Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Trouble on the lake erie shore #3

maybe you could just acknowledge her by saying
"im sorry you are lonely..."
"is there anything you need?"
"i understand"
"uh huh"


acknowledge her...no reacting...
why do you think she would say she is lonely?

yeah that's what i planned on doing. LOL..

i don't necessarily think she will. BUT. just in case...

"is there anything you need?"

Now you can't say it like its written.

Add "sweetie" to the front of it.

Sweetie... is there anything you need?

Don't say the Sweetie part.

Got it?

Something like this....

I am so lonely.. you are never around.. You are taking the kids.. and I am going to be all alone. I hate my life.

Smile.. you remember this post.. and how silly it is.. and say..

Is there anything you need?

Listen to what she says... go from there.


Right now.. you need to think like a Alpha male.. but don't show her what you know you are.

Confused yet?

not really. be the alpha male, but don't come off as one, right?

Dude.. you got it.

The Alpha would have said.. I got it.

Be the Alpha. Never think you are.

The second you think you are the Alpha... people can see it.

I see you thinking Neilh23.. are you better than me?

i've never thought of myself as one. however, at the start of this, she accused me of being one. interesting. no, i'm not better. i'm starting to see things tho.


i don't know how many of you are fans of bruce springsteen. i am. i have many, many of his bootlegged cd's, from his earlier works. One song in particular, backstreets, fits perfectly for a LBS....it's become my theme song as of late. and "trapped" is my W's ring tone. LOL. my kids always know its her when it goes off.

Ahhh.. now see.

Think about this.

"i've never thought of myself as one."

"she accused me of being one."

Its a fine line.

All you have to do is walk it.

i don't think accused is the right word. sorta just said i was one. LOL. i see what you mean. fine line. gotta work on my balance

Hey Neil,



This first came up in my sitch the night before the kids were going to stay with me for the week. The convo went something like this

W - I don't want them to be away from them for the week, I love seeing them every morning (tears in her eyes)
Me - I know what you mean it was very hard to come home from work and realize I wouldn't be coming home to my kids (calm)
W - This whole situation sucks
Me - yes it does, but you will be ok

I didn't see much harm in admitting this was difficult for me as well and validate her at the same time as long as I kept it short and sweet and let her show the emotions and lead the conversation. I think the important thing is to let her control the conversation. When we were having this conversation, I just wanted to scream "so why are we doing this then". This would have been a huge mistake. I just kept my cool and remained her rock. Seemed to work for me.

One thing you might consider is if she seems very lonely, then show some compassion and allow her to come over for dinner or something like that. Maybe not this go around, but perhaps the next. She might return the favor and this might be an opportunity for some family time. A lot of separated families arrange a mid-week dinner and movie night or something like that.

TWDad...oh yeah. I know. Keep cool. That's the one thing we haven't done in awhile...family time. we shall see.