Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

Are there any other out and out introverts out there? Does it feel like when you start telling people about separating that the zombies are closing in?!

One girl in my wider circle of friends who is single, has an idea that we might be splitting up (still not official yet). She hugged me for 2 mins straight the other day (that is a looooooooong time for a hug), wouldn't let me pull away and said I know you are quite independent, but I also know that we are going to be very close friends in the future, and I am going to be able to take care of you like I want to...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Also I finally got around to telling my Pastor and his wife last week, was dreading it. They don't talk very kindly about stbx, mainly because of him leaving the church and the hoohah about him and the other girl in church. So I didn't want to tell them and them to go on and on about how they are so glad, they knew something was up etc. Anyway, in the end they were very restrained about him.

But the wife, who has not had very much contact with me at all since the stbx/girl incident (other than to ask me to look after her children once - sheepishly) is now texting me regularly, wanting details, asking if I am ok all the time... It feels utterly unnatural, and quite frankly I resent the intrusion. I think she wants me to be a complete wreck (which I'm not) and fall into their arms and have them care for me.

It seems people want me to run to them at this time, which would validate them.

Hey Happycamper, just checking in on you

I agree,


M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

Every so often something comes up and it makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing by going along with the sep/D? It would be the 'morally right' thing to do, the best thing for the children (maybe?), it's what DB would say...

But then H doesn't want to stay married, we have already started the process of separating and at the moment H leaving us is not the worst thing that could happen - H saying he wants to try again would be far more frightening.

Have others had this sense of indecision? In order to start work on R now, or even to hold it open in case H changed his mind, I would have to stop all my moving forward.

Help?

Welcome to DB land, indecisions, uncertainty, ups, downs, maybe's could be, will never be, what if, should I and on and on and on - sorry.

Some on the best advise I received here, was think about what you want, your decisions should be decisions you can live with today and years from now. If you can look back on this and say the decisions I made where the right ones for me. Just remember you cannot control your H, you can only control what you do.

A lot of the DB is, taking care of yourself, working on yourself, doing 180 stuff and GAL. I know its hard, but I know for a fact that when I do stuff for myself (I haven't in years) just like joining softball team at work, or getting involved in church, when I need W to watch the kids becasue I have a life, it drives her crazy.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

Ok. Now it seems that H did not have 3 sexual encounters, but around 20. Two of those episodes were with couples.

It's a real shame, as I thought he was telling me the truth. I guess lying comes so easy when that is all you do...

This man has a problem.

Actually think I am still in some sort of shock. I thought I knew this person, I really did.

Hi all

Feeling just rubbish today. Keep looking at H and thinking - what did you do? This isn't just one or two episodes of unfaithfulness, this is around 25. My M just seems to be an absolute joke.

He has no intention of changing, and he has no intention of staying with me. I guess that's something I suppose. At least I don't have to try and work through this.

Has anyone else had any experience of this kind of infidelity? I would like to know how they handled it.

Also wondering if I should move forums (or websites even?!) as I am not DBing.

Could he be addicted to sex? This doesn't sound like the run-of-the-mill infidelity. If this is the case, he would need professional help, and he would need to decide, for himself, to seek that help.

This really sucks for you, but at least, you are getting some of the truth. And, that really can set you free.

Take care.

He did contact SAA and they were happy to have him, but he never did anything about it. He does need help, but at the moment he quite likes the way he is. This is one of the reasons I agreed with him to call it a day.



You are so, so, so right!!

Thanks for replying...

I agree with Beth, you cant' save a man from himself, he does soudn like he's addicted, but no one but him can change that.
Are you still questioning if you should go forward with the S/D? what choice has he left you? none.
A councelor I used to see asked me at the time stbx left if he only had 1 ow or if he had other encounters, and told me there is a difference between having an indiscretion and being a womanizer.

Your H has lost himself, sin pulls you in so bad after you reject your concience's pleas that it stops talking to you. He had lost sight of himself, and when a person doesnt love himself he has no love to give to anyone else.

Hugs hugs)))))))))))))) your M wasn't a joke, you kept to your vows and now you have 4 wonderful children and your whole life ahead of you, he's the one with the problem luv, not you. Praying for you)))