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Where did your D get the idea that Daddy's friend is bad? That makes me uncomfortable for such a young age...



My H plays that game all the time. Sometimes I'll join them, sometimes I'll talk directly to my D's and say "Mommy has to run errands/see a friend, but I will see you later!" and move on....

I think from H's mom because I had never even heard D mention her name until one day after she was at their house. When I asked his mom about it she said D brought up daddy's friend and she told her that she is not daddy's friend she is nobody's friend, she is not a nice person - D equates this to bad.

if it'd make you feel good, then go! It may not help to detach, but you're going to be co-parenting anyway, so might as well figure out how to be around him. right?

If you need practice detaching, I would suggest going on your own time with your D.

Your H likley expects you would want to go, so this is a bribe.

He needs you to leave him alone or he will never grow up my dear.

He is still playing games. He is waaaaaaaaaaaay too old to be playing these games.

The solution is to detach from him until he grows up to the point he can be straight with you and work as a team of two parents. He just wants to keep playing solo and clueing you on your marriage when it suits his mood.

Offer him educative resources (MC, books, articles, etc), but don't offer him any of your TIME.

Give him what he needs to get to adulthood, but don't spoon feed him. My dear this is one thing he must learn on his own. YOU must learn this too if you are to be a good parent later on. Children will have to learn to do things themselves gradually as they grow up and YOUR job at that time as a parent is to DETACH and let the child LEARN.

In this case, your H is the one who needs to grow and learn...you have to give him the space to do that or you will always have a child around you who never grew up.

This is a learning lesson parents often have trouble with. Letting their children grow up...this goes for their spouses when they are being jeuvenille as well.

Detach, let him grow up, stop the babying.

He's just playing games and trying to trick you into avoiding resolving this like adults. He wants to play games, have sex, make jokes, and ultimately pretend none of this happened.

He wants to live like he's single, but have all the benefits of a LTR at the same time. Growing up is learning to let go of the former, and embracing the latter.

He has to learn how to do this himself, you CAN'T do this FOR him ok?

Just detach and let him learn. Each time you cater to his games he becomes more of a child, each time you refuse to play his games he has to grow into an adult.

Leave him alone and let him grow up. this is to your daughter's benefit too.

Sorry lodo, i don't think it is advisable to go if detachment is a challenge for PP. She really needs to go on her own time when he's not there. He's just tempting her again.

He seems to play these games a lot. He will tempt her, she bites, he reels her in, only to hurt PP again and again.

He's treating her like a fish and getting a lot of fun out of it.

Pinky, you need to stop taking his bait and ignore him.

If you can't detach, then AVOID him. Don't put yourself in a position where he can bait you like this.

Keep busy, make plans. If you were already busy with someone you could hav etold him no. You are having trouble because you aren't getting a life. GAL makes detachment easier because you are too busy to get involved with his games.

GAL and you wont have to fight your detachment challenges.

Do'nt go if you can't detach while there.

I'd have to agree with what everyone else has already said. Don't be lured into spending time with H if you're having difficulties with detachment. At the same time, you need to focus on what is best for your DD -- and right now getting Mommy to where she is safely detaching from Daddy is more important for DD in the long run than one instance of swimming with D when H is present.

Ok again these messages came after I was gone swimming ;-)
However, I really did not talk to H at all while I was there and he was suprised when I said I had to leave to go to my parents house for dinner because he had no plans.

The oddest thing happened this afternoon. I was on facebook and my sister's husband's brother (her BIL), opened the chat window and said hi. Now I know him a little, because he is my BIL's brother but that is about it. I know that he moved out of his house (from his son 5 and wife) about a month ago but not why.

Anyways after 2 or 3 casual sentances he asked me out on a date for tonight? WTF? I was off getting my swimsuit so he then followed up with I'm sorry if I stepped over the line but, and then continued on, no one would have to know, ect, not looking for love and D could come. I came back on with a very polite thanks but no thanks and when I got back home he had sent an email asking about a walk down by the water, or whatever, that he is a good listener and very discreet. Honestly, MEN WHAT IS UP???

Pinkie, you are a beautiful woman. What do you think is up?

Thanks Sara, it is just suprising to me I guess when I am still married (yes I know my H has left me) and he is still married and part of my extended family that this is the least bit normal for him to ask me out.

Just let yourself bask in the glow of people noticing you as a beautiful woman they want to have around them. I have no opinion or judgement as to how you should answer the requests, Im guessing that since your trying for your M you said no, but it sure does feel nice doesnt it!

As far as whats up with the men... I think its something in the water!

No offense guys ;-)