The thing is I have seen change since I'm not reacting to her. I haven't told her not to do things either. She is calmer around me now. When is the last time I said she spewed venom. She even sat on the porch with me a little while yesterday. That's the wife I want. The wife I always wanted.
It's going to take some time. Maybe a lot of time. Maybe time I'm not willing to wait for. Maybe its work I don't want to do. Its going to be a lot of work.
phi. now your getting it, by you being calm she in turn will eventually respond in kind.makes life a whole lot easier for all involve. it sure has worked with my wife. i absolutely do not react to her anger and frustration. i am calm. peaceful. i pray for patience and the Lord has answered.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
"I haven't told her not to do things either. She is calmer around me now. When is the last time I said she spewed venom."
I havn't told her to stay out of the house. I havn't changed the locks. I haven't given into her about the beds. I haven't given her any more money. She hasn't asked for any. She comes and asks questions and I answer them. I put a 4 foot skeleton in the livingroom and it scares her everytime she walks in the house. She asked me to get rid of it and it stays.
She tells me the yard is a mess, and I say I don't care about the yard.
She tells me the house is messy, I ask what is messy. She doesn't respond. She comes in the house and gives me the cheek to kiss. I kiss it.
She comes and goes as she pleases and I let her.
I give her space. I do not call her. I do not text her. I only text her if she text me.
I did show up at her house and it could have been bad, but it turned out ok.
I apologized to her for disrepecting her all the time.
She gets cold I don't respond to it. She gets colder, I walk away.
I don't tell her how screwed up she is anymore. I do not blame her for anything. I do not try to hold or hug her.
"Modern scientific research suggests that mucophagy seems to be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the overall immune system." (AnaiBendai, 2005).
I think I'll add to the Mantra. I shall continue to want to eat her boogers despite the other gross qualities that she sometimes protrays.
She tells me the house is messy, I ask what is messy. She doesn't respond
She has the desire to feel needed, like if she is not there the house will fall apart. This is completely normal Phil. She will see a speck of dirt on the kitchen counter and say something about it just to make sure you hear that the house is dirty because she is not there. Get it?
"Modern scientific research suggests that mucophagy seems to be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the overall immune system." (AnaiBendai, 2005).
I think I'll add to the Mantra. I shall continue to want to eat her boogers despite the other gross qualities that she sometimes protrays.
Ian, a booger is a booger. It doesn't matter who's it is. You always have to say something. Did you read the blog?
Getting back to the speck of dust. Right and like I said I think I was just going to let that happen. I for one do not care about living in an operating room enviroment. A house should be lived in. If my boy wants to get all his match box cars out and have them all over the place then so be it. If he wants to get all the star wars dudes out and set them up, then so be it.
So she can think that the house has fell apart since she isn't there. That is because it has. "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
