(((Jeff))) Well, there is at least a little communication there. I don't know, but reading your thread it seems to me she is beginning to discover that some of her behavior is less than savory. You are doing such a great job, and I think the little gestures you are performing are obviously having an affect!!!! Good Job!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hey Jeff, my two cents worth, if its ok. I think your wife's behavior is her screaming to be heard. I think she does not feel good about herself. Jumping at your son like that, I feel, was, believe it or not, her way of feeling in control. She wanted those boxes, she wasnt getting them, no one cared.
Now to you or I that seems silly, but for someone who, I think, is depressed (as I was for a long time), the issue wasnt the boxes, it was does anyone care.
I think you are doing great. I think the notes and the messages on the mirror are great ideas. I wouldnt do them everyday, then they arent special.
I think getting the boxes or offering to take a ride with her to get the boxes is also a good idea.
I just don't know. She was going to get the boxes, we were making a stop just for her! No one was complaining, or resisting. She had to pull teeth from the "customer service" person at Target #1 to get the answer to her question, but she got it, and we were all on board to follow up. Then she got on S13, he said something, and she extended it to S18 (who wasn't even there) and it all fell apart. It is all about control, though, I agree with that.
As far as how often to do the notes, I think I'll start out everyday, or nearly so, and then throw in some unpredictability.
She's working today, so the the boxes can wait. I think she'd actually get mad if I got them now.
I have an entirely different take on the scene. I think she is hypercritical of everyone in the family. None of you are good enough for her, and she's going to tell you why. She can't have a good time around you because she doesn't want to have a good time around you. That would not reinforce her decision to be unhappy with her marriage, probably even her entire lot in life. Everything is better somewhere else, and the three of you are holding her back. She deserves better than this life and this family.
...or, you could ...ask her !!?? She probs wont answer, but just a thought. "Are you ok? Why did you get angry in the car earlier? Would you like to talk about it?" ..worth a try !??
Otherwise, we are all just speculating and guessing. Well done on the golf Jeff, hope its fun! My arm still aches from when I went to the driving range over a week ago, I'm such a wuss. Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
...or, you could ...ask her !!?? She probs wont answer, but just a thought. "Are you ok? Why did you get angry in the car earlier? Would you like to talk about it?" ..worth a try !??
That is a really good idea. What do you think, Jeff??? Do you think she will answer?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
or...she could be in the mode of "I'll get them before they get me". Has she always been a martyr ? I was a really good one. Have fun golfing ! It takes me about 10 strokes to get the ball even close. But, I get lots of exercise.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I'll be back in a bit to answer. I have to get something to eat!
I golfed the best have this summer on the front nine, then the heat and "humidity" kicked in. The back nine nearly killed me, and I was driving cart! And I sucked!
