Why don't you read Dbing/DR again with that renewed knowledge? It may spark some new ideas of how to use this new insight. If you don't use it then it is wasted, at the same time NOT letting her know you have read her diaries!! It just may help you in you conversations with her. I agree that time is a really good thing but as you are separated you have to treat each interaction as just that, a treat to make the most of.
Yeah I agree those are great suggestions, I will stay out of her stuff as well. I have come along way in that regard and gave up snooping for information, but these today were what we call "targets of opportunity" and the just jumped out at me. I have been making my way back through the book and am seeing it from a different light.
You are absolutely right about time together being a treat. We made lose plans to see the new batman movie together in two weeks. I hope that she sticks to that, plus I miss my puppy so it’s only fair to let me come down and play with him. Then in Aug there is a Parents and Spouses orientation at the Law School. I am keeping my fingers crossed that she lets me go to that so I can learn more about it and how to best support her. if either of those two events happen I will make the most of them and enjoy the time with my best friend. that part of time together last week was great.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Well we are going to do that, but the 4 hour drive between us makes it hard, so we figured we would switch off every few weeks, but right now till school gets going she has the most time to give to him and he deserves that!!
We got him because we believed that we had saved our marriage and were ready for a renewed commitment to each other, now we have to share him, that’s a bumber but we would have been doing it any way with school.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
I think the server can't cope if the thread gets too long or something. Here is my new thread. I too am dying to know how the anniversary went with TwinDad - I am hoping no news is good news?! That is a shame about your dog, it sounds like you need him too at the moment. I have to say that my cat has become devoted to me since my h left and is a real comfort to me. She doesn't leave my side. It's funny because my h is in love with that cat and when he comes round she won't go near him!
I did reread DR and got a lot more out of it this time. I had a much more clear mind and took a more academic approach then the first time I read it.
like we have talked about before it was the opposite of detaching. I had thoughts of her in my head all day, and it took me a long time to fall asleep because of them. then i had a very pleasant dream about her and woke up a bit sad. but it was all worth it because I refocused my efforts to myself.
Right now what i hate the most is wondering what she is up to. i have no way of knowing so my mind wonders. that tends to create either false hope or false despair and neither are very helpful.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Just something I did at the weekend that helped me to let go a little of the anger I felt towards my h was to think about what I blame my h for. Doing thatreally helped me work out some stuff. I realised some of the things I held against him were actually quite irrational and it also helped me to work out some of the 180s I have listed on my thread for our next meeting.
Hi JWS! I missed you so much! I haven't gotten completely caught up with your new thread yet, but I hear you that your distance and separation is hard. You're incredibly strong though, and you can make it work for you. I LOVE the sharing custody of the puppy thing, because it gives you a regular excuse to see your W, despite the distance.
And you explaining her dreams, and your reaction to them makes a lot of sense. By the way, I hope you know that it's not true that you ruined the last 12 years of her life. That's justification on her part. However, realize now that you didn't support her dreams out of fear of losing her. Now you know that supporting her dreams is the only thing that may keep you together. There is an incredible life/love lesson in there, one I am learning as well.
People make mistakes out of fear. Some people never learn to do anything different, they just keep jumping from one relationship to the next, always with the same fears. Not you. You're becoming a person capable of more love than fear. It's an incredible gift to your wife as well as yourself.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
