Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I hate myspace!!

Hi ladybug! Nice to see you! I have an IUD, its the Mirena IUD, its very effective and it only has the hormones in the IUD itself, so the only effect is directly on the uterus, they arent even measurable in your blood(ergo: your brain!!), and its good for 5 years. But there are IUD's that have no hormones at all. Its actually really interesting, because they arent sure exactly what makes the IUD work. Anyway, I love it, the best part is you really cant screw it up, with antibiotics, missing a dose, or whatever. Theyre really underused in the US, Im studying to be an OB/GYN, so sorry, but I have alot to say on the subject.

I told him that I was all pent up! We laughed about it, and I told him that it was time for him to go, because I had to take a cold shower! It was the first time that he left and I didnt collapse against the door sobbing, this time I smiled.

Today I GAL'd, big time, Im so excited: I signed up for motorcycle riding lessons, they start next monday! I bought a helmet, clunky biker bit(h boots, and gloves, couldnt quite afford a jacket, so I stole one of H's old thick work coats for now, but I am determined to get myself a hot leather jacket.

well, they are in love! yuck! Whatever. I told H that I wouldnt sign the papers as long as he was having an affair. He said that he didnt consider it an affair, he thought of it as a relationship. I told him that he could think of it as whatever made his conscience feel better about what he was doing, but it didnt change the fact that it is an extra-marital affair and he is in a marriage, not a relationship!

I said that when he was ready to stop acting like a child I would talk to him. He asked why he was acting like a child, I said because you arent being honest with anyone about what your doing, not your friends, your parents, no one. He said my parents know, I said really, your dad knows? and he said his mom knows... Really, only mommy knows, because dad would have your a$$? Correct me if Im wrong, but that really reminds me of being 8 years old... Just wait till your father gets home.

I know, validate, validate, validate... Im ready to replace that with some other V's, Vomit, vomit, vomit! And I havent burned his papers yet, so that should count for some validation.

Maybe I set myself back, but I think that I made this right before he left, just needed to vent here. This Convo happened the same day that my sex drive convo did, just needed some time to set it into perspective.

Phew! vent over!

Today was great, went on a long hike on the beach, got some veggies from my greenhouse and spent some time in the sun. I collect eagle feathers on the beach while Im working for distribution for native american religious ceremonies, and today I collected more than ever, including a perfect white tail feather. Ive never found one before, so I like to think of it as a sign of good things to come.

It was a little sad to come home and not be able to share my great day with my H, but knowing that hes away on the ship being miserable (part of his MLC is he now HATES his job), made me smile. It was bizarre, I really almost expected him to be here when I came home, I guess I havent quite learned how to experience happiness without him. I cant quite separate my happy day from feeling sad that he wont share it with me.

Luckily, Im so freaking exhausted from hiking 10 miles on the beach I wont have any trouble sleeping tonight!

That was a good vent bluerain, but at least you sound a little more upbeat for now.

Thanks sooner, made me feel better!

BR~Just checking in, you sound better...each day gets a little easier....i have been at this a year and a half....and what i have learned each day gets easier..thank God for that!

continue to pray..I sent a prayer request to the joel osteen ministries, and they sent me some AWESOME, AWESOME, feedback....scriptures to read and meditate on, a beautiful prayer to read....I know one thing, He is in control, and with Him, all things are possible

take care of yourself...
(((blue rain)))
christa

Glad you got that positive feed back Christarn. We all need that. It is so easy to get down and so hard to get built back up.

We talked about me keeping the house. I will have to cut back on my studies, and go back to work at the Hospital, working in Long term care is such a downer! But my job I have now ends next month, and Im going to need a really good job to pay for this place.

He said the strangest thing the other day, that its good if I keep the house because then he can keep his things here while he transfers to Virginia for 7 months. WTF??? How am I supposed to explain that to someone if I start dating? Its his boat, motorcycle, 4 wheeler, tools, guns, tons of books, and whatever else (I will take over the bike and 4 wheeler though :/). Does he want a divorce or not? Doesnt a divorce entail separation of possessions AND love? Maybe I should just sell it all while hes gone. How can I heal if I have a closet full of his clothes and a house full of His things while hes off playing house with the MOW?? Does he want to maintain this as a home base, but not a home?

All in all the convo wasnt bad, I was too dumbfounded to tell him the hell you can keep your junk here while your off with her! I stayed calm and didnt really answer. I dont want to seperate or divorce, I want his things to stay here because HE is here, Im not a storage unit. I dont want to remove him from our home, but he has removed himself, but now hes telling me that he... I dont know what hes telling me. Im so confused by his behavior. I think maybe hes been eating lead paint chips.

BR~ sorry the convo went bad....he's an alien right now...stay calm, focused on your goals, and remember, although a D is easy this day in age...they take time, and time is on your side. Time will allow you to plant that seed of doubt in his mind....you can do it

what do you do at the hospital/ECF?

I work at a hospital, RN cardiac step down...love it!!

take care my friend...knowing we are all here for you...

((((bluerain))))
christarn

Christa, Im just a CNA. Im a premed student, but Im really sort of leaning towards wildlife biology. Being CNA is a good job, but I hate it, jobs are few and far between here though, so its going to have to do for now.

Today was tough! I havent seen him or talked to him, I just think that knowing that hes back (and not here) is hard. Tomorrow night Im going to a concert, and on monday I start my motorcycle lessons, so I have some really neat things to look forward to but it sure is hard to stop wallowing once you start.