Sorry, wish I knew how to post my previous threads with out having to put the whole dang thing.
Thanks for the check in, guys. I really appreciate anyone who can stop by and post any words. Letting me know what ya'll think I'm doing right or doing wrong. I take it all in.
I hope that EVERYONE had a great 4th.
wdid, at the doctor appoint, roomie mentioned that she still hadn't sign a lease. They told her that apartment should be ready on Aug. 1, but that she wouldn't have to sign until closer to the date. She didn't seem sure.
Supposedly.
Not sure what I do at this point. I have tried everything, it seems. The way she talks about the marriage, like it has just been over for some time, now. Unfixable. To her, we do not have a marriage. Thats why, outside of church, she seems so at peace with it.
Again, supposedly.
Thursday night, roomie did call me. At about 10:45 she called from the grocery store asking if I could think of anything we needed. I again told her that I couldn't think of anything. She mentioned needing to buy dog food. "Ok, I'll be home soon", she says. OK.
She gets home and ended up buying more than what she went for. Of course. I didn't ask her anything. I didn't tell her hello. She told me hello, so I answered. I stayed quiet with her and she tried to engage me in talking. I answer. Short answers. The girls show her the cookies they made, and offer her some.
A little tv together, later. Then everyone to bed. We hit the sack. Purse next to her side of the bed. I face my way, she faces her. She tells me goodnight. Goodnight.
In the morning, I am up and making our coffee. I wake up nephew to get ready for work. I have to give him a ride. Roomie wakes up and comes and tells me goodmorning. We are still trying to figure out something cheap to do for the day. We haven't really talked about it. I know roomie bought stuff from the store that made it look like she wanted me to barbeque. Maybe later. I take nephew, come back and roomie had made breakfast. We all sit and then watch something on tv again. Later, I am washing some clothes and roomie decide to clean off her dresser and go through ALL of her jewelery and straighten out the mess she has.
I am still quiet with her. Not trying to engage any conversation. She is trying to, though. Soon the girls are in on her jewelery action. Sorting. I go and sit in the room and roome keeps showing me things. D11 asks me to help untangle a couple of necklaces. There we are. All of us sitting on the floor in th middle of our room. Roomie trying to be nice. Me being quiet. I clean out a jewelery box I have. I find an old card from some flowers she had sent me years ago for our anniversary.
It said: "Thank you for the past 4 years. I love you so much. Your loving wife, Clarissa."
Roomie is cleaning out her junk drawer too. All my recent cards are in there. Like 10 of them. I thought I heard a loud thump of her throwing them all out. I saw them in a pile, however. She is keeping them.
We finish and the D's go off to get ready for the day. Roomie finds a hairpiece. The circular kind that fits over a bun. Roomie shows me. We are still sitting on the floor.
She opens it up and says, "Stick it in." "What do you WANT me to stick in it?" I ask her.
She gives a flirty look.
"What the hell is that?" "A hair piece." "A hair piece?" She makes a bun in her hair and puts it on. "Oh."
I get up an leave. What world do I live in?
We decide to be tourists today. Walk around downtown San Antonio. Rivercenter Mall. Maybe the Alamo. Stuff out in front of the Alamo. Tourist shops. Then maybe cool off at the Waterpark at Fiests Texas Six Flags.
In another words, the family thing again.
My mother calls. D11 has been asking to go over. I told her not today, because our day is planned already. I actually did not take the call. I will call her back later. Roomie and I work today, so I was going to ask if the girls could go stay with her. I just don't feel like talking at that time. Roomie looks at me strange. She asks if things are ok. I just say yeah, I just don't feel like talking to her.
I had alreay told roomie that things were strained with my parents. They can't understand why I just don't cut and run. Get custody of D's. Hang her out to dry. They don't even know about OM. Just that she is not happy and wants out. She has told them.
Mom call back while I am shaving. We make arrangements for today. Take them before I go to work. She wants them to stay until Monday night. She is off on Monday too. I say ok.
Roomie and I are sitting at the kitchen table figuring out the day. I ask her if she wanted me to barbeque. She says yes. She asks what my mom said. I tell her. She asks if they are mad at me. "Is it because of me?" "I don't know. And I don't care. It's our situation. Together." "I thought it would be your dad that would still talk to me. I thought your mom would have stopped talking to me. Your dad just ignores me. Your sister, too. She just leaves the room." "I don't care. I don't care what they think." "I'm surprised your mom does talk to me. That or she just talks to me because of the girls."
I give a slow nod. Not trying to agree, just acknowledging what she said. It IS true, though. Everything she said.
"Don't they understand that this is about you and me? Not them." "Our situation affects more than just you and me." "What does that mean?" I repeat, "What's going on with us affects more than you think." "Why should it?" "It affects not just us. It affects a lot of people that you don't realize. Our friends, my family, even your family."
I was getting ready to give her examples of her aunt, uncle and cousin in Laredo, but the girls came inside.
Then the aunt from Laredo calls. They are talking. Ends up, they are coming to visit next weekend.
We go do the tourist thing. Mall first. Hit a lot of stores. I keep watching roomie in some short shorts. I wish I could comment on how good she looks. I consider, then come to my senses. Shop to shop. It starts to pour rain outside. Roomie says it is thundering and lightning because we walk out of each store without buying anything. At one store, she keeps bringing me candles to smell.
She keeps trying. I try to resist, but keep falling in. I feel like Al Pacino in the Godfather. She keeps pulling me in.
D's get a little hungry. We decide on Cinnabon. I order for D's. I ask roomie what she wants. "Why don't we share a coffee and a cinnamon roll?" Ok, I say.
Rain stops and an Andean music group is outside playing in the courtyard. We find a spot outside on the river to listen and eat. We have to stand, however. I cut up some of the roll and offer roomie the fork. The takes a bite and walks around. With the fork. She gives me some coffee. I offer the roll to her again. She eats and steps away to look at something. She comes back to offer more coffee. I motion for the fork. I take a bite. She looks at me and says,"I thought you had your own fork." I say no.
She starts to crack up. Really crack up. "I was wondering why you weren't eating." She is grabbing my arm. Cracking up. "I'm sorry." Slaps my shoulder. She can't contain herself. She is making me laugh. She again grabs my arm. "I'm so sorry. You must be thinking, 'What a rude ass!'" I say, "Yeah, what the hell." She continues to crack up and then composes herself.
The rest of the day went like that. Us hanging out. Checking out stores. Her showing me stuff. Me commenting on it. Us talking to small shop owners. I didn't act pursuing by any means. Just looking around with her and enjoying the day with her and the kids. Good times. Walking outside in front of the Alamo, we keep on walking even though it is raining again. The girls are having a blast. We stop and look at memorials and statues. Big steps up to the memorial. We are reading the names of the ones who died at the Alamo. I offer a hand to help roomie up the big step.
At one point, before getting to the Alamo, D11 and I are picking on each other. She loves to pull my shirt and hang on me. She likes to take it a little too far. I scold her, "Okay, Amanda, enough. Your stretching out my shirt." Then roomie chimes in. "Amanda, your going to upset your father. Stop it! Do want to put him in a bad mood?" Wasn't sure how to take it. Earlier at the Disney store, looking at shirts together. T-shirts on sale. I show her one with Grumpy on the front. "For me or you?" she says laughing. I say both of us.
Later at another store, we see a hat that says "I feel a mood coming on" She points it out to me and says perfect for D11. I see it and give her a look. I say perfect for you. She again laughs and agrees.
Is it possible to hate and love spending time together, all at the same time.
Stop at a shop full of hats before walking back to the car. We are all cracking up trying on crazy hats. Roomie is taking pictures of us. I take some of her. We are all cracking up at a funny mirror. Finally going home, we cut through the mall and stop at the Candy Factory. Each D get to choose thier own. Roomie keeps asking what kind I want and for me to choose some, too. She tells me to smell this one and that one and look at these and those look delicious.
Fifteen bucks later, we head home. Driving home, we see fireworks going off all over. It was beautiful. Downtown. Military bases. A local lake. Fireworks everyway where look while on the interstate. Roomie asking me to try this candy. Try that one. Get home and at 10:00 at night, we are cooking dinner. She cooks and then asks me if I would cut up the meat. I do. We sit and watch Spiderwick while eating beef fajita salads.
During the movie, D6 asks, "Is that going to be us, momma? Us living in somewhere different? Are we going to a hotel, momma?"
"No, it is an apartment", roomie says.
If ya'll haven't seen the movie, its about a mom moving her family to a family home. Ends up dad was having an affair.
1am we all head for bed. Roomie says she will take D's to my parents house in the morning before work. She hangs purse on closet door, like she used to. We shower and to bed. She gives me a very tired, happy souning, breathy goodnight. I pause. Goodnight. Like she was saying thanks for a great day.
This morning, I get us up. Get D's up. I make coffee. Roomie starts to make breakfast. I am quiet again. I can tell she doesn't like it. Faces. Getting ready to leave, I see roomie making a snack bag for her long day today at work. I see her making herself some breakfast tacos. I finish up in room, thinking to myself what a selfish bit**. I know she ain't gonna make some tacos for me. I'm GLAD that I'm not doing sh** for her anymore. Unappreciative bit**!
She calls out from the kitchen, "Do you want some tacos to take with you?"
Doh! I pause. "Sure" I say before I can stop myself. I should have said not thanks.
We now the the weekend to ourselves. I have no idea what is going to happen. I know I should get out and do my own thing. I'll do some things after work and then head home and do some things around the house.
Why do I feel like I need to hang around to see if roomie wants to do something together? I will not make any plans. At least not with her.
Maybe I'll have my own movie night, tonight. We are both short on funds, anyway. Up to her if she wants to hang around. Make myself a good dinner. She shouldn't be home until around 7pm anyway. IF she comes home. She may decide to do something right after work. GOOD. Get the evening to myself. Then church tomorrow. Maybe by myself.
Do ya'll see what I see? Am I just fooling myself? I mean, I'm not crazy, am I? Should I keep the hope? I don't think I'm retarded, but GOD HELP ME! She confuses the hell out of me. Is this the way someone who wants out of a marriage is supposed to act towards me? Is it because I let her? Why doesn't she withdraw from ME? Is her trying to engage me just mean she is a psyco?
The countdown continues.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
On my way home, I was going to stop by Home Depot for some things. I automatically call roomie to ask her if she wants or needs anything from the store. I catch myself and hang up after a few rings to her work number. I buy what I want and go home. Wash some clothes. Wash the dishes. Going to plan my evening. It is raining A LOT, so I will stay in. Don't know about roomie.
I almost want to tell her to go do something. I know she won't want to be home with me tonight. Tell her not to feel like she HAS to stay home. If she wants to, then fine. We got some movies we haven't seen yet. "The Orphanage", "Fools Gold", and "Under the Same Moon."
She picked out the last two.
I will go into town later to pick out what I want to cook. Maybe something different and creative. A bottle of wine. And a cigar. Haven't smoked one in over a year.
I had forgotten that yesterday, roomie had made sure that we went by the cigar shop in the mall. For me. She likes the smell of cigars. I didn't buy one because they are a little pricey there.
I just thought that was odd for her to want to do that for me. Not trying to read. Felt good though.
Nice dinner for myself tonight, unless roomie wants to join me. Wine. Cigar. And movies all night.
Roomie did call about an hour ago. Asked if I had heard from the girls. When she left them off, D11 asked if they had to stay all day. Like she didn't want to spend the night. They haven't called me. Roomie tells me she will call my mom before she heads out from work. Just in case the girls changed their minds about staying the weekend. I tell her I am doing some things in the house because it is raining outside. Nearly since I got home.
Then she said she'll call me after she checks on girls. She might pick them up. And she still has to make some payments at some stores.
I say,"Ok".
Last edited by hopeful4her; 07/05/0811:01 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Ok Buddy DO NOT GET ME WRONG. This may sound like the pot calling the kettle black. I also have my days.
I have not read far back on your thread but you need to change your thinking big guy. There is going dark and then there is being someone that ya don't want to hang around. I am not in your shoes so take this for what is worth. If you put yourself in your W place think about this. How would you feel if when ever you asked her something she gave you short answers? How would YOU feel if she did not engage YOU? Just kind of hung around. I have been where you are. I have had wife cook dinner for her and son and leave me out. I have had wife go out with son on a hot day and come home with Ice creams and not think of calling me to see if I wanted something. You have to try not to take it personal. (I TOO HAVE A HARD TIME WITH THIS)I know it is hard. Not to do. But remember you reap what you sew big guy. I stewed too thinking "She NEVER does anything for me why should I think of her?” But you know what. When I just started calling anyway on the way home and said. “Hey I am stopping at in n out burger do you want anything?" At first she would say "NO". Ok fine I offered. I continued to do this. After a while she started saying "Ya pick me up a cheese burger". THEN guess what happened. SHE started calling me when she stopped somewhere and asking ME if I wanted something. What I our wives did was WRONG. And YES I do think most men would have just given up right then and got divorced. BUT we didn't. Something was wrong with your marriage BEFORE. That part is both of your faults. So we already have that going against us. But if we want to repair our marriage we can't make ourselves even more undesirable. Make yourself someone you would want to hang around. Plan your night, plan to include her but.... don't make your plans DEPEND on her. If she is there great if not what do you lose? Just my 2 cents. Been at this over a year now. Things take time...
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I will go into town later to pick out what I want to cook. Maybe something different and creative. A bottle of wine. And a cigar. Haven't smoked one in over a year.
Now yer talkin'! My brother-in-law just brought me a real Cuban for my birthday -- 94 rated, and they go for $54 ea. at retail! I can't wait to smoke it tonite!
Yeah, you need to read back a bit. Anyone who has kept up with me would agree that what I am doing is a 180 for me.
Ask Puppy
I have ALWAYS treated her like a princess and rescued and done everything for roomie. She is always first for me. She DID surprise me this morning, as she was preparing breakfast and lunch snacks. Then when I thought she wasn't going to ask me if I wanted anything, she did.
I make lunch for myself every week day morning and then ask roomie if she wants me to make her a lunch.
EVERY day. I catch hell for it here
It would seem like I do everything with a thought towards her. Again, going a little dark on her is a total 180 for me. I ALWAYS call her to let her know I on my way home. I ALWAYS call her if I'm going to stop somewhere and if she would like something, too. At the grocery store, I ALWAYS buy her a candy. I ALWAYS call her if we need anything to be picked while on my way home.
Like others have told me and told me and told me. She needs to get an idea of how it is going to be when she moves out.
If she moves out. Papers aren't signed yet.
Roomie called me about 35 minutes ago. I ALWAYS take her call. She said that she was going to stop by her mothers house. Then hit the grocery store for a few things. I ask about the kids. She said they were fine. I told her that I was going to go to the store later, to get something for dinner. She said we have some sausage at home that can be cooked.
I told her, "Oh, well I wasn't sure if you had any plans tonight. I was going in to get some wine and a cigar too." She says, "No, I wasn't planning anything tonight" she said kind of quiet. "Anyway, I wanted to watch all the movies we have". I say, "Thats what I was going to do." We start talking at the same time. "Well if you want to go to the store..." I tell her, "Just go after your mom's and pick up the things. Is your mom ok?"
"Yeah, she just sounded funny on the phone and I...." "Want to go and rescue her?" "No, not rescue... just talk. I'll call you when I get to the store and see what you want me to pick up."
Looks like we'll be home together alone. Movie night together.
For those that know me, that is what I wanted anyway.
Yes, I'M a stupe.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I will go into town later to pick out what I want to cook. Maybe something different and creative. A bottle of wine. And a cigar. Haven't smoked one in over a year.
Now yer talkin'! My brother-in-law just brought me a real Cuban for my birthday -- 94 rated, and they go for $54 ea. at retail! I can't wait to smoke it tonite!
Puppy
I promised myself to try to find myself a "Romeo y Julieta" and either smoke it when I reconcile or divorce. I have a client who owns a cigar shop. Gotta pull some favors in. And a great bottle of Tequila.
And your gonna smoke it just because! Ta loco!
Last edited by hopeful4her; 07/06/0812:03 AM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
R & Js are very good -- very consistent, and a "can't-lose" cigar. I like a 5 Vegas for that same reason, and then I like to try a bunch of different ones, and I take notes on them, like I do with my wines.
Wines, cigars and jokes -- I can NEVER remember 'em, so now i take notes!!!
Had no idea you were so sophisticated, Puppy. Theres more to you than we think.
Roomie called about a half hour ago. MIL invited her out to eat.
Yes, I believe her. Too easy to verify. She even told me where. Told me she would call me when she is done.
Looks like beers and brats and nacho night, instead. Will scrounge around for a cigar I overlooked. All about me, tonight. Might try to watch "Hellboy" instead. Found it on video in our video case. Didn't know we even had it.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
