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Sounds like she sees you claiming her as your W as some sort of pressure. A title she isn't comfortable with right now.

How about calling her by her name? Lol

Lots of baby steps. Her inviting you up is big!

That's what's funny, after being married for a couple years, I get a blank look with people when I say "Lauren". And I have to explain, "you know, my wife". Anyway, she snooped and found that text, I don't say it in front of her.


Another thing I've been thinking about. She got a VM on Monday night, looked concerned, and went outside for a while saying it was SIL.

I took a nap, and woke up very concerned because it was dark outside, and usually that would really bother W. It's not a dangerous neighborhood, and I've never felt unsafe, but W would complain a lot when she lived here. She grew up in an extremely sheltered, gated community type deal.

When she came back, she said she'd been for out for a walk while on the phone. Seeing my surprise, she responded that the and she's been feeling more independent and confident.

What a weird, codependent cycle we were in, blaming each other for everything. Now she can walk down the street by herself at night, and I love it. That's the woman I married, but she turned into something so different for a while. And I was resentful when her headaches ruined our plans, or I had to do the housework. Having to do it all on my own has changed that.

I guess we've got to be strong enough on our own to make it together in a marriage.

Truer words were never spoken!

Yes, I also get the name thing. If I refer to my H by name, a lot of people ask, your H? Lol.

W called and said she sent me an e-mail, and we had a good talk. She hasn't told her parents she's moving out yet, and is nervous about it (I've had enough encounters with FIL to understand why). I told her to do it via e-mail, just like I should have done more in our marriage (our discussions would get heated at times, and she would ask about e-mail but, like everything else I didn't listen. It seemed weird to e-mail when you live with someone). She said "look at you with your good advice." Very surprising.

Check out the e-mail:

H,

thank you so much for spoiling me this weekend! it was such a wonderful feeling of you taking care of me and of us enjoying each other's company.

i forgot the air mattress, but will be able to borrow one from my dad and MIL. thanks for being willing though.

as to pictures, i'll have to get to work!!

i hope you are having a good rest of your week.

W

Explanation: she wanted to borrow my air mattress to check out this Craigslist place for a month before moving her stuff. As for the pics, I bought her a couple presents at Fredericks of Hollywood, and I want some pics

She hasn't signed her name to an e-mail in a long time. Now we're doing an old long-distance dating trick and watching "Army Wives" at the same time and talking on the phone. Baby steps...

Wow,GREAT baby steps. I love reading these mini triumphs around the board.

Your comment about needing to be strong enough on your own to make it together in a marriage REALLY resonates with me. I think I've become far too dependant on my H, and like your wife that is SO not me, or the person I was when we met. I need to think about and digest that more!

Chris

So many nice positives!

Hey Chris!

I remember a quote from Michelle that all marriages are co-dependent to some extent, and that's why it's so hard to make it on our own at first. Hopefully the results will be good for all of us.

(((Jon))) Just catching up, you are doing great!!! When I say my H's name ("Andy") people look at me like I an strange too. Is that your H? Uh, yes. I find that during the marriage we did not refer to each other by name, either Honey, My Love, but we forgot that we are too people. So now I see that we both use the name, and I am not sure if that is good or bad lol.

But you seem to be doing great, and the fact that your W is showing some independence is a fantastic thing. Sometimes we need to be ripped apart to start over I think...

Lola

Rollercoaster continues...

Had a great time watching the show together last night, talked for a bit and then I ended the convo. She called back and wanted to talk some more, which was good until the end. She kept asking where our sheets are, and I reluctantly told her that my mom gave them away when I was home for a bit (I'm still ticked at mom about that, she found them depressing but didn't ask me). This led to a series of "how can you still hurt me?" and "your parents screw everything up" statements, which I agreed with and kept apologizing. Not fun.

This morning a text: "Need ur help asap can u?"

Text seemed strange, so I called, and W was scared to death. She OD'd on one of her meds by taking it at midnight and then 5 AM. (head must REALLY be hurting), lost her vision and felt disoriented. I looked up the med and gave her the info, helped calm her down. She'll be able to sleep it off.

Then the following interesting text exchange:
Me: Praying for you
W: Ugh I hate when people say that! But thanks for concern
W: Things are getting better
Me: Glad to hear it
W: Please do not tell ANYONE! I've got it under control.
Me: Will stay confidential
W: Thank you
W: Everyone worries already and knows too much
Me: Right, you handle everything so well
W: Thanks wish that had helped us... By the way I never want to hear about our M again, k?
Me: Done, sorry about that


We had some R talk this weekend, initiated by her, so I guess this is the pullback. "praying" hasn't upset her before, but I'll stay away from it now. I'm tired of the rollercoaster. Time to get off for a while and go to Austin for the 4th.

Have a great 4th everyone!

Hmm well, the praying thing makes sense with her pullback from religion. I'd stick with "thinking about you" or "sending you good thoughts" sort of stuff if you want to say things along those lines.

Yes some pullback. Just ride it out. Detach. It's her roller coaster, not yours (unless you let it be).



Have a great weekend!!!!!!

(((jon)))