut the pool down and buy a new cover that will remmedy the situation for the time being?"
Why now when you look back.. does this pop out at you? Yes.. this would have been a more effective solution. Do you have the "free" money to help him.. even if he does not need it? Do you want to help? Not because the help will make the situation better.. but because you want to?
"my R/M and keeping him sane, will come first.."
He is sane. You have no relationship or marriage to put first. Remember clean slate. Both of you. Not judging you.. but the second you WA.. you changed things. You can't fix that.. you gotta start over. New post.. New work.. don't go back to what you know. It leads you here.. moving to a different area of posting.
If you can help him with the pool.. tomorrow you text.. I will get the pool straight. And you get it straight.. everything.
I think we found the fine line.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
